The Trolls Invade the Fort

[caveat lector 181]

Mr. Troll,

I agree with your cogent summation of an alternative pricing scheme for Coke. Makes a lot of sense. However, I believe that Disneys pencil pushers can only apply logic on a unilateral basis. They incorrectly believe that anything associated with Disney (even a vending machine), possesses inelastic demand. It would be interesting to see the relationship details between coke and Disney. Is there a set fee that Disney receives, is it volume related, who pays for the machine, who pays for maintenance, who pays to stock it, etc.

Ok, maybe my articulation isn't a rant, but it's kind of "troll like." :)

[michele j 9]

Thank you for the photo of the troll pups  :heart:  They are so cute. 

 

So glad they both found a wonderful home. You have lots of love in that troll heart.

 

Three bucks for a soda?  What are they smokin.. No way

 

Michele

[stacktester 78]

Norm, the dog story is great. My daughter and I recently got a Chihuahua and even though most make fun of me on here about her life goes on and she has a loving home. I too love 900 loop (911 to be exact). Before it became a premium loop we always stayed in there. Now 1700 is our loop so before you go beatin up on it lol take her easy. The bridge and that walking trail is cool. I need to remember to enjoy that next trip.

[Hotmamac aka Misty 11]

So excited for another Troll report!! Although I have to say, my 8 year old daughter happened to be around when I read the last one and now whenever I try to take her picture I get this...

 

 

 

Yep...duck face.  :rofl3:

 

But I'll still read along anyway. 

[Beckers 1,136]

Once inside, if you decide you're thirsty, you can buy a Coke for a very reasonable price:

.

So, according to this photo it's actually $3 for 0 ozs of soda? What a deal!

[Family of Bears 98]

Don't be fooled guys. Troll is a big softy. Haven't met in person, but I can just tell. I was surprised first time I saw his pic. Expecting a grumpy old guy. Like Lou.

[The Troll 67]

Near the top of page 3 bragging rights for TCD. 

 

I tried to post earlier, but all kinds of error messages prevented that.

 

Anyway, nice report so far.

 

Looking forward to more.

 

TCD

 

Thank you, sir. I received the error messages this morning, too, as I was trying to compose my installment. I think Fort Fiends would benefit from a new hosting service.

 

What?

 

You got a full bag of ice from the 900 loop comfort station ice machine?

 

I haven't used that ice machine in five years.

 

The last time I used it, it dispensed less than half a bag.

 

If I were a Troll, that ice machine certainly would be the basis for a rant.

 

So, even when I have stayed on the 900 loop, which has been quite a few times over the years, I've taken my ice purchasing business elsewhere.

 

There's an ice machine at the Fort which consistently dispenses a bag and a half of ice for two bucks.  I cannot disclose where it is for obvious reasons. Further, one must be very dexterous to catch the ice, so even if I did tell you, you probably couldn't handle it, since the one bag seems to have been difficult for you.

 

TCD

 

Please tell Mrs. Troll where this bag-and-a-half ice machine is. It would mean I would have to make 50% less ice trips.

 

Love the troll bridge duty photo.

 

Pretty dogs.  Love that they are rescues.

 

Thank you. Rescue dogs are the only dogs we'll ever have. If you adopt a dog that's about 2 years old, you don't even have to do the housebreaking. Someone else has already suffered through that for you.

 

In my opinion, these signs officially sanction the use of clotheslines at the Fort.  That, along with the fact that they SELL clotheslines at the TP's, make it okey dokie in my book.   

 

Mrs. Troll wanted to set up a clothesline at our site. I said no.

 

Mr. Troll,

I agree with your cogent summation of an alternative pricing scheme for Coke. Makes a lot of sense. However, I believe that Disneys pencil pushers can only apply logic on a unilateral basis. They incorrectly believe that anything associated with Disney (even a vending machine), possesses inelastic demand. It would be interesting to see the relationship details between coke and Disney. Is there a set fee that Disney receives, is it volume related, who pays for the machine, who pays for maintenance, who pays to stock it, etc.

Ok, maybe my articulation isn't a rant, but it's kind of "troll like." :)

 

Not a bad rendition! Agree with the Coke/Disney relationship. You know Coke views Disney as a major cash cow.

