The Trolls Invade the Fort

[LONE-STAR 370]

Love the waffles at roaring fork.

[The Troll 67]

How did you like Roaring Forks?  Or is that coming up? 

 

 

 

Coming up next!

 

I enjoyed your stream of consciousness ramblings about how few visitors to WDW visit the Wilderness Lodge.

 

The thing that's awesome about WL is that it's just a bike, boat or bus ride away from the Fort.

 

The TCD gang visits there every time we are at the Fort, and we seem to end up there even when we are just at WDW for a day trip.  It's the second best resort at WDW.  Yet, there are people who call themselves Fiends who have never been there.   Can you believe that?  To me, it is one of the amenities that comes with the Fort.

 

You took some great photos there.

 

I am looking forward to hearing about this bar you tried to sneak in to.  I am not familiar with such a bar at WL.  I hope, for Leslie's sake, that you didn't get locked out another building.

 

TCD

 

It was more like a stream of subconscious rambling. And I agree -- the Lodge adds to the Fort very nicely. I just wish they'd allow golf carts to travel there.

 

Count me among the Fiends who have never been there.  But I plan to rectify that next trip.

 

Fail. So are you one of those people I described who jam-packs their entire vacation with park visits? Does your husband wear sandals with socks? Does he have a baby harnessed to him? Do you make him push an enormous stroller?

 

Yup,  I remember when you disclosed that.

 

I still can't believe it.

 

Please do rectify it pronto.

 

TCD

 

Yeah, people. Get with it.

The is our 2nd favorite place.  We visit once or twice a week while at the FORT, grab a coffee or coke and sit in the lobby and people watch. We do, on rare occasion, go to eat, but we normally eat it the MH. It is also our resort of choice when we "hotel it". We always ask for the same room then we can sit on the balcony and watch the fireworks from MK.

 

What is "MH"? Seriously, folks, the acronyms are out of control.

 

"We went on the RNRRC then made our way to the IJESS and then hit TGMR and then walked over to catch VOTLM...all that before having lunch at THBD!"

 

Hey...that was sort of a mini Troll Rant.

 

Our only hotel experiences on property were at the Lodge.  It is a really pretty place to visit, but I am happier staying in the trailer now.  

Planning on eating there too this trip.

 

My wallet is much happier to stay in my trailer.

 

Same here.  We stayed at the lodge before we started RVing with our kids.  I had stayed at the Fort in the 70's as a kid, but then didn't return with my family until 2007. 

 

You either have more money or less brains than I do.

 

Love the waffles at roaring fork.

 

See above.

[The Troll 67]

OK, so we're at the Lodge to have lunch.

 

We ate at the Roaring Forks.

 

Not because it's known for its quality, fine cuisine, but because we'd never eaten there before. It was good but unremarkable. I think I had chili and a turkey sandwich? I can't remember what Mrs. Troll had. Like I said, unremarkable. And there are two lines -- one where they can cook you something off the grill or one where they make you a sandwich or salad. There was a lady working the sandwich/salad counter and she was fail. 

 

Total fail.

 

She was slooooooooow. And for no good reason. You know, there are those people who are slow at their jobs because they're either new or incompetent. Those people don't bother me so much. It's the people who are clearly very capable of doing their job but clearly would rather not that bother me. This lady was one of them. Not Disney standard, for sure. They used to have this thing called the Disney Institute where they did something weird, like have business people come in and learn the "Disney Way to Customer Service."

 

That place is shut down now. I wonder why?

 

Anyway, so we enjoyed our food court lunch and decided to mosey around.

 

We went up the stairs:

 

 

These are the stairs over by the entrance to Whispering Canyon. Why do they call that restaurant that, anyway? No one whispers in there. You know what else? There must be some underground BBQ dungeon where Disney makes just vats and vats of BBQ ribs, corn bread, fried chicken, and mashed potatoes to feed everyone at Whispering Canyon, Trail's End, the Backyard BBQ, and the Hoop Dee Do. It's all the same food. I can just imagine the place is full of slave dwarves...and they're being whipped by Razoul.

 

"Faster, you sawed-off runts! Faster! More ribs! More GaG!"

