Troll's Book of Grades 2015

[The Troll 67]

Most Fiends know me. For those of you who are new, I'm Norm, the Troll.

 

I call my wife Mrs. Troll.

 

Why am I called "The Troll"? Well, you're about to find out.

 

One thing I've done a few times in trip reports is rate Disney attractions. I call it "Troll's Book of Grades." Mrs. Troll and I just returned from a one week trip to the World to celebrate our anniversary and my birthday. It afforded us a few opportunities to experience a few attractions that are new or new to us, and so now I proudly present to you the 2015 edition of Troll's Book of Grades.

 

 

Warning: Some people like to read my reviews. Many others do not. If you do not like the prospect of one or more of your favorite Disney attractions, characters, resorts, or dining locations being excoriated, turn back now.

 

We start the show with a modification to a beloved, legacy resort, the Polynesian's new lobby.

 

New Polynesian Lobby

Sucks. Some of the frequent flyer Fiends here have actually had kind things to say about this change. If you haven't heard, Disney management removed the iconic fountain -- you know, the one built in 1970 and had stood in its place for decades -- to create...a floor. Yes, you read it right -- a floor. Somehow some Fiends here sort of like it, calling the space "open." Well you know what? So is a parking lot.

 

I do have to say the new plush seating spaces are nice, though. Reminiscent of the seating areas at Wilderness Lodge.

 

But otherwise? Sucks.

 

Troll Grade: D

 

Trade Sam's

What do you get when you cross Whispering Canyon with a Rainforest Cafe? Yeah, you got it -- Trader Sam's. Wow. I can't say enough about this place. Enough bad, that is. If you're unfamiliar with this boondoggle, it's a really, really annoying, stupid bar that serves ridiculously overpriced drinks with stupid names. And the ridiculously overpriced drinks are mostly ice.

 

But that's not the worst of it. No. The worst is the "cast" of this place. They're a bunch of rejects from the set of "The Bing Bang Theory," a bunch of dorky college dudes and goober college girls that wanted to be extras on that show but were told they were too nerdy for it. Ugh. And it goes like this -- whenever an unsuspecting customer orders one of those ripoff drinks, a bunch of loud, cheesy, not-so-special effects happen and the "cast" starts doing a bunch of not funny yelling and "acting." Like if you order one such drink, all the light turns blue and the dorky waitresses hold their noses and start screaming in shrill voices, "We're diving! We're diving!" Or if you order this other drink, the lights turn red and a video of a volcano starts erupting and the dorky waitresses start screaming, "People, it's lava, people! Lava!"

 

I am not making this up. And I am not embellishing it, either.

 

And to make matters much worse, it only seats 50 people, so they've created an artificial sense of exclusivity. And people take the bait -- often waiting 2, 3, or even 5 hours to be seated! It's a shakedown. A hustle. A con. A carny's con. $22 for two effing drinks. And mine was mostly ice. And Mrs. Troll got a beer. For $22.

 

Do not go. I just described what it is perfectly and completely. You do NOT need to see it for yourself. Trust me.

 

Troll Grade: F

 

'Ohana

There's something about badness. Somehow when you take something iconic and make it bad, it becomes extra bad. For example, the movie "The Phantom Menace" all by itself is a completely awful, embarrassing movie. But then stamp the "Star Wars" logo on it and it instantly descends to "Worst Movie Ever Made" status.

 

And so it is with 'Ohana.

 

'Ohana was once the glorious, fantastic anchor restaurant in the iconic Polynesian Resort. Featuring a gamut of succulent meats cooked on spits over an open fire and served to you at your table directly from the spit, 'Ohana was a dining destination that fast became the stuff of legend and often requiring a reservation made 8 or even 12 months in advance.

 

Well, no more.

 

When I first started eating at 'Ohana, they served two different types of steak, pork, turkey, sausage, and butterflied shrimp along with a lazy susan chock full of all sorts of exotic Asian side dishes. And the meal was kicked off with fresh bread and butter and a huge bowl of fresh salad tossed in a citrus lime dressing.

 

Sounds great, doesn't it? Well too bad! Because it's gone!

 

Now they bring you a stale loaf of bread that's been sitting under a light for hours and no butter. The salad is a bunch of crap with tortilla strips with almost no dressing at all. Dry as dry can be. It was like eating lawn clippings. Then they bring you a plate of spaghetti doused in soy sauce. And the meats? Steak, chicken, and shrimp. That's it. Pork? What's that?