 

Thank you for the photo of the troll pups  :heart:  They are so cute. 

 

So glad they both found a wonderful home. You have lots of love in that troll heart.

 

Three bucks for a soda?  What are they smokin.. No way

 

Michele

 

We love our puppas. They're laying on the bed in between us as I type these words!

Norm, the dog story is great. My daughter and I recently got a Chihuahua and even though most make fun of me on here about her life goes on and she has a loving home. I too love 900 loop (911 to be exact). Before it became a premium loop we always stayed in there. Now 1700 is our loop so before you go beatin up on it lol take her easy. The bridge and that walking trail is cool. I need to remember to enjoy that next trip.

 

Dogs are awesome. So cool of God for designing them. We checked out site 911...not a bad site, but we still prefer 916.

 

So excited for another Troll report!! Although I have to say, my 8 year old daughter happened to be around when I read the last one and now whenever I try to take her picture I get this...

 

 

 

Yep...duck face.  :rofl3:

 

But I'll still read along anyway. 

 

Noooooooooo! Please tell me she is doing that just to agitate me and it's not a genuine duck face!

 

So, according to this photo it's actually $3 for 0 ozs of soda? What a deal!

 

Yeah. Disney should have a machine where you insert $3 and all it gives you back is a slip of paper that says, "Sucker!"

 

I bet they'd sell a ton of them.

 

Don't be fooled guys. Troll is a big softy. Haven't met in person, but I can just tell. I was surprised first time I saw his pic. Expecting a grumpy old guy. Like Lou.

 

I'm a young grumpy guy. Or, well, not young. Not old, either. Whatever I am.

[mommy rainbo.....Bo 41]

I'm in. I'm in. I love Troll rants.

[Katman1356...Jason 1,140]

Thank you, sir. I received the error messages this morning, too, as I was trying to compose my installment. I think Fort Fiends would benefit from a new hosting service.

 

 

Not the hosting service. It is actually a growing pains issue. Chris and Jen migrated us to a new server we have all to ourselves but that required changes to the tables in the database. Some of those changes are not working well with the new server and Chris is working with them to figure it out. There seem to be more people keeping them informed when we go down so the downtime has not been lasting as long while Chris continues working on it....I think I remember most of that right from various discussions. Oh and I am in and loving the report. 

[ftwildernessguy 778]

There is one factor that messes up Troll's economic theory, and that is the Disney Factor. At Disney, the brainless hordes will gladly line up and pay any amount for anything. And I mean anything. If Disney has a worthless piece of crap that nobody wants, they will slap a sign on it that says "limit 3 per customer" and the demand goes up exponentially. It is Disneyeconomics, and it is the law of the land.

[The Troll 67]

Not the hosting service. It is actually a growing pains issue. Chris and Jen migrated us to a new server we have all to ourselves but that required changes to the tables in the database. Some of those changes are not working well with the new server and Chris is working with them to figure it out. There seem to be more people keeping them informed when we go down so the downtime has not been lasting as long while Chris continues working on it....I think I remember most of that right from various discussions. Oh and I am in and loving the report. 

 

Let's hope they get it all sorted out soon! Shame they didn't choose phpBB as the board software. phpBB boards are a snap to move.

 

There is one factor that messes up Troll's economic theory, and that is the Disney Factor. At Disney, the brainless hordes will gladly line up and pay any amount for anything. And I mean anything. If Disney has a worthless piece of crap that nobody wants, they will slap a sign on it that says "limit 3 per customer" and the demand goes up exponentially. It is Disneyeconomics, and it is the law of the land.

 

Indeed. I believe, however, that Disneyeconomics applies mostly to just things bearing the three circle logo. But standard bottles of Coke? I wonder. Mrs. Troll pointed out that during the hot summer months, the $3 Cokes probably fly out of the machine. So whom do you blame for this atrocity, the seller or the buyer?

[Tri-Circle-D 2,059]

http://s301.photobucket.com/user/Tri-Circle-D/media/4%2029%2013/duckface_zps5221ee19.jpg.html'>

 

[The Troll 67]

OK, time for another installment.