 

Anyway, so the stairs led up to that bridge thing that crossed over the entranceway of the lobby. Oddly, there are glass doors on both sides of the bridge, as seen in the picture above.

 

We made our way to the balcony that overlooks the pool:

 

 

That river down there looks real:

 

 

Here's a lantern:

 

 

I'm sure you really wanted to see that.

 

Back inside we found this strange piece of furniture:

 

 

We had tables like this at my college in the library to study. But I don't think there will be many people studying for finals here at the Lodge. If you do, you're stupid: "Let's go spend $400 a night at the Wilderness Lodge and I'll study for my Differential Equations final!"

 

They burn fires all the time, even during summer, when the AC is on full blast:

 

 

You know, how come the Save the Earth people are always chastising me for taking too long to decide what I want out of my refrigerator, taking too long of a shower,running the water while I'm shaving, and failing to throw my Coke Zero bottle in the recycle bin, yet Disney can run the heat and the AC on at the same time, all the time, all year long and not get in any trouble?

 

Here's a painting:

 

[The Troll 67]

We continued up the stairs, trying to see how high we could get.

 

As we climbed, we saw a sign for a bar or something at the very top floor called "The Old Faithful Club." Since it was way up there and I had never heard of it, I quite naturally wanted to go invade it. But as we continued our journey up the stairs, we ran into this:

 

 

Translation: No trolls allowed.

 

Blast! Another stupid sign! And just like our experience at the Contemporary, there was yet another door that blocked access to the stairwell leading up to the top floor, where the Old Faithful Club is located. To get through the door to get up there, you need a room key. So I tried to trick the automatic door lock by swiping my Fort "room" key in front of it.

 

It laughed at me. You know that little red light that turns green when you swipe a valid card in front of it?

 

It turned even redder.

 

Stupid Disney. Evidently the Old Faithful Club is closed to everyone except people who belong there. So, curious, I did a quick search of the web and found a video on YouTube posted by some guy that gives a little tour of it. Now, if you want to watch the video, be warned -- the music to the video will make you want to...

 

...oh, what's the word?

 

I can't think of it.

 

What's that word?

 

Oh yeah!

 

Barf.

 

The music on this video will make you want to barf. So mute your speakers before you click on the video:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfmSud1FwPQ

 

Is there a way to embed YouTube videos on this site? Couldn't figure it out.

 

Anyway, so hope you enjoy the barf music. The guy who made the video also has a YouTube show called, I think, "Mouse Steps." You might want to check it out!

 

Oh, wait, no you don't. It sucks.

 

Note to people who make Youtube "shows": If you want people to watch them, they either A. have to be funny, B. be very violent, or C. have lots of scantily-clothed girls in them. You know, like real TV.

 

Anyway, so the "Old Faithful Club" is just a crappy "VIP" room for suckers that serves cheese and wine. They have those at Holiday Inn and La Quinta. No big thing. Except that I wouldn't mind going up there and stealing some sushi. That would be fun.

 

Coming up next, Mrs. Troll and I go bowling!

[GaDawgFan.....Kelly 799]

The BBQ dungeon has me cracking up because it's so true.

[h2odivers...Ray 952]

great pix.

i love the WL, and if youve never been i recommend going to AKL its gorgeous.

The tree only SMB if you dont have a child with you. Me and DW can sit for about 10-15 minutes as they climb the tree.

This last trip DD made me go with her and this is the pix I was able to get. Sorry for the poor quailty taken with iPhone.

It sure was worth the climb for this view.

Try it at night Mr. Troll. With your camera skills i bet youd get some great shoots.

some people, dare i say most people dont realize the beauty that is outside the parks on their first visit.

I am willing to bet most people, including myself, on this forum did exactly as you described... spend the entire day at the park...riding the crappy rides. Their first couple of visits. So i guess we were all suckers at one time.

I used to think why the heck would anyone want to drag an RV all the way to Florida and then have to set it up, cook, and then clean it, and drag it back home. That is just stupid. For the amount of money a RV costs i can take a dozen vacations and order room service and have someone else clean it up. But now that ive tried it. I understand.