 

And to make matters worse, the steak was tough, dry, and cold...cold for reasons explained below. The chicken? I'm not even sure we were eating chicken. It was a rubbery, slimy, chewing nastiness that could have easily been seagull. Clearly it's "cooked" first in an oven or in a microwave and then waved over the open fire to char the exterior. Nasty.

 

The shrimp was acceptable but nothing to write home about.

 

And the service? Awful. In the "real" 'Ohana, you had a waiter or waitress who took your order and made sure things were delivered to you correctly. But then there were runners to deliver the dishes and a runner who would bring the meat on spits. Now? The waitress has to do it all herself. Which explains why the meat was cold -- because she was overwhelmed.

 

I hate to report this, but 'Ohana of legend is now a thing of the past. Gone. No more. The thing that inhabits the space that was once housed 'Ohana is not 'Ohana. I don't care what's printed on the menu. 'Ohana is dead.

 

Troll Grade: F

 

Liberty Tree Tavern

By now you might be thinking, "Damn, Troll, you're really hard to please!"

 

And you know what?

You're damned right.

 

I am hard to please, especially when I pay $49.99 per person, minus tip, for food.

 

Fortunately, though, Mrs. Troll and I did have one outstanding experience -- The Liberty Tree Tavern.

 

Damn this place is good! It's in many ways what 'Ohana used to be. Fresh bread with butter. Fresh salad swimming in dressing. Three types of meats. Fresh mashed potatoes. Homemade quality turkey dressing. Turkey gravy with lumpy goodness. All in the heart of The Magic Kingdom.

 

And our waiter Mo was, perhaps, the best waiter in all of Walt Disney World. He kicked ass. And we tipped him accordingly.

 

If you haven't discovered Liberty Tree Tavern, take my advice -- get on the phone right now, cancel your 'Ohana reservation, and change it to Liberty Tree.

 

Troll Grade: A+

[LONE-STAR 370]

First to post now I will go read

[LONE-STAR 370]

Well I thought this was a trip report. No wonder I was able to post first. But I would say you were right about all of it and I haven't even been to the Poly since the remodel. Oh and Liberty Tree has always been good the pot roast and the burger are awesome.

[Travisma 1,317]

Troll, you need to tell us how you really feel. Seems like you are holding back on your opinions!

[CCIntrigue...aka Gwen 547]

Troll, I agree with you about Liberty Tree Taven.  Just had lunch there again last week, and it was A+!

[TN22.....Brady 22]

110% agree on the Ohana review. Years ago it was my favorite. Our trip in March of this year was just downright disappointing. Our food was exactly as you described, our service was TERRIBLE. Will make no effort to return.

[GaDawgFan.....Kelly 799]

We also had terrible service at `Ohana on our last trip. Very sad. 

[Tri-Circle-D 2,059]

You are entitled to you opinions, Troll, but I strongly disagree with you about the Polynesian lobby and 'Ohana.

 

The old Polynesian lobby was inefficient and was a waste of space.  The new lobby and pool have brought this hotel into the 21st century.  I didn't expect to like the changes, but I do.

 

We ate at 'Ohana on Sunday night, May 3.  Our service was excellent, and the food was better than the last time we ate there.  Our server was a young lady, and she did a great job. I do agree on one small point- it's not cool that they don't serve butter with the bread.  Otherwise, our meal was great.

 

I have yet to get in Trader Sam's, but I don't find your review hard to believe.

 

TCD

[Travisma 1,317]

Just realized I cant really say much about the Trolls rants because we haven't done any of these things.

 

Well we've been to the Polly, but last time we were there the construction walls were still up.

 

Hope you just had a glitch at Ohana and it's not in a downward spiral.

[rm0530 5]

I will agree about the downward spiral at Ohana. We dined there at the end of March and had a similar experience. Cold bread, cold meat, and slow wait service. Not worth the high cost. I hate the dining plan.

[The Troll 67]

Well I thought this was a trip report. No wonder I was able to post first. But I would say you were right about all of it and I haven't even been to the Poly since the remodel. Oh and Liberty Tree has always been good the pot roast and the burger are awesome.

 

One thing I didn't mention about Liberty Tree is that it's a la carte at lunch. The all-you-can-eat-meat goodness only occurs at dinner.

 

Troll, you need to tell us how you really feel. Seems like you are holding back on your opinions!

 

You know how I roll.

 

Troll, I agree with you about Liberty Tree Taven.  Just had lunch there again last week, and it was A+!