 

As I mentioned previously, it was time for some looping. But first, a few more shots from around site 916.

 

Time for a midmorning nap:

 

 

If you plan to walk across this, the fee is $5. Payable to me:

 

 

Here's a tribute to "Downton Abbey":

 

 

Did anyone get that last joke?

 

 

I'll be talking a lot about rocks in this troll report. This, however, is NOT a rock:

 

 

It's one of those poorly made poured concrete "rocks" that's usually created to anchor something in place. But it's not anchoring anything. It's just sitting there like, well, a rock. It anchored something at some point. I wonder what? Perhaps it was part of the foot bridge at one point?

 

When Walt and company were planning the Fort and they said, "Let's cut canals through the campground so that the guests can go canoeing!" I wonder if they realized the water would end up looking like this:

 

 

Or that the canals would become littered with beer bottles and faded Gatorade jugs? Stuff is great until people enter the picture.

 

Elma is really enjoying the dog walk:

 

 

A lush, tropical paradise:

 

 

And, of course, no trip report would be complete without the obligatory site marker photo:

 

 

Notice we have one of the vintage concrete, faux wood markers, not one of those disposable wooden ones.

 

Also notice what's on the ground all around my site marker:

 

 

We'll be coming back to that later.

 

As I mentioned, there was some looping to be done:

 

 

 

Notice here on the left. Rocks:

 

 

They're, like, corral rocks from the bottom of some body of water.

 

And I'm confident they've been here since the day the Fort opened.

 

Interesting.

 

OK, time to upload more photos to Photobucket. More to come later...

[Tri-Circle-D 2,059]

Hey Troll-

 

Since you love bridges, the next time you go looping, please go out the back of the 300 loop and see if the bridge across the spillway is fenced off.

 

Mouseketab/Carol posted a question about that here, and nobody has answered:  http://www.fortfiends.net/forum/topic/9855-bridge-to-spillway-gated-off/

 

Since you have a cart and all, it will only take a minute.

 

Yes, I know there are signs saying no carts, but you know how that goes.  If you happen to disturb one of the idiot rangers taking a break back there, just let him know I said it was OK.

 

Thanks a bunch.

 

TCD

[GaDawgFan.....Kelly 799]

Do you leave an "on your honor" fee box at the bridge when you leave?

[dvccamper 32]

It's only a guess but is the Downton Abbey reference in regards to the dog walking away, like at the beginning of the show?

I am enjoying the TR, rants and all.

[alexwyattmommy 181]

Looking forward to more.

[The Troll 67]

Hey Troll-

 

Since you love bridges, the next time you go looping, please go out the back of the 300 loop and see if the bridge across the spillway is fenced off.

 

Mouseketab/Carol posted a question about that here, and nobody has answered:  http://www.fortfiends.net/forum/topic/9855-bridge-to-spillway-gated-off/

 

Since you have a cart and all, it will only take a minute.

 

Yes, I know there are signs saying no carts, but you know how that goes.  If you happen to disturb one of the idiot rangers taking a break back there, just let him know I said it was OK.

 

Thanks a bunch.

 

TCD

 

On it!

 

Do you leave an "on your honor" fee box at the bridge when you leave?

 

Will you leave money in it? If yes, I'm sure I can scrounge up a box out of the trash somewhere.

 

It's only a guess but is the Downton Abbey reference in regards to the dog walking away, like at the beginning of the show?

I am enjoying the TR, rants and all.

 

Correct! Strange opening for a show, isn't it? A dog's butt?

 

Looking forward to more.

 

More is on its way!

[The Troll 67]

Let's journey on!

 

I've uploaded more photos, so I have more eye candy for the reading averse. Can't say I blame anyone for not wanting to read my babble and rants. Rocks, bridges, hoses, bruised knees, ice machines. Deep material!

 

You know, they call Fort Wilderness a campground and resort. I have a friend at work, however, who insists that what we (Fort Fiends) is not camping. Two weeks ago he was talking smack about how he was going out to the deep woods to a primitive campsite to camp with nothing but a tent and sleeping bags. That's camping, he said.

