The Trolls Run from Isaac!

[Gots2pitt.. Jeff 64]

Great picture of Mrs. Troll. I am thinking my wife would have a slightly angrier look on her face.

Your wife won't ride?

Well she doesn't like heights. I am going to try to get her on a few more rollercoasters this year with my son. He is just big enough now to ride them. I am sure I can get him to ask mommy to ride with him. :)

[The Troll 67]

Sorry for the delay in update, folks. I meant to post an update last night but this annoying thing called "work" keeps getting in the way of the important things in life -- like writing a report about a trip to a theme park on the Internet!

But hopefully this next installment will be worth the wait.

When we last left off, Mrs. Troll and I had just ridden the Yeti Coaster.

Oh, did I mention that we're at 5,888 views? Just shy of 6,000! Thanks to everyone for your support!

Anyway, we had just had a close encounter with a Yeti that had frozen in the deep cold of the Himalayas.

Poor creature.

Now our plan was to go visit some other creatures that some people believe are mythical: Dinosaurs!

I've been reading a lot recently about dinosaurs. I'm afraid to report that the dinos we see at Epcot and AK and the ones we see on "Jurassic Park" are pretty much just fiction. Real dinosaurs were entirely unimpressive. Like did you know that the raptor -- the cunning, ultra-intelligent man-killers in "Jurassic Park" -- was really just a lame flightless bird like a turkey? It's true.

And the T-Rex? All he was was a shambling scavenger...like a big buzzard. Talk about shattered illusions.

But that's OK. Hollywood and Disney won't let those little things known as "science" and "facts" to get in their way. They still make the cool dinosaurs.

So despite the fact that science has demonstrated that dinosaurs were just big, dumb birds, I really, really like the Dinosaur ride at AK. It's so awesomely well done.

And scary.

There's that one part where the dino is about to eat you. That part even creeps ME out. So maybe it was kind of reckless of me to encourage my then-six-year-old niece Ashley to ride it with me? Yes, I did that. And Mrs. Troll was very displeased with me afterwards. I forgot that six-year-olds often don't understand that very well articulated, computer-controlled animatronic dinosaurs aren't harmful.

Fortunately, the Troll didn't have any innocent, impressionable six-year-olds with him this time, so he could enjoy the dinos without having to feel guilty afterwards.

On the way, I checked my watch to see how long it was until it was Happy Hour time:

Almost 3PM. So by the time we finished our visit with the unrealistic dinos, it would be that time.

Earlier in this report I told the story of me getting a haircut at the Main Street barbershop and some readers asked to see a picture of the results. Well, here I am, post-haircut:

Not too bad, I suppose.

And here we are, entering Dinoland USA:

And here's a terrible shot of the path leading to the ride:

Here's a better shot:

Now check out this shot:

I was pretending to take a picture of the entrance of the attraction, but I was really taking a picture of the little guy in the stroller. Check him out! He's wiped out! He's laying in his stroller the way you slink down in a recliner. Poor guy. He probably should be taken to the hospital along with that little girl we saw earlier.

Do small kids typically fall asleep at 3PM? I have no idea.

And here's the entrance:

No line, no wait!

Anyway, if you haven't noticed, I really like the back stories of Disney's attractions, and the Dinosaur ride is no exception. So while we were in the queue and they started up the movie explaining the ride, I snapped this shot:

Kind of difficult to see in this picture, but the lady on the left is Phylicia Rashad, better known as Mrs. Huxtible from the legendary "Cosby Show." The guy on the right is...I don't know who...some douchebag.

Is "douchebag" a bad word?

I hope not. I don't think it is. If it is, my apologies to all my readers. And my apologies to the curator of this forum.

Anyway, so the story is sort of an amalgam of the great movie "Aliens" and the aforementioned "Jurassic Park." It goes like this: Some research center has developed a time travel family-sized expedition vehicle. Mr. Douchebag on the right has decided he wants to get rich by going back in time and bringing back a living dinosaur. His only problem is, Mrs. Huxtible caught him in his attempt to do this and has barred him from going back in time.

So he's decided to enlist us -- the audience, a bunch of soccer moms, scads of eight-year-old little girls, and two trolls -- to go get said dinosaur for him so he can get rich.