 

It's a really great place. Wasn't crazy about the "Hear ye, hear ye" nonsense at seating, but once we got to our table, it was off-the-charts good.

 

110% agree on the Ohana review. Years ago it was my favorite. Our trip in March of this year was just downright disappointing. Our food was exactly as you described, our service was TERRIBLE. Will make no effort to return.

 

Yep. We're done with 'Ohana. Perhaps if many more people do the same, things will change. But I doubt it. The location and reputation of the place is enough to draw the Tourist Horde.

 

We also had terrible service at `Ohana on our last trip. Very sad. 

 

I see a pattern developing...

 

You are entitled to you opinions, Troll, but I strongly disagree with you about the Polynesian lobby and 'Ohana.

 

The old Polynesian lobby was inefficient and was a waste of space.  The new lobby and pool have brought this hotel into the 21st century.  I didn't expect to like the changes, but I do.

 

We ate at 'Ohana on Sunday night, May 3.  Our service was excellent, and the food was better than the last time we ate there.  Our server was a young lady, and she did a great job. I do agree on one small point- it's not cool that they don't serve butter with the bread.  Otherwise, our meal was great.

 

I have yet to get in Trader Sam's, but I don't find your review hard to believe.

 

TCD

 

I know who you are, pod person. What have you done to my friend, the real TCD?!

 

It's worthy of an interesting discussion on the concept of waste of space. I'm not sure I'm with you on this one. While I see real estate in a park like MK being extremely valuable, I'm not sure I see how removing an iconic fountain, a signature focal point, improves a hotel lobby's efficiency. Before I needed 132 steps to get from one door to the other...now I need only 101? How does that improve profitability? Perhaps there's something to be gained from the "sit awhile" openness and abundant seating a la Wilderness Lodge and Grand Floridian? Does encouraging people to sit and relax somehow increase their likelihood of buying something? Or perhaps the "sit awhile" openness improves the hotel's image as a top dollar resort, one not to be outdone by GF and WL? I'm not sure. I'd enjoy reading your opinions (and others') on the business motivations for the lobby renovation.

 

Cuz let's face it -- it all comes down to making a buck.

 

 

 

 

Just realized I cant really say much about the Trolls rants because we haven't done any of these things.

 

Well we've been to the Polly, but last time we were there the construction walls were still up.

 

Hope you just had a glitch at Ohana and it's not in a downward spiral.

 

The spiral is complete. The airplane has crashed and burned. All that's left is scorched earth. Change all dinner reservations immediately.

 

I will agree about the downward spiral at Ohana. We dined there at the end of March and had a similar experience. Cold bread, cold meat, and slow wait service. Not worth the high cost. I hate the dining plan.

 

It's a sad, sad day.

[Tri-Circle-D 2,059]

It's worthy of an interesting discussion on the concept of waste of space. I'm not sure I'm with you on this one. While I see real estate in a park like MK being extremely valuable, I'm not sure I see how removing an iconic fountain, a signature focal point, improves a hotel lobby's efficiency. Before I needed 132 steps to get from one door to the other...now I need only 101? How does that improve profitability? Perhaps there's something to be gained from the "sit awhile" openness and abundant seating a la Wilderness Lodge and Grand Floridian? Does encouraging people to sit and relax somehow increase their likelihood of buying something? Or perhaps the "sit awhile" openness improves the hotel's image as a top dollar resort, one not to be outdone by GF and WL? I'm not sure. I'd enjoy reading your opinions (and others') on the business motivations for the lobby renovation.

 

You make a good point- everything Disney does lately is about money.  I have to figure that gigantic fake waterfall was expensive to maintain and they figured it was cheaper in the long run to rip it out.  That's the only financial reason I can think of them making the change- I don't see how the new lobby would increase revenue.

 

TCD

[The Troll 67]

Continuing the Troll's Book of Grades...

 

Fireworks Herding Viewing Area

WTF? Seriously, WTF? Moderators, may I please use the full eff word for this post to drive home my emphasis?

 

This is just downright bizarre. Disney has long been criticized for its resemblance of a fascist police state, what with its stanchioned queues, its militant college girls with oversized Mickey hands and flashlight wands directing foot traffic, and its constant "No flash pictures please...when the car stops, please step out to the right" broadcasts...but now evidently they've fully embraced it.