 

Well guess what?

 

After one night in the tent, he woke up the next day to find that he had gotten a tick on him. So he packed up his tent and drove 250 miles home! After one night!

 

So maybe what we do isn't camping...but I don't have ticks on me when I sleep at night.

 

Anyway, so on our first night at the Fort, we grilled steaks. They were awesome. Afterwards, Mrs. Troll suggested we travel on over to the Polynesian for some Dole Whip. 

 

She got no argument out of me.

 

So we rode the boat from the Fort to the Contemporary and then rode the Monorail to the Poly.

 

Here's the lobby of the Contemporary:

 

 

It's been "modernized" many times over since opening day, but it still has its original feel to me. The Contemporary was built to be a vision of the future, a demonstration of construction methods of the future, but you know what? The Contemporary is now more about nostalgia than it is about the future. Strangely ironic.

 

The same thing can be said about the monorail system, really.

 

 

Back in the day, monorails were a vision of the future. It was how the world would travel "someday." All the concept art and promo photos always looked something like this:

 

 

Nicely dressed, smiling families happily moving from point A to point B in sparkling, clean, safe, sleek mass transit vehicles. But the reality of monorails outside of Disney parks is more like this:

 

So I no longer believe that monorails are the future. More like a flawed, obsolete vision. I think the future of transportation is the self-driving car. Think how awesome that would be. Automobile accidents would be reduced to near zero. Think of all the ambulance chasers that'll be out of work!

 

Ha ha. Lawyer joke. My apologies to any lawyers reading along. There's no lawyers reading Fort Fiends, right?

 

But the monorails at Disney are perfectly effective in getting people from the Contemporary to this:

 

 

This is straight out of the self serve machine at the Poly. Mrs. Troll pointed out the odd location of the Dole Whip machine. It's down in that weird, tucked-away food court place. And Dole Whip isn't even on the menu. You just have to know that they serve it and then ask for it from the dude at the register. Otherwise, no Dole Whip for you. Go to MK. Pay $90 to get in. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

 

But because we're Fort Fiends and because we spend a large chunk of our lives reading this board, we know there is Dole Whip at the Poly. Thanks, Fort Fiends!

 

While sitting, enjoying our Dole Whips, I noticed this not-so-hidden Mickey in the carpet:

 

 

You know what that means? It means it's time for a rant.

 

[TROLL RANT]

Enough with the "hidden" Mickeys, already! Damn enough, already! You're not even hiding the stupid things anymore. It's like parents "hiding" the Easter Eggs on the coffee table and right next to the XBox controllers.

 

It's like the Disney management had a meeting and some suit said, "Wow! These schmuck guests really like the hidden Mickeys! Let's put them everywhere! All over the place! All over the place, you understand me? When I walk into a resort or one of the parks, I should see a hidden Mickey every damned place I look! Everywhere my eye lands, I should see a hidden Mickey. Got it? Now get busy!"

[/TROLL RANT]

 

Anyway, next to where we were scarfing down the Dole Whip is this horrible, horrible, tacky "art" shop where they sell these really tacky dolphins and pictures of stingrays that look like they were drawn by 5-year-olds.

 

Here's one crappy piece in the collection:

 

 

Wow. Awful. F. What is that, paint by numbers?

 

Let's see how much they want for this kitsch:

 

 

You know what "Please inquire within" means? It means ripoff. It means that the price is so ridiculously high, they won't dare stick it on the picture itself. This way, if you're some unsuspecting sucker and you decide to go in and ask how much the piece of crap is, thinking they'll say, oh, $50, you'll instead be roped into a very high pressure sales pitch on how they can provide "affordable" financing for the piece of crap.

 

I was going to take other pictures of the "artwork" in this junk shop but didn't want to waste the smidgen of memory space on my camera that said pictures would require. Just take my word for it that it's awful. Crappy dolphin statues that you can buy at Walmart.

 

Once we finished our Dole Whips and I was finished scowling at the "artwork," we hopped back on the failed vision and rode it back to the Contemporary. Evidently now they do some weird, nighttime "pirate ship" show thing where people pay lots of money to hop aboard pontoon boats with pirate decorations from Party City taped on them and go on a "pirate excursion."