See now why I call him Mr. Douchebag?

Well now if sending a pack of unsuspecting theme park tourists back in time to brave carnivorous dinosaurs isn't bad enough, Mr. Douchebag has decided to send us back to the moment just minutes before the colossal meteor that wiped out all the dinosaurs on earth is about to strike.

What a guy!

So, like the fools we are, we agree to help Mr. Douchebag with his unethical and self-absorbed plan and happily hop aboard our Time Rover.

And zap! We're back in time.

Needless to say, we do retrieve the target dino for Mr. Douchebag, who, presumably, goes on to make billions. We, his dirty work doers, are sent on our way and dumped unceremoniously into a gift shop. Heck, we don't even get a free turkey leg for our troubles.

They want almost $10 bucks for one! See:

So we did NOT indulge in turkey legs after our journey back in time. But we did indulge in something else from this turkey leg vendor -- a Frozen Blueberry Mango Rum Lemonade. Oh, yeah. It was adult beverage time!

Here it is:

And since it is a rum drink, I decided to do my best Captain Morgan pose:

And now here's an extra special POV shot for you:

You're enjoying a frozen lemonade blueberry mango rum whatever drink!

My apologies to all the Mormons and Baptists out there...

...I'm making you drink. Sorry! When we all get to the Pearly Gates, don't worry -- I'll take the heat.

So we sat down for a bit to enjoy our drinks and get brain freeze. Once we were done, we decided to exit the park and head back to the Fort. After all, we had successfully ridden the only two attractions worth the price of admission to this place. I had no interest in going on that "safari."

Yeah..."safari." That "ride" that takes you through a Florida wasteland to look at sleeping animals. It's an attraction that the Disney overlords knew is so boring, they had to add fake animals to it to spice it up. And even then it's dull.

Save the fake baby elephant! Save the fake baby elephant!

Disney should know better by now. They should realize that the less politically correct an attraction is, the more fun it is. Attractions that feature women being auctioned off into sex slavery and innocent townsmen being thrown into jail cells to burn alive and attractions that feature lovesick husbands who commit suicide by hanging themselves are sooooooo much more fun than saving baby elephants from poachers.

Oh, and let's not forget that one ride based on that racist movie...damn, that's the funnest ride of them all!

Huh, what? Who just said that? Someone snuck into my trip report and wrote that.

OK, going to go ahead and post this before I tear through the envelope...I say "tear" because I've already pushed it too far!

[BigTom 76]

That green stuff in the canel is called "Duck Weed". Ducks are suppose to like to eat it however it covers most of the water pond around here with ducks swimming in it. BigTom

[mouseketab.....Carol 1,261]

Love your writeup about Animal Kingdom!!

Two points, that "douchebag" is now on CSI as a nerdy lab technician.

Second, don't you agree that the paper straws are awful!!!!! Surprised no rant about them!!

[The Troll 67]

That green stuff in the canel is called "Duck Weed". Ducks are suppose to like to eat it however it covers most of the water pond around here with ducks swimming in it. BigTom

That's it! Duck Weed!

This is exactly the crap I was in:

[K2P2mom 2]

Hooray for another installment!!

A couple thoughts...

Agreed that duck weed is sticky and disgusting (personal experience).

Some of us northern baptist enjoy a nippy nip every now and then.

On a bad days at work I listen to the sound track from my most favorite attraction in all of the WDW and then run around the office singing "everybody has a laughing place".

I am loving your TR!!

[CCIntrigue...aka Gwen 547]

Really enjoyed this last post. I will never ride EE (it's a height thing with me too), and your pics just cemented that feeling for me.

But, my first priority on my next visit to AK is to ride Dinosaur! I can't wait!

Never heard of duck weed before. Always thought the canals were covered with algae.

[Gots2pitt.. Jeff 64]

Really enjoyed this last post. I will never ride EE (it's a height thing with me too), and your pics just cemented that feeling for me.

But, my first priority on my next visit to AK is to ride Dinosaur! I can't wait!

Never heard of duck weed before. Always thought the canals were covered with algae.

I may have talked my wife into riding EE... it's been nice knowing you guys. :pope:

[Tri-Circle-D 2,059]

Very good, Norm.

