MLK Weekend: Some Mid-Winter Fortitude!

[MetalDad 33]

Day Two continued:

Music: Grateful Dead, Loggins & Messina, Blind Faith, more Bela Fleck

Drink: Sake

Smell: Um…well…we’ll get back to you

Saturday evening approached, I had a plan…an adventure planned right out of the fingertips of the fiends found herein…on this site…ya’ know…you guys!

So as last reported, we nibbled on some white chicken chili, got ready for mid-afternoon showers and started to layout our plans for the evening. I snapped a photo of MetalWife complete with bad-hair-day babooshka, which she was none too pleased with, so of course I will take this opportunity to post it on the internet. Dear fiends…my best friend, mother of my children, my wife…

Man is she gonna be pissed! Anyway, I realized that I have taken most of the photos thus far, so I took this chance to jump on the other side of the camera. Here’s a shot of Ben and I at the site, taken by the Mrs.

And, finally the happy couple!

So, you’ve seen the kids, the adults, Maria the camper.

As you may recall, on our last trip, we were busted for having an ‘illegal’ (Fort-wise) fire pit. We were convinced that this trip, we were not going to run into issues with the rangers, and considering the temperature, we were not going to freeze our ass off…much.

So, the good old Amazon fairy delivered us from evil on Thursday, just in time to pack for our excursion. If I can be hokey enough to name my camper Maria, Ben says…”well this is Burny”.

Now, that’s freaking hokey, but I’ll be damned if we didn’t have this huge thing parked on our site…looks like an incinerator, and man did we get jealous looks and comments. I’m alright with Burny now! More on him later!

More beverages and snacks ensue, groups of two or three heading off to the showers, and in the midst of it, I capture this image.

Yes, sports fans…that is my oldest, eating a Mickey lollipop and a slice of salami simultaneously!

Now, a couple of things to clear up regarding the fiends. My attempt to participate with Bob and Doodle and company in the chat the night before revealed an unwritten law. I was supposed to go see Fiesty. I was warned not to bring my kids. I had this image in my mind’s eye of the cave from Aladdin.

I had looped a couple of times, saw the sign, the flamingos, but no sign of the one I was to meet. Later in the trip on Sunday, I actually saw her, she was engrossed in a conversation with another couple, so I kept going. I though… I could have stopped…”Hi, I’m MetalDad”…”Oh yeah? Hi, I’m callin’ the cops…get the eff off my site!”.

All in all, we went through her loop like 6 times, the family thought I lost my sense of direction or worse… I kept pointing out the sign and the flamngos. It must have been like that scene in European Vacation when Chevy Chase is stuck on the roundabout in England, and every time around says “Hey kids, there’s Big Ben, Parliament…” I didn’t take a picture, I felt creepy enough!

The other thing was, after my last trip I posted a quick trip report, and Lou scolded me for not announcing I was there. So, on Friday, I logged in, and posted in the ‘Who’s At The Fort’ thread that we were in 1446…no visitors. So Saturday, I send a PM to Lou, telling him where I was. He scolds me again, telling me that it was the playoffs, and he was gonna sit in his underwear watching NFL football for 2 days straight, it was the playoffs, was I friggin’ nuts? Nice.

So I figured I would post this photo in his honor…

Like Meatloaf sang in Rocky Horror…whatever happened to Saturday night? Well, Ben and William opted to go back out fishing, and my son opted to stay with them. So, it was me and my girls, out on an adventure! That’s where you guys come in.

I’ve been reading about Dole Whip since I decided to don the purple ‘scarlet letter’ that would keep me from ever being invited to join a respectable Disney camping group. Then, I asked one day, how and where do you get a Dole Whip, and the room went silent, and the stares pierced through me like a new guy asking a dumb question. It was weird coz it was online, which is pretty silent anyway, and the stares…well, that was cool trick, not sure how you guys did it!