 

Whatever that means.

 

Anyway, as if this wasn't weird enough, "Captain Hook" was out on the dock, seeing all the suckers off on their pontoon pirate boat excursion. This guy:

 

 

Again, I am not making this up. It was Captain Hook. He was waving his hook goodbye to all the happy land lubbers as the pontoon boat pushed away from the dock. I mean it. He was waving his hook. 

 

Waving it goodbye.

 

What the hell is going on?!?

 

Captain Hook is a bad guy, people! A bad guy! And when I say, "bad guy," I mean bad as in murderer, not bad as in Swiper from Dora the Explorer.

 

Here's the Disney story department's description of Captain Hook: "He is a fop...Yet very mean, to the point of being murderous. This combination of traits should cause plenty of amusement whenever he talks or acts."

 

Yes, they described him as "murderous." And somehow a murderer who wears foppish hats with big feathers in them is "amusing." So let's have him wave goodbye with his hook to all the children! The hook that, by the way, Peter Pan chopped off and fed to a crocodile.

 

As if all of this wasn't bad enough, evidently the actor who normally plays Captain Hook was sick that night so they had to recruit the actor who plays Pluto to fill in for him. Because it was very clearly Pluto in a Captain Hook suit. You know what I'm talking about. That dancing from foot to foot where the foot that isn't bearing the actor's load at the moment has its toe pointed up. Like this:

 

 

So that did it. I was not happy. I was infuriated, in fact. So when that Captain Hook started walking up the dock toward me after waving goodbye to the suckers in the pontoon boat, he saw me scowling, so he waved his hook at me. So I said in disgust, "I thought you were supposed to be a bad guy!" To which he paused, confused, and then played it off by making the so-so hand gesture at me.

 

Well I had enough of this travesty, so we headed back to camp. When we got there, we took the pups for a night walk and then hit the sack. It had been a busy day.

 

The next day we got up early. I wanted to get up and sit in my recliner camp chair and enjoy the gentle quiet of the morning. The birds, the crickets, the squirrels scurrying about, the soft breeze...

 

...but instead...

 

 

Zzzzzzroom...zzzzzroom...zzzzzroom...zzzzzroom...

 

Over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

 

So angrily I snapped the leashes on my pups and headed down the dog walk for some peace and quiet away from the against-the-rules-but-who-cares motorized scooter.

 

Well, as I mentioned previously, the 900 loop backs up to the group camping area. And the group camping area was jam-packed with Boy Scouts, which, itself, is ordinarily not a problem. But this time, one of the dads accompanying the Boy Scouts looked like these guys:

 

 

And he had the "music" to match.

 

Thumping, vulgar music where every third word was either the eff bomb or the naughty word for poop. I am not making this up. This really happened. And the "music" was really, really loud. And it was, like, 8AM. So great that the values of Scouting are being passed on to future generations.

 

So I headed back to camp to call the park rangers. Fortunately, though, by the time I got there the "music" stopped. Evidently the other Boy Scout dads grunt rushed him and gave him a beat down. Or, well, at least that's the story I like to believe.

 

When I got there, this was waiting for me:

 

 

Yum!

 

More to come! The fun has only just begun!

[h2odivers...Ray 952]

I'm finally caught up.

Great observation about the contemporary now being nostalgic. That's so true.

Did you notice who the father of that we'll dressed family is?

[LONE-STAR 370]

We do have a lawyer that reads along. But not me, I am a plumber.

[ftwildernessguy 778]

The art shop at the Poly is a perfect example of appealing to the foreigners. I mean, who else would buy that crap? In fact, it may not even appeal to them, since I have never seen anyone buy anything there. Disneyeconomics 101.

[BuckeyeFortMama 43]

My first troll report. I finally understand the troll rant and why they are enjoyed.

[DaveInTN 3,247]

Did you notice who the father of that we'll dressed family is?

 

I did...and laughed at that one.  He must have been VP then? 

[caveat lector 181]

So Mr. Troll....how do you really feel about the crappy art work

Btw, kudos for slipping in a reference to Dora's swiper. Very impressive.