 

They have turned a casual, organic event like "Stop wherever you are in the park and direct your attention to Elsa's castle for a wonderful fireworks show" into "Guys, get in line! Get in line! How many, please? Five? OK, row 17!" They've turned it into this:

 

 

Look at those herded throngs of pod people, all mindlessly staring straight ahead! It's a fireworks mob! And it bleeds all the way down Main Street, all the way to the train station, meaning you cannot exit the normal, proper way that Walt designed because you cannot walk through the herd! The militant college girls with oversized Mickey hands will net you if you attempt!

 

This is so bizarre. Rows and rows of people herded neatly in evil lines...it really creeped me out! I had to get out of that place! Fortunately the Mickey Hand Girls reluctantly allowed us to escape, but to do so we had to exit via a very poorly "dressed up" backstage area, the area where Tinkerbell crash lands. I mean, it's really, really bad show. It's like, hey look at those rusty pipes over there! Why are we walking this way? We don't work here! This is for the employees, not guests paying to be deceived into believing that the drab real world of rusty pipes doesn't exist!

 

How is it that there hasn't been more outrage posted here on FF about this? Or perhaps there has and I missed it? (Which isn't hard to do on this site, considering there are 17,138 subforums).

 

I do not want to be herded to watch fireworks. I especially do not want to be conned into believing that a Fast Pass can be issued to watch said fireworks.

 

Troll Grade: F

[lightbikes 73]

I quibble with only one thing:

 

New Polynesian Lobby

Troll Grade: D

 

You are far too generous to that abomination.  The lobby is horrible!    

 

Lightbikes grade - F-

[Seals 111]

I have no opinions on your opinions since sadly I haven't experienced any of them personally, but I already give the TBOG   :top-points-smiley: just for the use of the word excoriated.  I also enjoyed your reference to the  "The Bing Bang Theory".  And, although I'd never had a strong desire when reading about it before, now I really really want to go to Trader Sam's.

 

Please continue when you are ready.

[ependydad...Doug 176]

I'm another in the 'Ohana agreement camp. We went there in February and were almost embarrassed with our first-timer friends after raving about how great it was. Terrible service and meh food but still $$$ price.

 

We've dropped it from our "must go" list of restaurants.

[Travisma 1,317]

Did you go to Whispering Canyon Café, and if so what grade did it get?

[TN22.....Brady 22]

I have said in the past that I would drive to Disney, eat at Ohana, and drive home ( its 12 hours one way). I have told numerous people how great it was.... Now, I would not walk across the street for it.

[CCIntrigue...aka Gwen 547]

Did you go to Whispering Canyon Café, and if so what grade did it get?

 

I don't know if Troll has visited there, but we had dinner there 2 years ago and I'd give it a solid B.  Maybe a B+.  I hate fish, but the parmesan-crusted fish was excellent.  The entire meal was really good.  All 8 of us enjoyed it.  For the price it was great, but next time I'd have dinner at TE which is even better for the cost.

[PGHFiend 140]

I agree with the poly lobby- must have been an incredible expense to remove all of the awesomeness for mediocrity. On your Ohana point, ate at ohana in January for a work dinner, my first time- waiter rushed us through the meal , as in 25 to 35 minutes in and out. Food was good and plentiful but did not deliver the hype I had read mainly due to the waiter tearing through the meal to get to his tip, in a way that said, "there are 100 other people waiting to drop 45 a head behind you". Took wife in March for our Fort trip (because she was jealous) food was better and service excellent. Had table on glass facing MK best seats in the house. I asked the waiter about being rushed my first time through and he said to me, and I quote "did you sit over in that section (points over toward kitchen entrance) yeah they are known for that there, all about the tips"

[keith_h 420]

I agree with the poly lobby- must have been an incredible expense to remove all of the awesomeness for mediocrity. On your Ohana point, ate at ohana in January for a work dinner, my first time- waiter rushed us through the meal , as in 25 to 35 minutes in and out. Food was good and plentiful but did not deliver the hype I had read mainly due to the waiter tearing through the meal to get to his tip, in a way that said, "there are 100 other people waiting to drop 45 a head behind you". Took wife in March for our Fort trip (because she was jealous) food was better and service excellent. Had table on glass facing MK best seats in the house. I asked the waiter about being rushed my first time through and he said to me, and I quote "did you sit over in that section (points over toward kitchen entrance) yeah they are known for that there, all about the tips"

 

I won't be rushed when dining out. A casual dinner typically takes us an hour and if we are doing something up scale like Artist Point it is an hour and a half or longer before we will be finished.

[Travisma 1,317]

I won't be rushed when dining out. A casual dinner typically takes us an hour and if we are doing something up scale like Artist Point it is an hour and a half or longer before we will be finished.