[Katman1356...Jason 1,140]

great pix.

i love the WL, and if youve never been i recommend going to AKL its gorgeous.

The tree only SMB if you dont have a child with you. Me and DW can sit for about 10-15 minutes as they climb the tree.

This last trip DD made me go with her and this is the pix I was able to get. Sorry for the poor quailty taken with iPhone.

It sure was worth the climb for this view.

Try it at night Mr. Troll. With your camera skills i bet youd get some great shoots.

some people, dare i say most people dont realize the beauty that is outside the parks on their first visit.

I am willing to bet most people, including myself, on this forum did exactly as you described... spend the entire day at the park...riding the crappy rides. Their first couple of visits. So i guess we were all suckers at one time.

I used to think why the heck would anyone want to drag an RV all the way to Florida and then have to set it up, cook, and then clean it, and drag it back home. That is just stupid. For the amount of money a RV costs i can take a dozen vacations and order room service and have someone else clean it up. But now that ive tried it. I understand.

 

 

Just for the record and to prevent any one else undergoing the psycolgical trauma that Sil and I did, While this may look like and interesting place to watch the fireworks it has major drawbacks. 

 

Drawback 1) People continue to climb the tree while you are trying to stand and watch the fireworks leading to people glaring at you.

 

Drawback 2) They do not shut off the attraction music and pipe in the Fireworks music. This means that while waiting for the fireworks and during the fireworks you get to listen to Swisskapolka over...and over...and over again. I have seizures now if I hear that song. Even thinking about this has caused a slight spasm. 

 

You have been warned.

[h2odivers...Ray 952]

Glad we didn't stay up there to watch the fireworks. DW was waiting for us to go to castle to watch the fireworks.

[The Troll 67]

The BBQ dungeon has me cracking up because it's so true.

 

There also has to be some major slaughterhouse where they harvest all the ribs and chicken wings.

 

great pix.

i love the WL, and if youve never been i recommend going to AKL its gorgeous.

 

Yeah, we love AKL. We like it much more than Animal Kingdom. The AKL is just so hard to get to...

 

Just for the record and to prevent any one else undergoing the psycolgical trauma that Sil and I did, While this may look like and interesting place to watch the fireworks it has major drawbacks. 

 

Drawback 1) People continue to climb the tree while you are trying to stand and watch the fireworks leading to people glaring at you.

 

Drawback 2) They do not shut off the attraction music and pipe in the Fireworks music. This means that while waiting for the fireworks and during the fireworks you get to listen to Swisskapolka over...and over...and over again. I have seizures now if I hear that song. Even thinking about this has caused a slight spasm. 

 

You have been warned.

 

Ah. Very good. You agree that the Swiss Tree sucks.

[The Troll 67]

It's time to continue on!

 

We're still at the Wilderness Lodge, wandering around.

 

I have some more random, pointless photos to share:

 

 

 

We went into the store:

 

 

 

Here's a shirt to advertise the fact that you're a sucker...times two:

 

 

As I've said many times before, I'm a Donald fan:

 

 

 

Who needs to buy the junk? Just take pictures!

 

Rock eggs:

 

 

One has to wonder how many rock Easter eggs they sell. And then when someone does buy one, what does said person do with it?

 

 

I've always wanted to see the factories in China where they make this stuff. You know one factory makes lots of junk merchandise for many different companies. I wonder if, like, one factory makes Disney junk, Walmart junk, Universal junk, NFL junk, and Sea World junk all at the same time? I wonder if they ever get it mixed up? Those Chinese people must really think we're weird, considering the stuff we buy for our children. 

Like, I'm sure these are made in China:

 

 

OK, OK, fine...I'll not push the envelope any further. Let's move on, before I get banned from another message board.

 

Check this topiary out:

 

 

Two days prior, when I was going to the Sturdy Branches gym, I saw the topiary sculptor maintaining this topiary. I passed him on my way in. I said hello to him. He said, "Hello, mon!" back to me. A little over an hour later, when my workout was done, I passed this topiary again, and he was still working on it. It's so good to see Disney still invests in details like this. They could easily replace this topiary with a Mickey statue that would serve the same purpose and save the expense of paying the dude who maintains it...but instead they stick to their standards.