I was told it was amongst other options, available at the Polynesian. Now, I’ve never been to the Polynesian, because I’ve never had a reason to go there, and, I don’t know how to get there. Then, I remembered from my fiend training manual that “you can’t get there from here”, but you can take a boat to the Contemporary, and take the Monorail to the Polynesian…for a Dole Whip. That’s the plan, simple, adventurous, benign, inexpensive…

The boat to the Contemporary, beautiful, chilly day on the water, arrival, pool…two kids in it, had to be from somewhere like Minnesota or Canada, lifeguards dressed like Olympic Snowboarders praying that those 2 blue-skinned kids can swim.

I snapped a photo of the goils before we entered…

This was our first time ever at Contemporary. Once in, we found our way to the escalators. At the top, my daughter asked “Are we at the airport?”, no silly. As if on cue, some teenagers from Ohio walk by “Damn, this looks like an airport”. I stopped, looked around…looks like an airport! We went to the gift shop, wifey bought a peace, love, Mickey Mouse antennae topper.

Then, I had that really weird guilt feeling come over me. I had indeed been here before. I once dated a girl that wore the Mickey costume. We met while Ben and I DJ’d a wedding at Grand Floridian when it was new. I met up with her in the lobby of the Contemporary, then we stopped at the theaters so she could get her CM tickets for the sneak preview of The Lion King, then over to Pleasure Island. We went to Fireworks, where I proceeded to try and keep up with the Irish Soccer team’s Guinness consumption. This was ’94 and the World Cup had some of the games in Orlando. I never saw the girl in the Mickey outfit again.

“See Daddy? It is the airport”, oh yeah, 2012, wife, kids…we’re stood on the Monorail platform. Enter the Monorail. Man, it smells like giraffes in here! We smell that smell a lot around here because the frequency and ease of Busch Gardens. Have you noticed that the monorails are starting to get a bit dated? Kinda like Tattooine in Star Wars, futuristic, but at the same time, kinda old and beat up. Actually, the whole Contemporary was like that. Walking through the Contemporary, I felt like I was in the opening credits of the Mary Tyler Moore Show...Don’t worry, we’ll derail way more than this!

We then arrive at the Polynesian, very excited, I have a thing for Hawaii ever since I saw that Elvis movie. We’re approaching Dole Whip, and the suspense is making me…wait, to the left, honey, look…Sushi. We’ll just get one plate and all will share it. Now, keep in mind, my oldest daughter was recently yelled at in Publix for eating more than one or two, three, four, free sample of Sushi, which is big, coz she doesn’t know it’s raw, or expensive. The menu has some really interesting things, so I order a few plates for all of us to share, and to surprise my wife I ordered Sake.

Normally, when I order Sake, it comes hot, served in a teak with a small cup, just a bit shorter than a shot glass. Considering we were chilled from the weather, I thought it would be a good idea. The sushi is served, we eat and make merry, chatting with our chef Rebecca, the one who’s husband is NOT a security guard, and did NOT tell us about the 1600 pig roast fiasco of 2012. And she does NOT look like this while we eat sushi…

So, our waiter finally makes it around with our Sake, and he brings us two open bottles of Sake in pots of hot water, roughly the size of two smallish bottles of wine. For those that don’t know Sake (sock-ee) is rice wine which sits at about 15% alcohol (beer is 2-9%) and the hot temperature assimilates into your blood stream a lot quicker. Needless to say, it was a buttload of rice wine, and I had to drink the lion’s share. Then, oh crap, I forgot to take a picture of the food, coz I know some of you are into food pictures, so I remembered at the last minute…

We got the bill, the freaking Sake was $22 per bottle! So over $100 later after what was supposed to be just a snack, we continued on our sojourn for Dole Whip. We were told it was downstairs, so off we go, but first…a photo!

We made it downstairs, the goal was in sight, but, the girls had to use the facilities, so I sat outside and people-watched, as the most bizarrely dressed people paraded by, I sat a giggled to myself, trying to muster up the courage to tell my wife how much our snack was, crap, I’m in trouble. Exit the girls.

So, here we are, what I’ve been looking forward to, maybe my fiend initiation…if there is one..is there? Like the scene in Lost Ark, entering the room where Indy has to place the bag on the sensor as a counterweight, I see the target…

Needless to say Pineapple is my favorite fruit, and yogurt, so this was going to rock. Even if it sucked, I was gonna like it just on principle! I poured myself a big honkin’ swirl of Dole Whip and Vanilla (coz I told the kids we were going for ice cream), and the girls had the same, except for MetalWife, she was feeling dizzy, wonder what that was about?