We were at BOG for lunch and pretty much finished up, just our drinks still on the table.

I walked my granddaughter out to the ladies room and she popped right back out saying "I'll be a while there's a long line".

While waiting I see a server talking to my wife still at the table.

When we got back she said it was time to go. The server came over asking if she needed anything else, had she been waited,on etc.

And it wasn't like they were churning the tables for others coming in. They had already closed the gate and doors and were getting ready for dinner.

[The Troll 67]

You make a good point- everything Disney does lately is about money.  I have to figure that gigantic fake waterfall was expensive to maintain and they figured it was cheaper in the long run to rip it out.  That's the only financial reason I can think of them making the change- I don't see how the new lobby would increase revenue.

 

TCD

 

That's a fair point. I can see how management saw the fountain as NOT profitable, so it had to go...which, I suppose, makes sense. Anything that costs more money than it generates should be removed.

 

I remember something I was told by a very intelligent, very well-informed bus driver: That Disney operates its resorts effectively as separate entities. That is, they largely compete against each other for customers, thereby forcing them to stay on top of things to remain competitive. Perhaps WL and GF were drawing a lot of the casual guests like you and me who like to go to those grand lobbies for a coffee, a good place to read, and maybe a game of Scrabble. Maybe the Poly management looked at their lobby as being, like you said, without any space and noisy from the waterfall. I can see it.

 

I quibble with only one thing:

 

New Polynesian Lobby

Troll Grade: D

 

You are far too generous to that abomination.  The lobby is horrible!    

 

Lightbikes grade - F-

 

One thing I definitely do not like is the fact that you can clearly see where the old stones in the floor do not match the new. That, to me, looks very cheap. To me, it's like replacing a tile in your living room with one that doesn't quite match.

 

strong desire when reading about it before, now I really really want to go to Trader Sam's.

 

Um...what?

 

I'm another in the 'Ohana agreement camp. We went there in February and were almost embarrassed with our first-timer friends after raving about how great it was. Terrible service and meh food but still $$$ price.

 

We've dropped it from our "must go" list of restaurants.

 

Us, too. Unless we hear news of a major return to the old, Mrs. Troll and I will not be back. 'Ohana now joins Boma in the "Overpriced and Overhyped" category.

 

Boma = hummus, pumpkin soup, and a tiny sliver of prime rib, most of which is fat. For $50 per person. No thank you.

 

Did you go to Whispering Canyon Café, and if so what grade did it get?

 

We did not go this trip but we've been within the past 6 months. Whispering Canyon is one of my favorites. It gets an A-. It would rate higher, but the service can be spotty at times.

 

Now you might be wondering, "Troll, you just gave Trader Sam's an F grade for all that yelling...but then you give Whispering Canyon an A-? What gives?"

 

Simple -- Whispering Canyon is not in a room the size of a hotel suite like Trader Sam's. You can actually converse with the person across the table at Whispering Canyon, unlike Trader Sam's.

 

I have said in the past that I would drive to Disney, eat at Ohana, and drive home ( its 12 hours one way). I have told numerous people how great it was.... Now, I would not walk across the street for it.

 

Bam. Me, too.

 

I agree with the poly lobby- must have been an incredible expense to remove all of the awesomeness for mediocrity. On your Ohana point, ate at ohana in January for a work dinner, my first time- waiter rushed us through the meal , as in 25 to 35 minutes in and out. Food was good and plentiful but did not deliver the hype I had read mainly due to the waiter tearing through the meal to get to his tip, in a way that said, "there are 100 other people waiting to drop 45 a head behind you". Took wife in March for our Fort trip (because she was jealous) food was better and service excellent. Had table on glass facing MK best seats in the house. I asked the waiter about being rushed my first time through and he said to me, and I quote "did you sit over in that section (points over toward kitchen entrance) yeah they are known for that there, all about the tips"

 

In fairness, in the restaurant business, there is an emphasis on turning tables. But it sounds like your servers were taking that too far.

 

I won't be rushed when dining out. A casual dinner typically takes us an hour and if we are doing something up scale like Artist Point it is an hour and a half or longer before we will be finished.

 

Agree. We always like to take our time. Nothing irks me more than a server who brings out the next course before you're done with the current one. I reduce tip size when that occurs.

 

We were at BOG for lunch and pretty much finished up, just our drinks still on the table.

I walked my granddaughter out to the ladies room and she popped right back out saying "I'll be a while there's a long line".

While waiting I see a server talking to my wife still at the table.