The TCD gang also loves the Dinosaur ride. The twins still hide from the big dinosaur at the end, but we ride it almost every time we visit AK. It seldom has a long line.

Twin #1 can recite the entire pre-show video.

The DB's character's name is Dr. Seeker. The actor's name is Wallace Langham. I did not know that he has a regular gig on CSI. I don't watch that show, so thanks to Carol for that fact.

I'm not sure if you ever noticed this, but at the end of the ride, in the gift shop, on the opposite wall from where the ride photos are displayed, their are video monitors. They play a funny "surveillance" video on there showing Dr. Seeker running in fear around the Dino Institute complex being chased by the dinosaur that we just helped him bring back. Most guests walk right past those monitors, but it is worth a look.

Also, with regard to the safari ride, I have heard the fake baby elephant is gone, and they are in the process of re-doing the ending part of the ride. I haven't seen this yet, but I will be checking on it one day soon. We like the safari ride, but I do agree the fake aspects of it are not well done.

TCD

[Southern Blessings 4]

You write a great TR! Your green slime story had me laughing out loud, really! That duck weed stuff sounds like beggar's lice in water. Really yucky! I like AK, but mainly for EE! That ride rocks, I wish they'd fix the Yeti, too, he hasn't worked in ages!

[The Troll 67]

Love your writeup about Animal Kingdom!!

Two points, that "douchebag" is now on CSI as a nerdy lab technician.

Second, don't you agree that the paper straws are awful!!!!! Surprised no rant about them!!

I do agree that those paper straws stink. I hate them! It's just a ploy -- they tell us that they're for the animals' welfare, but that's BS. The animals just give them a ready excuse to use cheap straws.

Hooray for another installment!!

A couple thoughts...

Agreed that duck weed is sticky and disgusting (personal experience).

Some of us northern baptist enjoy a nippy nip every now and then.

On a bad days at work I listen to the sound track from my most favorite attraction in all of the WDW and then run around the office singing "everybody has a laughing place".

Ha ha, you, too?! I just did that this morning. I have the CD in my car. I listen to it on my way to work. Seriously!

Really enjoyed this last post. I will never ride EE (it's a height thing with me too), and your pics just cemented that feeling for me.

But, my first priority on my next visit to AK is to ride Dinosaur! I can't wait!

Never heard of duck weed before. Always thought the canals were covered with algae.

The Dinosaur ride is great, isn't it?!

I may have talked my wife into riding EE... it's been nice knowing you guys. :pope:

Sorry, Jeff. You can't trick her to ride it?

Very good, Norm.

The TCD gang also loves the Dinosaur ride. The twins still hide from the big dinosaur at the end, but we ride it almost every time we visit AK. It seldom has a long line.

Twin #1 can recite the entire pre-show video.

The DB's character's name is Dr. Seeker. The actor's name is Wallace Langham. I did not know that he has a regular gig on CSI. I don't watch that show, so thanks to Carol for that fact.

I'm not sure if you ever noticed this, but at the end of the ride, in the gift shop, on the opposite wall from where the ride photos are displayed, their are video monitors. They play a funny "surveillance" video on there showing Dr. Seeker running in fear around the Dino Institute complex being chased by the dinosaur that we just helped him bring back. Most guests walk right past those monitors, but it is worth a look.

Also, with regard to the safari ride, I have heard the fake baby elephant is gone, and they are in the process of re-doing the ending part of the ride. I haven't seen this yet, but I will be checking on it one day soon. We like the safari ride, but I do agree the fake aspects of it are not well done.

TCD

I have never seen that surveillance video of Dr. Seeker running from the dino we brought back. It's good to know that he gets a fitting end! I am definitely going to look for that on our next trip. Thanks for the tip!

You write a great TR! Your green slime story had me laughing out loud, really! That duck weed stuff sounds like beggar's lice in water. Really yucky! I like AK, but mainly for EE! That ride rocks, I wish they'd fix the Yeti, too, he hasn't worked in ages!

Thanks for the compliment!

And I agree with you -- EE is one of the very best attractions at all of WDW.

[SCTigerCock 171]

That's it! Duck Weed!

This is exactly the crap I was in:

Your a frog? I thought a Troll? Or is there a TrollFrog?

I'm confused.

[The Troll 67]

Moving right along!