So there I sat, a Fort Wilderness camper, in my Fort T-shirt (underneath) on a Trip Report mission eating a Dole Whip, if I were anymore purple, I would have been Prince. Crap, I forgot the photo and I took a bite while I was on line to pay.

We better get back to the camper, so, monorail to MK (my kid’s didn’t realize where we were, so I didn’t have to talk myself down off of that one.), and boat to Fort, cart to camper. Almost Tebow Time!

I had to take the kids to the comfort station, and the sing-along was happening so we ducked in for a few moments. We were kicked out of several seats by over-protective mothers from New Jersey saving seats for their kids that were not there for some reason, perhaps a group girl-scout toilet run of some sort, but I managed to get some photos. This is Cowboy Anthony doing his thing, but you couldn’t tell, so you’ll have to believe me…

And, the vicious New Jersey mothers were able to scoot us away from their photos with Chip ‘n Dale, however, I was able to capture this. Certainly one of the worst Disney character photos ever taken…

Time to head back to the camper, but something caught the kids eyes. Times have indeed changed my fiends. I haven’t noticed, but I haven’t seen a phone booth in years, and my kids didn’t recognize a payphone. I immediately felt 178 years old, and snapped a photo of my kids with a dinosaur before they go extinct.

Back at the camper, we brought out blankets and hot chocolate, and fired up Burny for the first time.

It was Tebow Time. We’re all big Gator fans, and people of faith, and have followed Tim Tebow from the beginning of his college career. My son sees him as a hero, and I thank God that there is a sports figure that is a good, moral man that is a positive role model for my son to look up to. I can fill in the blanks for the “what not to do” bit. Tim led his team to the playoffs against all odds. We even broke our camping “No TV rule”…

Well, that didn’t take long! A few minutes in, and we realized that the most compelling story of the season was over.

We grilled some chicken drumsticks, bathed them in some killer wing sauce that I mixed up by the fire. The kids fell asleep one by one, I carried them in…one by one. I felt like Forrest Gump pulling his troop to safety on that river bank in Vietnam.

It was cold, It was late, a long, interesting day had come to close. Back in the camper, I was able to jump in the chat, tell them it was 2 degrees colder than last night, and fell asleep with phone in hand.

Around 2am, I woke up to the sound of old Steve Martin comedy routines blaring out of my phone. Somehow in my sleep, I logged on to Pandora and selected a comedy channel. I shut down, made sure the fire was out, locked up, put the emergency water by my pillow (wasn’t going through that crap again!), and got ready to fall fast asleep, but first, point the heaters at Ben. Let him dehydrate in his sleep this time. I was gonna have enough dealing with the day after Sake

[mouseketab.....Carol 1,261]

Great update!!! Wonderful evening!!!

[stefa70 205]

MD, normally I would be the one nagging you to keep this report moving steadily along (patience is not one of my virtues) but I will refrain from nagging you because this is one of the funniest reports I've read in a long time.

I'm looking forward to hearing about your "sake head". While I don't drink sake, I've awoken with many a "punch head"

The Metal family (and Ben, and Ben's mustache) are a great looking bunch!

[fladogfan aka Gretchen 259]

............. :rofl2: :rofl2:

:banana: Ben's mustache :banana:

[We4mickey 6]

This is an awesome trip report. You are one funny guy!

[doodlebug....Cherie 461]

Great update, John. I just read it right here in Florida!! Hope you get a chance to hop over to so we can meet. I promise to be around if you do!!

[DaveInTN 3,247]

Holy crap MD. You are right. Or technically, your daughter is right. The Contemporary DOES look like an airport! I always wondered what it was about that place I didn't like.

Still loving this report. Nice Dole Whip. The sushi sounds great. I'm not a sake drinker, but I'd have taken a Kirin.

Man, your report REALLY has me jonesing for a Fort trip.

[michele j 9]

Excellent TR.