When we got back she said it was time to go. The server came over asking if she needed anything else, had she been waited,on etc.

And it wasn't like they were churning the tables for others coming in. They had already closed the gate and doors and were getting ready for dinner.

 

Sounds like a server in a hurry to get off shift.

[shoreline99 137]

Respectfully, Troll, I must disagree with your Trader Sam's review. We thoroughly enjoyed it and, while yes it was loud and overpriced, would go back again. Paint me with whatever brush you like, I think it's a nice addition to the Poly.

 

On the flip side, I completely agree with your 'Ohana grade and review. We ate there in February - the food was meh and the service was rushed.

 

I also agree with your comments about the lobby - especially the tile - it looks like someone patched a hole in the floor with something that they couldn't quite match. Seems really open with a lot of wasted space.

[The Troll 67]

Respectfully, Troll, I must disagree with your Trader Sam's review. We thoroughly enjoyed it and, while yes it was loud and overpriced, would go back again. Paint me with whatever brush you like, I think it's a nice addition to the Poly.

 

 

I'm not sure how anyone could like that place. Nerds yelling. Ridiculously overpriced drinks. Ridiculously overpriced drinks that don't taste good. No where to sit. Extremely loud, obnoxious "special" effects. Drinks that take 20 minutes to arrive because it takes the bartender that long to decorate them. Tourists taking flash pictures of the junk on the walls and then getting yelled at by the nerds for taking flash pictures...

 

But, hey, to each their own, I suppose.

 

OK, now the latest item up for excoriation:

 

Ventanas Restaurant at Coronado Springs

You know...something about me...I'm not easily taken in by things. When I was at boot camp in the military, a buddy told me about these crazy experiences he had with a Ouija board. He told me that ghosts descended on his house, that cabinets started opening and slamming shut on their own, that the board started sending terrifying messages, yadda, yadda, yadda. So what did I do when I got out of boot camp? I bought a Ouija board. And you know what happened?

 

Nothing.

 

It's like Trader Sam's. Everyone was like, "Oh, you gotta go to Trader Sam's! You gotta go to Trader Sam's! You'll love it! You just can't describe it! You just have to experience it for yourself!" So I went...and you know what? It sucked. I couldn't and can't still understand the attraction. What's the big deal?

 

Massage. People looooooove massages and swear by it. It's "healing therapy," they say. Got a stiff neck? Get a massage, they say, and they'll work that kink out. Me? I go to a massage "therapist" with a stiff neck and come out with a stiff neck covered in massage oil (and a thinner wallet).

 

And so it goes with this:

 

 

This is the blackened mahi mahi at the Ventanas restaurant at Coronado Springs. OK, say what you will, but any time I go to a restaurant and they bring me my food in this fashion, I want to just get up and leave.

 

It's a fraud. A hoax. A con. A ripoff.

 

Any time a chef takes the main dish -- fish, steak, pork shank, or whatever -- and lays it on top of crap and then puts crap on top of it, it sucks. It tastes like crap. The chef is just trying to con you into thinking what he's giving you is good by this "fancy" presentation. It's all about looks and no substance.

 

I mean, think about it -- who the hell came up with this? It's like anything else -- any trend or fad is always started by one guy, if you trace it back far enough. So at some point, years ago, there was a chef in some kitchen who thought, "Heeeeey, I have an idea! Let's take all the food we would normally place around the plate and stack it into one neat pile!"

 

How does that make the food taste any better? It doesn't! It tastes worse! And then all the suckers in the world rant and rave about it because they're too afraid to admit that they don't know what they're talking about and be called unsophisticated.

 

And see that orange stuff on top? It's a carved up, raw carrot! Yes, you read that right -- a carrot. In other words, the chef was like, "Damn, this looks boring. It needs some color...let's see...what do we have here just laying around? A blue sponge? No. A lemon? No. Aha! Carrot shavings from out of the garbage!"

 

Bottom line: The food sucked. The blackened mahi mahi, despite being blackened, had zero flavor. And there was some rice crap under it. And carved up carrot peelings on top. And it was cold.

 

And the service was like this: Girl brings you your drinks...then you sit there at a blank table for 20 minutes, waiting for your salad, which, by the way, costs $12 -- for lettuce. So then you eat your $12 dollar lettuce and then wait at a blank table for 30 minutes, waiting for your crappy entree.

 

But, hey, the place looks fancy. It has creative light fixtures. That's something, right?

 

I despise these restaurants.

 

Troll Grade: F