We've gone over 6,000 views! I'm beginning to feel better about my chances of making 10,000 views...we're more than halfway there!

So when we last left off, Mrs. Troll and I had just finished a frozen mango lemonade rum drink thing, gotten brain freeze, and were now on our way back to camp. Our bus stop was right outside the park, bus stop #1.

Don't believe me? Here's the proof:

One advantage to being tied to the hip of the Wilderness Lodge is that those high ups typically get preferential treatment. And we get to benefit from it. So here we are, waiting on our bus:

While we were waiting, Mrs. Troll noticed that Disney security was moving about with bomb sniffing dogs:

Did you know that Disney has its own K-9 units? I didn't. That means Walt has his own Navy and police force. Check it out:

Soon enough, our bus arrived:

Isn't it a wonderful feeling to see your bus pull up? It's a small, natural high.

So we hopped aboard and were delighted to realize that we were in the most air conditioned bus in the history of humankind. It was like a meat locker in there! So we kicked back in our seats, relaxed, and decided to enjoy the ride.

Which was a good thing...

...because our ride was extra long...

...our bus driver missed the turn into Fort Wilderness! He drove all the way past and had to drive through the Port Orleans parking lot to turn back around.

Finally we got back. So we decided to do some quick looping.

We weren't even out of the 700 loop when we spotted this guy:

Talk about one smart deer. If I were a deer, I'd hang out at the Fort, too. No hunters, no predators. Look how close he is to the water pole of that site.

Previously I had complained about how desolate the Fort was. But now look -- it's filling up for the Labor Day weekend:

And check out this site:

The occupants of the site literally just unloaded their stuff from their vehicle and bugged out for the parks!

And then I spotted some kindred souls:

Notice these folks are from New Hampshire. I wonder if they believe the dumb birds in the enclosures at AK are from Africa?

And not far from CindyC and her family were more kindred souls:

Interesting sign:

They have a Musket Mickey! See:

And then we noticed some wild flamingos:

I find these birds far more interesting than the real ones at AK.

And then...

...drumroll please...

...here it is, folks...

...I hinted at this abomination earlier...

...and now here it is...

EEEeeeeeerrrrrt!

That's me, hitting the brakes on the Kenny cart. Why? Because this struck our eyeballs:

WTF?!?

Just a bit of trivia before I begin my scathing rant -- Mrs. Troll and I actually camped in this very site last March.

And now, Fred and Lamont have set up camp there.

Here's an even better -- or, well, worse -- shot:

So much going on here that confuses me.

I don't mean to be mean, but seriously, WTF? What is all that crap? Why would anyone go to all the extreme effort to pack it, haul it, unpack it, and then put it all up?

You know, they say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but, now, come on.

See? It's precisely because of situations like this that an authority -- DISNEY -- should set the standards and decide what is tasteful and what isn't. I mean, what if you're camping across the street from this and have to look at it every day of your trip?

That's it. I feel an official Troll Rant coming on.

[TROLL RANT ON]

I'm so sick and tired of people playing the, "I have rights," card. Pretty much nowadays, people believe they can do anything and then claim that it's their right to do so. I want to broadcast, in public, on the Internet, for all the world to see, the following:

NO, YOU DON'T.

Your rights end right where they begin to affect anyone else.

OK? Pretty simple. If your actions impact someone else, don't do it.

I remember a story a young recent college graduate told me that runs along this vein. He said one time his friends and he decided it would be fun to go to the roof of their five story apartment building and shoot fireworks off of it. No reason, no holiday, no 4th of July -- they were just bored and figured it would be fun!

Mind you, it was 1AM in the morning. And mind you, this was in a densely populated area of Chicago.

So they were shooting off fireworks at night when many of their neighbors had to wake up early in the morning and shooting the fireworks into a populated area, which, you know, could start a fire.

So, as one would expect, an upset resident of the apartment building called the police. The police showed up and told the young college kids to knock it off. Now, back in my day, if my friends and I were doing something this selfish and this dumb, our immediate response would be, "Yes, sir!"

But not these kids.

Nope!

Instead the college kid telling me the story bragged about how they stood up to the police and argued that they had Constitutional rights to fire off the fireworks!

I'm not making this up. This is what our world is coming to.

Bottom line...clean this up:

Leave all that crap at home!