I've gotta get me a Burny for camping to. Love it

[PureTcrazy...rita 380]

Loving your report John! Your wife is gorgeous, even on a bad hair day!

[ajcjmom 8]

Love the TR! Your sense of humor reminds me of my husbands! I am never quite sure what he will say next! LOL!

[Tri-Circle-D 2,059]

Hey John-

Loved the update.

But, dude, if you plan on sticking around here, you really need to work on your Dole Whip skills.

I'll give you a pass on this report, since it was your first one and all.

But, seriously, if you ever post another sorry Dole whip photo like the one you did, you might have to go on Fiend probation.

DaveInTn finally got with the Dole Whip program, so I know you will be able to as well.

Love the Rays photo for Lou.

And I'm glad to hear that y'all are Tebow fans. Too bad the hoodie and his evil empire won that game. I'll bet Lou had a great time sitting there in his underwear watching old Tom Brady do his thing.

TCD

[Live4FW 30]

But, dude, if you plan on sticking around here, you really need to work on your Dole Whip skills.

I'll give you a pass on this report, since it was your first one and all.

But, seriously, if you ever post another sorry Dole whip photo like the one you did, you might have to go on Fiend probation.

TCD

TCD, cut him some slack! He was DDWUI (Dispensing Dole Whip Under the Influence). :rofl3:

[MetalDad 33]

Great update!!! Wonderful evening!!!

Thanks, was a great evening!

MD, normally I would be the one nagging you to keep this report moving steadily along (patience is not one of my virtues) but I will refrain from nagging you because this is one of the funniest reports I've read in a long time.

I'm looking forward to hearing about your "sake head". While I don't drink sake, I've awoken with many a "punch head"

The Metal family (and Ben, and Ben's mustache) are a great looking bunch!

............. :rofl2: :rofl2:

:banana: Ben's mustache :banana:

Will be writing the sunday portion here shortly. Ben is now a fiend, goes by the handle BassMaster.

This is an awesome trip report. You are one funny guy!

Thanks, appreciate your checking it out!

Great update, John. I just read it right here in Florida!! Hope you get a chance to hop over to so we can meet. I promise to be around if you do!!

Sorry, family in from NY, had to visit!

Holy crap MD. You are right. Or technically, your daughter is right. The Contemporary DOES look like an airport! I always wondered what it was about that place I didn't like.

Still loving this report. Nice Dole Whip. The sushi sounds great. I'm not a sake drinker, but I'd have taken a Kirin.

Man, your report REALLY has me jonesing for a Fort trip.

Yes, very airport, escalators, counters, and there were people crashed in the lobby watching CNN. Thanks on the whip, you'll see below how it comes under scrutiny from those more experienced! I'm a big Kirin Ichiban fan too, and the price is right too, it's dropped since it first came out. I used to love a Japanese beer called Asahi Black. They have the lager everywhere, but the black was a brewing miracle. Last time I had some, I tried to build a nest in the bushes outside of the sushi house.

Excellent TR.

I've gotta get me a Burny for camping to. Love it

I found out where the Burny name comes from. Apparently in his old softball league, if the hit it over your head, they would say "Burny's back in town", as in you were just burned. I like it better as a fire pit!

Loving your report John! Your wife is gorgeous, even on a bad hair day!

That made her month! Thanks Rita. She's my reason!

Love the TR! Your sense of humor reminds me of my husbands! I am never quite sure what he will say next! LOL!

BTW, what did he say next? Thanks for reading along!

[MetalDad 33]

Hey John-

Loved the update.

But, dude, if you plan on sticking around here, you really need to work on your Dole Whip skills.

I'll give you a pass on this report, since it was your first one and all.

But, seriously, if you ever post another sorry Dole whip photo like the one you did, you might have to go on Fiend probation.

DaveInTn finally got with the Dole Whip program, so I know you will be able to as well.

Love the Rays photo for Lou.

And I'm glad to hear that y'all are Tebow fans. Too bad the hoodie and his evil empire won that game. I'll bet Lou had a great time sitting there in his underwear watching old Tom Brady do his thing.