 

Hurray, Disney!

 

As we continued our wandering, I saw this sign and like it:

 

 

The sign advertises that all the rooms have running water and air conditioning. Funny to think that there legitimately was a time when AC and running water were actual amenities.

 

So we had had enough wandering about, so it was time to head back home to the Fort. On our boat ride home, I noticed this mystery:

 

 

It's a fairly common sight -- a Mickey little speed boat, parked at the River Country dock. We've seen many times. Does a cast member ride the speed boat to do maintenance at River Country?

 

Ha ha ha! I said "maintenance at River Country"!

 

There were clouds looming:

 

 

And check this out:

 

 

There is still a smidgen of beach left at Discovery Island!

 

This looks like something out of Louisiana:

 

 

Check this out:

 

 

I really, really love that picture above, if I say so myself. If you just stretch your imagination a bit, you can see happy people swinging and sliding over there at RC in the background.

 

More looming clouds:

 

 

Bird on a wire:

 

 

And here's a rare, rare sight:

 

 

There's not a single, solitary soul on that dock, and it's past noon.

 

Still to come, our bowling trip.

[DaveInTN 3,247]

I remember when hotels advertised Color TV.  In neon, on the sign out front.  What a big deal that was.  Lou, on the other hand, probably does remember when running water was a big deal. 

[CCIntrigue...aka Gwen 547]

I remember when hotels advertised Color TV.  In neon, on the sign out front.  What a big deal that was.  Lou, on the other hand, probably does remember when running water was a big deal. 

 

Ouch.  Lou and I are approximately the same age, give or take a few years.  But I don't remember when running water was a big deal.  Color TV, yes.  And I remember when my grandparents got a bathroom.  It was so nice not to have to use the outhouse.

[Lou... 3,118]

Ouch.  Lou and I are approximately the same age, give or take a few years.  But I don't remember when running water was a big deal.  

 

I hate to say it, actually I'm proud to say it, but I do remember the first time we had running water and many other things. It meant that we had come to America. 

[AC in A2......Aaron 693]

Carry on Troll.

 

I am loving this TR.

 

I am a bit disappointed you didn't figure out a way into the secret VIP bar.

 

You could have thrown an old school fart bomb in there after setting up a hidden camera.

 

Nothing says funny like the VIP crowd walking into their VIP place only to smell poop upon their arrival.

 

Yuri would have done it.

 

Clearly you didn't pre-drink enough before trekking upstairs.

[The Troll 67]

I remember when hotels advertised Color TV.  In neon, on the sign out front.  What a big deal that was.  Lou, on the other hand, probably does remember when running water was a big deal. 

 

I think I remember that, too. Then they started advertising that they had HBO. And then there was a stretch when they advertised that they were managed by "Americans." Anyone else remember that?

 

Ouch.  Lou and I are approximately the same age, give or take a few years.  But I don't remember when running water was a big deal.  Color TV, yes.  And I remember when my grandparents got a bathroom.  It was so nice not to have to use the outhouse.

 

I remember the time my father brought home our first color TV! He won it in a raffle. He was cheap -- he wasn't going to buy one.

 

I hate to say it, actually I'm proud to say it, but I do remember the first time we had running water and many other things. It meant that we had come to America. 

 

So...I thought you said you don't read trip reports? You must be a very good skimmer.

 

Carry on Troll.

 

I am loving this TR.

 

I am a bit disappointed you didn't figure out a way into the secret VIP bar.

 

You could have thrown an old school fart bomb in there after setting up a hidden camera.

 

Nothing says funny like the VIP crowd walking into their VIP place only to smell poop upon their arrival.

 

Yuri would have done it.

 

Clearly you didn't pre-drink enough before trekking upstairs.

 

I'm glad you're still enjoying the report! Sorry I didn't make it up to that VIP room. The door they have blocking the stairway is pretty strong.

[The Troll 67]

All right...time for one more update today. Unlike other trip reporters, you get updates on the weekends here from the Troll. Gotta love that, right?

 

You know one feature I like about this board? I like how it shows who's currently reading your thread. That way I can see when the people who say they don't like me are reading my report. Ha ha!