I know maybe I've been a bit too harsh and critical about my extreme vocal dislike of the inflatable decorations, but now, come on. This goes too far.

[/TROLL RANT OFF]

So we rode on past the Sanford and Son site and decided to do some browsing at the Meadows Trading Post.

Notice I said, "Meadows." I hereby decree that there is an "S" at the end of "meadow." Don't like it? Too bad!

So we're going to browse the MeadowS Trading Post. We parked next to this cart:

Kinda cool. It's decorated, ostensibly, for Labor Day. But I don't think Labor Day is a patriotic holiday, is it? It's a holiday to celebrate the economic and social contributions of working people, isn't it? I don't know...maybe that makes it patriotic. But then again, how else would you decorate your cart for said holiday?

I know what you're saying: "Shut up, Troll. Stop nitpicking everything."

Here's a closeup of the Labor Day decorations:

So we went inside the trading post and started looking around. We really had no intentions of buying anything. We rarely do. We just like to look.

What's that, you say?

Why don't we buy anything?

Well, here's why:

As you can see, I'm holding a crude bar of soap called "Moose Spit."

And it's $7.

For soap.

$7.

Are we sure we're in a recession?

Here are some totem poles that I like:

And then I noticed this:

Um...hmm. Confused. That's Donald Duck when he was young, right?

Right?

Yeah, I know it's him, because we visited WDW in 1984, and I distinctly remember celebrating Donald's 50th birthday.

But, um, the tagline underneath Donald reads, "The wise little hen."

Umm...Donald is a duck, isn't he? Not a hen.

And Donald is a boy, isn't he? Hens are girls, I thought.

Oh! And Donald is anything but wise. He has a completely out of control anger management problem. He needs anger management classes and, well, a heavy dose of Zoloft. Wise? Bullcrap!

People were weird in the 1930s. Have you noticed that? They talked all weird back then.

Like in "The Wizard of Oz," they don't sing, "We're off to see the WizaRD," they sing, "We're off to see the Wizzud."

Why couldn't they pronounce Rs back then? And why did they think ducks were chickens?

Oh! And why does Donald wear a Navy uniform?

Who knows?

[The Troll 67]

The Fort also had Halloween decorations out:

And some more stuff. I like how they do the presentation of stuff:

And if you're a sucker, you can get a "Goofy Glacier," which is little more than a snow cone:

A snow cone for $7, that is.

Oh, yeah -- it comes with a "souvenir" cup.

What does that mean, anyway?

I also like the word "collectible." Isn't everything in the world collectible?

I mean, people collect bottle caps, for heaven's sake. Bottle caps, to me and all other civilized human beings, are garbage. You throw them away. They go in land fills.

I also like the term "award winning." That stupid ripoff Citricos place is also "award winning." You know what that means? It means you make up an award, print out a certificate on a laser printer, and then award it to yourself. Award winning!

Here's the checkerboard, waiting for some takers:

And this is very cool:

It's a framed picture of the Pioneer Hall back around when the Fort first opened...back when the Fort was themed.

Ahhh...I remember those days.

This is a great picture, but it's out of focus and blurry. Strange picture to frame. You'd think they have a sharp picture of this scene somewhere.

And here's wizzud Mickey:

Again, you gotta pay attention, folks, to get the jokes! You can't just skim and look at the pretty pictures!

You can buy yourself a Wizzud Mickey for only $20:

Interesting that the Chinese laborer who made this Wizzud Mickey likely was only paid about 1 cent to make it. Ironic that it's Labor Day, isn't it?

And you can buy a hand:

Not sure what you'd do with that, but I'm sure they sell the crap out of them.

Oh, and then Mrs. Troll swiped my camera and took a picture of this:

Again, my apologies to the young children reading this report. I debated back and forth whether I should include this picture. But, considering I'm a troll, I have a built in excuse.

Mrs. Troll took this shot because she felt it was just WRONG for this particular item to be sold at the trading post -- especially out in the wide open like this. It's just wrong! Disney World is for children...not for avoiding making children! You people should be ashamed of yourselves.

I quickly snatched the camera back away from Mrs. Troll and took a shot of what SHOULD be sold at the trading post:

OK, so that was our expedition into the trading post. Like I said, we didn't buy anything.

Coming up next, we take a nighttime trip back to the Magic Kingdom!

[Katman1356...Jason 1,140]

Like in "The Wizard of Oz," they don't sing, "We're off to see the WizaRD," they sing, "We're off to see the Wizzud."

Why couldn't they pronounce Rs back then? And why did they think ducks were chickens?

I am going to guess they were from Rhode Island or the Boston area..The pronunciation of r's is almost forbidden up here.

[CCIntrigue...aka Gwen 547]

Fred and Lamont ... :rofl2:

Hope we never have a site near these people!

[Tri-Circle-D 2,059]

Fred and Lamont ... :rofl2:

Hope we never have a site near these people!

Yes! That was the best line in the whole update!

So true!

TCD

[Laura 17]

Oh I laughed so hard at your Sanford and Son comment! I was wondering if this was the site you were going to demonize, as I was thinking exactly the same thing when we were just there. You think THAT was alot, you should see it now! It looks akin to the Wagon Wheel flea market but with pretty lights and a Disney tent I considered trying to bribe them out of. I do often feel sorry wonder what people who get sites next door think. I would not like it and am a bit surprised Disney does not say anything.

I met the nice folks who are at that site, They live there I guess. I believe she is a bus driver for Disney so better watch what you say on the bus or you may get stuffed under it :clint: Because according to Lou the bus drivers can hear and see all just like a good Mother.

I can't even imagine how long or why it would take to pack up the literally hundreds of nick knack things that they have out on tables under an additional tent that you did not even see! I could not take it emotionally. Holy crap it took me over 2 hours of my life to unpack and assemble the 4 blow ups (BACK OFF TROLL BOOGALOO) and golf cart decorations I brought along for our site. I may just torture you and post a picture of our decorated site and cart if I can ever find the time to figure out how. Could someone get TCD on the phone?

I enjoy decorated sites, signs, lights, decorated golf carts, Blowups ect... (you'll come around someday) but piling TONS of figurines on tables and just clutter everywhere (kinda like my living room right now) I do not.

Nice report Troll.

-Laura

[dvccamper 32]

Tell Mrs.Troll that she is right that those items shouldn't be out in the open at the Fort. From your Mrs.Troll's vantage point it looks as though they are down low. Think of the little camping kid with chapped lips who goes into the trading post to get some Blistex. One wrong move and he has picked up the wrong box, brings it back to the campsite and his parents are having the birds and the bees discussion way ahead of schedule...on vacation no less! Ahh, precious camping memories!

[stefa70 205]

Phew, finally all caught up.

Haircut looks fine.

Agree that site has way too much stuff, with no rhyme or reason to any of it.

"I'm coming to join you Elizabeth"

I disagree with condoms not being sold. Have you ever camped next to a family full of bratty children that the parents completely ignore because it's Disney World? Condoms should be cheap and readily available.

As for the children seeing them, they're in practically every bathroom, in every store, around these parts.

Let's revisit the blueberry mango rum thing. Did you like it?

[Nicki aka Rebelstand 272]

Slowly catching up...

[pixeldust 0]

I spent the entire day Saturday reading every bit of this trip report and catching up. Been keeping up every since... Great trip report so far. I love your humor in everything. Can't wait for more.

[ftwildernessguy 778]

Well , i am enjoying this report. You are my kind of guy, Troll. However, I look at a covering of duck weed as camoflage, and an opportunity to sneak up on Devine and defoliate her. I admire your versatility and adaptability when it comes to enjoying adult beverages. The Wise Little Hen was a cartoon starring Donald, who, in typical Donald fashion, refused to help the overweight chicken and her offspring plant, raise, and harvest the corn for the winter. He did manage to get an invite to dinner, however. I especially enjoyed your DVC rant. Well said, Troll, well said. Kudos to Disney, however, for managing to convince thousands to part with large sums of money for a club membership that reverts back to Disney in 40 years. Brilliant. Want to piss off a DVC member? Tell them they really dont own anything except a membership card, and were just stupid enough to pay for the construction of a Disney hotel and help Mickey pay for the upkeep.

Now, carry on.

[The Troll 67]

I am going to guess they were from Rhode Island or the Boston area..The pronunciation of r's is almost forbidden up here.

Ha ha! You said it, not me!

Fred and Lamont ... :rofl2:

Hope we never have a site near these people!

So glad you got the joke!

Yes! That was the best line in the whole update!

So true!

TCD

I love that show. It's one of my top 10 TV shows of all time!

Oh I laughed so hard at your Sanford and Son comment! I was wondering if this was the site you were going to demonize, as I was thinking exactly the same thing when we were just there. You think THAT was alot, you should see it now! It looks akin to the Wagon Wheel flea market but with pretty lights and a Disney tent I considered trying to bribe them out of. I do often feel sorry wonder what people who get sites next door think. I would not like it and am a bit surprised Disney does not say anything.

I met the nice folks who are at that site, They live there I guess. I believe she is a bus driver for Disney so better watch what you say on the bus or you may get stuffed under it :clint: Because according to Lou the bus drivers can hear and see all just like a good Mother.

I can't even imagine how long or why it would take to pack up the literally hundreds of nick knack things that they have out on tables under an additional tent that you did not even see! I could not take it emotionally. Holy crap it took me over 2 hours of my life to unpack and assemble the 4 blow ups (BACK OFF TROLL BOOGALOO) and golf cart decorations I brought along for our site. I may just torture you and post a picture of our decorated site and cart if I can ever find the time to figure out how. Could someone get TCD on the phone?

I enjoy decorated sites, signs, lights, decorated golf carts, Blowups ect... (you'll come around someday) but piling TONS of figurines on tables and just clutter everywhere (kinda like my living room right now) I do not.

Nice report Troll.

-Laura

Hi, Laura -- no, I will never come around! Once a troll, always a troll!

So the folks who live at the Sanford and Son site actually work at Disney? Huh.

Just huh.

Disney doesn't do well with enforcing its rules -- well, its rules that don't have to do with campfire firepits without a solid cover, that is. Got a firepit with a mesh cover, they WILL find you. But then drive this:

And no one will say a word to you.

Tell Mrs.Troll that she is right that those items shouldn't be out in the open at the Fort. From your Mrs.Troll's vantage point it looks as though they are down low. Think of the little camping kid with chapped lips who goes into the trading post to get some Blistex. One wrong move and he has picked up the wrong box, brings it back to the campsite and his parents are having the birds and the bees discussion way ahead of schedule...on vacation no less! Ahh, precious camping memories!

Yes, it's just wrong to see those things at Disney. It's fine to see them at a truck stop men's room, but my beloved Trading Post?! No, I say! No!

Phew, finally all caught up.

Haircut looks fine.

Agree that site has way too much stuff, with no rhyme or reason to any of it.

"I'm coming to join you Elizabeth"

I disagree with condoms not being sold. Have you ever camped next to a family full of bratty children that the parents completely ignore because it's Disney World? Condoms should be cheap and readily available.

As for the children seeing them, they're in practically every bathroom, in every store, around these parts.

Let's revisit the blueberry mango rum thing. Did you like it?

The blueberry mango thing was pretty good. I don't think I could taste any mango, though...

...or rum, for that matter! I didn't feel any, either.

Slowly catching up...

Thanks, Nicki, for catching up!

I spent the entire day Saturday reading every bit of this trip report and catching up. Been keeping up every since... Great trip report so far. I love your humor in everything. Can't wait for more.

Thanks so much for joining the party! I'm glad you're enjoying the ride!

Well , i am enjoying this report. You are my kind of guy, Troll. However, I look at a covering of duck weed as camoflage, and an opportunity to sneak up on Devine and defoliate her. I admire your versatility and adaptability when it comes to enjoying adult beverages. The Wise Little Hen was a cartoon starring Donald, who, in typical Donald fashion, refused to help the overweight chicken and her offspring plant, raise, and harvest the corn for the winter. He did manage to get an invite to dinner, however. I especially enjoyed your DVC rant. Well said, Troll, well said. Kudos to Disney, however, for managing to convince thousands to part with large sums of money for a club membership that reverts back to Disney in 40 years. Brilliant. Want to piss off a DVC member? Tell them they really dont own anything except a membership card, and were just stupid enough to pay for the construction of a Disney hotel and help Mickey pay for the upkeep.

Now, carry on.