TCD

Wow, slammed for my whip skills. Is the aim for height, girth, or sheer enormity. Keep in mind I could barely feel because of the temperature of my bone marrow, and my swirling skills were impeded by Uncle Ben's perverted rice juice. I tried to pay with my library card.

Rays photo was at fanfest last year, my son and I watch a lot of Rays, and we also support the Dunedin Blue Jays.

I'm hoping for a Brady thumping this weekend, while he's very good, a lot has to be said for the system they have up there, otherwise Matt Cassell would still be slicing roast beef at the deli instead of the juicy contract he got because that system made him look like Joe Montana.

TCD, cut him some slack! He was DDWUI (Dispensing Dole Whip Under the Influence). :rofl3:

Yes, be nice to me, I was organically handicapped. But I will say, those things were so good, I'd be willing to do another entire trip, just like this one, for another dole whip. Stop bullying the new kid.

[DaveInTN 3,247]

Don't worry, MD. TCD used to bully me on my Dole Whip skills, but then I pointed out that the only good Dole Whip's he has pics of were dispensed by his daughters. He's nothing but a Dole Whip blowhard.

[MetalDad 33]

Don't worry, MD. TCD used to bully me on my Dole Whip skills, but then I pointed out that the only good Dole Whip's he has pics of were dispensed by his daughters. He's nothing but a Dole Whip blowhard.

Dole Whip Wars! Hosted by Tony Little....You can do iiiitttt!!!! Bet there's a viewing audience for it!

[MetalDad 33]

Day Three:

Music: Allman Brothers, Steely Dan, Glen Campbell

Drink: Kona Pipeline, Diet Dr. Pepper, Water

Smell: Day 3 in a popup camper with 3 adults and 4 kids…scratch and sniff

Sunday, Bloody Sunday. You know that moment when you’re sleeping on the tile floor, nuzzled up to the porcelain in a public restroom, praying for God’s mercy on your soul if you can just stop vomiting. One of those doozies, where you would accept a public beheading because it would stop the throbbing…wasn’t me this Sunday morning!

I drank a ton of water, ate a third of a jar of Tums, and had the heaters pointed at the BassMaster side of the popup. I’m chubby enough and experienced enough to have beaten the devil back into his hole. And God? He showed up…signed our campsite too!

If you’ve been to the Fort on a Sunday, you’ll notice that often times, a local evangelical pilot writes a love note in the sky from God. Novel for some, I think it’s pretty freakin’ cool. What a way to wake up, look to the sky and see that?

So, the demon Sake didn’t get me as I feared may happen. Sunday morning breakfast was Ben’s turn, his famous Benski muffins. Grilled ham, egg-over-easy, piles of cheddar, on a buttered English muffin, with a healthy pour of Cholula hot sauce. Our hot sauce collection is almost as decadent as our beer collection. I have burned a hole in my abdomen with hot sauce. Remember that scene in Pirates when the skeleton Barbossa drinks a bottle and it leaks through his rib cage, right through his body? That doesn’t happen to me, but a cool visual just the same.

So Ben takes all the kids to the super-secret fishing grounds, leaving MetalWife and I to our own devices. We did what every other couple does when someone has the kids out of sight…we went looping! Out by the tent camping area, through the 2000 loop, even went through the cabin loops…not a lot of variety there though, more like license plate gawking…”Oh, look, Delaware!”

It was at this time that we ambled through the 1600 loop and saw the after-carnage of the battle of Barbie & Ken vs. Castro and the great pig roast fiasco of 1600 of 2012. I named that!

We also noticed that there was a buttload of these tents that looked like Civil War tents. I later found out that they were rentals, and they became a lot lest interesting. Also noticed the unreal amount of Cub Scouts there in the 2000 and 1500 loops. And it was some sort of rally for the Northern Pioneers, a camping group, not quite as outlaw as us, but equipped with some hella cool pioneer Mickey swag, check out the wagon on this site!

I saw two more really cool things on this looping run. First, someone had a Green Machine parked on their site. I didn’t get a photo because there were kids on the site, and I’m a bit goosey about snapping photos of kids without their folks say so, It’s the insurance man in me, always worried about the inevitable lawsuit, being creepy in a misconstrued way on Disney property. Anyway, the Green Machine. These were the ish when I was a kid. They were like a Big Wheel, but a Green Machine was like a Big Wheel driven by a ninja Fonzie with sunglasses on. Here’s what they looked like when you crapped yourself on Christmas morning.