 

Anyway, picking up where we left off, we had just come back from having lunch at the Wilderness Lodge. Now we were back at the Fort, so we decided to do some quick looping. There was a break in the rain, so we had to squeeze it in.

 

In a previous update, I mentioned how much I hate the 1700 loop. And here's why:

 

 

Can you say "desolate"?

 

You know they should try planting some stuff in between the sites...maybe some pine trees, maybe some shrubs, maybe a few of those orange trees...

 

...or maybe some weeds.

 

Something.

 

Anything green.

 

I don't care what you say, this is not wilderness:

 

 

Look here:

 

 

If I'm sitting at this site, I have a perfect view of every other site in the loop! That way I can admire all the lovely fifth wheels, work trailers, jacked up "golf" carts, and semi trucks! I mean, where else other than I-95 can you have such a grand view as that?

 

Now a quick spin through my father's favorite loop:

 

 

Ah, here we have a nice sight:

 

 

See that stuff on the ground along the concrete pad? That's called dirt. If you stay in the premium loops, you don't have this stuff. You have this stuff called pine straw covering up the dirt. You gotta pay extra for that.

 

Here's more of that dirt stuff:

 

 

As we rolled on, I noticed this:

 

 

Straight out of the 1980s, it's a Pontiac Fiero! Look at that cool, sleek American styling! Isn't it strange how if stuff gets to a certain age, it's cool? It's retro, vintage, classic...like the the 1962 Firebird. Now that's one sharp vehicle. Classic, classy, sharp. But then if something isn't quite old enough -- like the Pontiac Fiero pictured above -- it doesn't look classy, retro, or vintage.

 

It just looks out of style.

 

That is one ugly damned vehicle. And if you let the engine oil get a bit low it had a special warning indicator -- the engine caught on fire! Yeah, baby! Hey, I wonder why so many people bought Japanese cars in the 80s?

 

Sweet logo:

 

 

In another thread, a few Fort Fiends had a discussion about this photo:

 

 

What confused us is how the train is coming straight at the photographer, clearly running parallel to the canal. This is odd, as the leftover tracks don't run in this direction. To research the mystery more, I attempted to recreate the old photo:

 

 

The mystery remains. Evidently the Disney brass rerouted the tracks at some point. Why? Where's that guy who wrote the books about the Fort Wilderness Railroad? Doesn't he read this site? Doesn't he read Troll Trip Reports? Oh, hey, by the way, Guy-Who-Wrote-the-Books-About-the-Fort-Wilderness-Railroad, I'd buy your book, but I'm not going to pay $40 for it.

 

Moving on, we decided it was rocking chair thirty. When we got there, there were no chairs yet available. So we had to sit at those picnic table abominations:

 

 

Did I mention before that there used to be just rows and rows of rocking chairs on this porch? There were. These stupid picnic tables weren't here. There were rocking chairs. And clearly people love the rocking chairs, so why not add more, Disney? Get rid of the stupid picnic tables. Oh, and get rid of that exceedingly annoying checkerboard while you're at it, guys.

 

You see, children don't understand the game of checkers anymore. Instead, they use the checkers as a sort of crude Jenga, stacking them up on each other into a narrow column until the column topples over. And invariably, one little kid will be building a column when another slightly older kid will appear and try to steal the checkers to make his own column, leading the first kid to start screaming bloody murder.

 

And then you have the moms who enjoy Mr. Crockett's libations just a bit too much, and when their small children come up and say, "Mommy, I wanna play checkers! Come play with me!" Mommy says, "Go ask that nice man over there to play with you."

 

Yes, pointing at me.

 

All of this is happening while I'm just sitting in my rocking chair, rickety-rocking, minding my own business, wishing those checkers would stop crashing down.

 

 

I thought Davey Crockett got slaughtered at the Alamo? How did he have time to open up a bar?

 

I think the bar should be named Moses Rose's Place. Who was Moses Rose, you ask? Well, on the eve of the final battle of the Alamo, when the Mexican army had completely surrounded the fortress, the Alamo's commanding officer drew a line in the sand with his sword and said, "Men, it looks bad for us. Who amongst you will cross this line and stand with me courageously and fight to the end?" Every defender crossed the line.