Ha! So Donald was a douchebag even back in 1934? He wouldn't help the hen plant her crops? And then he accepted an invite to dinner and ate food he didn't help grow or pay for?

Is Donald a Democrat?!

Ha! Kidding! Kidding! Please, no hate mail. Really, I was just kidding! Really...please don't report me...oh, what's that? You're going to report me anyway?

Oh.

Darn.

I guess there's still Intercot.

[The Troll 67]

It's Troll Time, folks!

Troll Time!

Time for fun, offensive rants; acerbic, pointed opinions; lots of nitpicking; complaints about innocuous details; crotchety grousing about how EVERYTHING at the Fort was better in the 1980s, and crooked photos of inconsequential inanimate objects!

I guess it's a good thing I'm not charging admission for this.

Anyway, when we last left off, Mrs. Troll and I had just done some fun window shopping at the Meadows Trading Post. When we hopped back in our Kenny cart, however, we noticed our battery light come on. So we headed back to camp to juice the cart up. And it needed it:

Then we took our puppas for a long walk and gave them dinner. Once their bellies were full, they were ready for a snooze:

Elma is hard to photograph:

Once we were sure the pups were comfortable, we headed out. It was time to pay a certain southern rabbit a visit. Since the Kenny cart was out of juice, we decided to walk to the marina:

Along the way, Mrs. Troll decided to give us a duckface:

Here's a POV shot for you:

You're walking down the path to the marina! That was one great thing about the 700 loop -- it's close to the Settlement.

Close enough to walk.

When we got to the dock, though, we were dismayed to see all these people:

That's a lot of people waiting on the boat.

We realized with a line that long, we'd have to wait for at least two boats to come and go before we'd have a chance to get on our way to see Brer Rabbit. So we decided to cheat. We hopped out of the MK line, jumped into the Contemporary line, and figured we'd just ride the monorail from the Contemporary to the Kingdom.

As you can see, there's no line to go that way, even though it's the long way to our destination.

In short order, our boat arrived:

The boat got us to the Contemporary nicely:

Time for a quick rant. Am I alone in noticing that the music playing in this area of the Contemporary is, um, coming from an Orlando radio station?! If you haven't noticed, listen next time you're in this area.

Troll no like.

Troll want to escape real, boring, not pretty world by going to Disney.

As you can see, the Contemporary warrants its own topiary, even though the Fort does not:

Hmm...I wonder why that is? I wonder if that $500 a night rate has anything to do with it?

Nah.

Disney wouldn't be so 1%-ish.

Right?

So now we're riding up the escalator:

And we're getting closer:

And there's our monorail!

So we rode the monorail as planned, and everything worked out great. I don't know if we got to the Kingdom faster this way than had we just waited for the boat at the Fort, but at least we were moving instead of standing in line.

Of course, as our luck would have it, when we arrived, sure enough, there was a parade:

Stupid parade. Need a good way to clog up the walkways and dissuade people from going into the shops and restaurants?

Throw a parade!

Who's idea was it, anyway, to have parades at MK?

That guy should be fired.

Huh? What's that?

Oh, yeah -- it was Walt's idea to have the parades.

Oopsie!

Nevermind.

So our goal was to visit my close friend Mr. Brer Fox. But because of the stupid, walkway-jamming, castmember-angering parade, we couldn't get over to the Frontierland side of Main Street. So we had to walk the long way around the park.

Here we are in Tomorrowland, in front of that noisy "speedway" with its racecars that dash down a fixed track at a blistering 4mph:

Can you guess when was the last time Mr. Troll rode the racecars at the Tomorrowland Speedway?

If you guessed 1976, ding, ding, ding! Go get yourself a bowl of ice cream, because you're right! You see, I was 7 in 1976, and even then I fully understood that the speedway really, really sucks Dumbo butt. I mean, stand in line in the direct sun, going up one staircase, down another, up one, down another -- again, in the brutal sun that's somehow hotter than the sun is on the planet Mercury -- to ride aboard a crappy little car that goes slower than a bumper car.

No, thank you.

And then there's this:

Puke city!

Speaking of ice cream, we yielded to the temptation in Fantasy Land:

Coming up next, we visit a poor, hungry fox just trying to do his job in nature by controlling the rampant rabbit population!