The other cool thing, was actually, the mostest cool thing. I alluded to it in the opening…the dream camper… A 3-bunk hybrid, decked out with diamond plate. As we drove by it, I heard cool music that only I could hear, my heart flip-flopped like a young star-crossed lover glimpsing his dream girl in study hall. (Production Note: Insert ‘Donate’ button here for MetalDad’s Dream Camper fund before posting.)

She has a great backside!

I tried to take more pictures, but after like 40 minutes hanging around their camper, they got suspicious. I offered them Ben’s mustache in trade. Alas, no trade…

We finished the loops and headed over to the fishing group. Apparently, over the course of Saturday and Sunday, they caught over two dozen fish on two hot dogs and a small handful of worms. Ben would use the small brim that the kids caught as bait for the big mother bass that he coaxes from the Fort canals and Bay Lake.

Like a car wreck, I couldn’t NOT look, had to get another shot of the cabin.

Next, back to the camper, for lunch, and a little afternoon Burny. We sent the kids into the woods for all manner of twigs, sticks, and burnable matter. Had a great ‘day fire’ going, some very cool music, ran to the truck in overflow for more firewood, and broke out some mid-day smores. Oldest daughter got a smore kit from Santa. I had to post this photo of the Magic Mustache munching a smore…

He washed it down with a Kona Pipeline, a dark Hawaiian beer made with coffee. Forgot to snap a photo.

Next up…adventures with Annie! (she’s the 5yo….Heck yeah, some father/daughter time!)

[michele j 9]

I thought it was called Burny because you burn wood it in :rofl3:

Michele

[PureTcrazy...rita 380]

Thanks for the update! I love the green machine!

[wak648...Bill 94]

Metal Mom looks less than impressed. Also love the 70's pictures of kitties star mustache!

[mouseketab.....Carol 1,261]

I had a GREEN MACHINE as a kid!!! That thing was COOL!!!!

[stefa70 205]

Whoa, sitting at the Fort with coffee and find an update to this report!! :jumpforjoy My husband doesn't do the boards, I just give him updates on a "need to know" basis. He also becomes the punch handler when there are a lot of fiends around, and I'm too drunk to play proper hostess. I have read this entire trip report to him, and he has laughed his ass off. (Well, he obviously did NOT laugh it off, as "it" woke me up in the middle of the night with beer farts) Imagine that for a second, we have a hybrid, so it also becomes a canvas clad Sahara. I won't even begin to try to describe the smell I experienced.

That's great news that Ben joined the boards, and Bassmaster seems like an appropriate screen name. What is his mustache going by? :rofl2:

[mouseketab.....Carol 1,261]

(Well, he obviously did NOT laugh it off, as "it" woke me up in the middle of the night with beer farts) Imagine that for a second, we have a hybrid, so it also becomes a canvas clad Sahara. I won't even begin to try to describe the smell I experienced.

Febreeze becomes your best friend in a small camper!!!!! :bugeyes:

[MetalDad 33]

Metal Mom looks less than impressed. Also love the 70's pictures of kitties star mustache!

A-ha! There is a weird quirk on this forum, sometimes, when you type "pictures of", it automatically adds "kitties", I had to go back and edit a post of few days ago, thinking "why did I type that?" I have no cats, but now I see it happens to others occasionally, Snarky tosses it in like a grenade. Too weird.

[mouseketab.....Carol 1,261]

A-ha! There is a weird quirk on this forum, sometimes, when you type "pictures of", it automatically adds "kitties", I had to go back and edit a post of few days ago, thinking "why did I type that?" I have no cats, but now I see it happens to others occasionally, Snarky tosses it in like a grenade. Too weird.

That is one of the few filters on this site. Some of us read at work, and Big Brother is watching at work, and some threads are being blocked when certain words show up in the threads, and if enough of those words show up in the threads, there is danger of the entire site being blocked by some servers. SO, that is the explanation.