 

Except Moses Rose.

 

Moses Rose said, "Deuces!" jumped the wall, and got the hell out of there.

 

Can't say I'd blame him. I'd drink a drink at his bar.

 

Something else cool:

 

 

And here's Mr. Troll enjoying his homemade Bloody Mary:

 

 

After the rocking chairs, we headed back to camp to check on the pups again. Zoe was happy to see me:

 

 

I love that dog.

 

They huddled under the camper to stay dry:

 

 

Still to come, that bowling trip at Splitsville, that uber cool bowling alley at Downtown Disney that I bet you've never been to! Why do I say that? Because you burn up vacation time pushing a stroller around Sea World, that's why!

[mouseketab.....Carol 1,261]

Our first color TV was a Heath Kit, daddy built it!!!

[LONE-STAR 370]

Well I like the picnic tables. We eat breakfast and dinner on them often. As for checkers I think there a great idea. Oh the music in that video at first I was thinking this isn't so bad. But then out of no where it started driving me crazy and I had to turn it off. So thanks for the barf warning.

[ftwildernessguy 778]

I have spent the last 24 hours catching up. There is just too much to say. I am honored to have been mentioned in a Troll trip report, even if it was in a negative way re. a comment I made about Pina Coladas on a board that shall remain unnamed. I do feel the need to comment on the snooty lounge for WL snobs who won't talk to me. Not a single box of wine. Not one. Hey Disney, want me to drop a few hundred bucks a night for a bed some foreigner did unspeakable things in the night before? Stock that "free" bar with a box of Franzia Cabernet. The beer in the fridge was a disgrace. I've seen more beer in my mom's fridge and she doesn't drink beer. Know what I would like to do? I'd like to sneak in there and swap the wasabe with the ranch dip and sit back and watch the spoiled brats dip a few carrot sticks in that. Tell me the Keebler elves didn't make those chocolate chip cookies. I believe this is where the Disney ties were sitting when they dreamed up free dining. Come on over to the Outback sometime and I'll fix you up with a fruity girlie drink, some boxed wine, a decent beer, hell, I'll even open up a bag of Doritos, and I won't charge you. That's what I call free.

[GaDawgFan.....Kelly 799]

Watch out, all those pictures of you smiling are going to ruin your image. 

[DaveInTN 3,247]

Watch out, all those pictures of you smiling are going to ruin your image. 

 

Trolls apparently like dogs.  Put some children in a picture with him though and I bet you'd get a different expression. 

 

Personally, I like the checkers on the porch.  Inevitably, one of my kids will ask me to play with them, and I always crush them at that game.  Talk about a self esteem booster.  Always puts a smile on my face. 

[ftwildernessguy 778]

Trolls apparently like dogs.  Put some children in a picture with him though and I bet you'd get a different expression. 

 

Personally, I like the checkers on the porch.  Inevitably, one of my kids will ask me to play with them, and I always crush them at that game.  Talk about a self esteem booster.  Always puts a smile on my face.

I have found knocking Mickey bars out of strange annoying children's hands works for me.

[jjbescher 17]

I am wondering when he got a rocking chair.  He started off by complaining he had to sit at the picnic table, then he is in a rocking chair.  Did he take people out to get a rocking chair?

[GOBA Mom Lynn 18]

I've been following along, enjoying this trip report.  

We've done a family meal at Whispering Canyon.  We had like 12 people doing the all-you-can-eat.  I had gotten 2:30pm reservations and we had the place to ourselves.   They had the kids and adults do the stick horse race through the restaurant and the hotel lobby.  Fun times!

 

Growing up our family would go to this hotel in NW PA.  http://clphotelconneaut.com/about.html

If you look at the website, they just recently added AC, heating, etc to SOME of the rooms.  And the porch on the hotel is large and great... white rocking chairs overlooking the lake.

[Big Kahuna aka John 71]

I am wondering when he got a rocking chair.  He started off by complaining he had to sit at the picnic table, then he is in a rocking chair.  Did he take people out to get a rocking chair?

Lets hope no one goes exploring in River Country anytime soon... :rofl2: