The Trolls Return to the Fort

[shoreline99 137]

I went to a party once years ago in New Orleans at one of the warehouses where they store the Mardi Gras floats. It was actually pretty cool and did not SMB. Of course, that could be the alcohol-infused memories talking.

[Thrill Shakespeare (Andy) 58]

 

So, now, perhaps I should rehash. We had to endure an hour and a half torture session on the Disney buses to get here. We were starving, as we hadn't eaten any breakfast or lunch to save space (and calories) in our bellies for some delectable, fluffy, doughy beignets...and guess what?

 

Yeah, you guessed it.

 

The beignets sucked.

 

Tough. Chewy. Rubbery. Overcooked.

 

Fail.

 

To eat one, I had to pick it up, sink my back molars into it like a set of pliers, and then twist and turn it until a piece tore off.

 

Let me just put it simply, folks: Not recommended. The Troll gives the Port Orleans beignets a C-.

 

I mean, they weren't terrible. They were, after all, edible, and we were starving. But I wouldn't go out of my way to get them, folks. Don't waste your time or money.

 

Anyway, oh well. 

 

Coming up next, the rain rolls in and Mrs. Troll and I hit Mr. Crockett's Magical Porch for the first time of this trip.

 

Not a fan of the Floatworks either.  We stayed at Port Orleans - Riverside for our 10th anniversary a few years back.  We had Tables in Wonderland which gave us a discount at the Floatworks because French Quarter does not have a table service restaurant.  DramaMama and I thought we would eat a few meals over there, enjoy the discount, and enjoy the beignets.

 

Not so much.

 

One meal was all it took.  My burger was okay - it was one of those Frankenstein fried shrimp, hamburger, and whatever else was in the kitchen combination things.  The beignets were okay, certainly not up to New Orleans standards but edible.  A C- grade sounds about right.

 

As far as the buses, I like them for direct resort-to-park or park-to-resort trips.  Going resort to resort?  No way.  DramaMama and I had quite the adventure when we tried to go over to Boardwalk late to buy some pastries as a surprise birthday treat for my dad.  I didn't think we were ever going to make it back to the Fort.  I pondered sleeping out on the Boardwalk and giving the place a little "local color".

[alexwyattmommy 181]

Guess I can cross them off my to do list for November

[jjbescher 17]

The beignets at Disneyland were very good.  Stinks that the ones at Port Orleans are that bad.  It sounds like the whole restaurant is not up to par.

[jjbescher 17]

The beignets at Disneyland were very good.  Stinks that the ones at Port Orleans are that bad.  It sounds like the whole restaurant is not up to par.

[Katman1356...Jason 1,140]

I agree on the ones at DL being good. Sil was also extremely disappointed in the beignets at POFQ. She had already been to NOLO and had them at Cafe Du Monde. I was a rookie so I was less disappointed in them. 

[Thrill Shakespeare (Andy) 58]

Don't get me wrong, though.  If you deep-fry dough and cover it with powdered sugar I will probably eat it anyway.

[jjbescher 17]

Don't get me wrong, though.  If you deep-fry dough and cover it with powdered sugar I will probably eat it anyway.

 

Andy, I am with you.  However, the ones at Disneyland were fluffy, not overcooked.  I think that line was the longest I waited for anything when I was there.

[h2odivers...Ray 952]

Sorry the beignets SMB and you had a bad bus experience. We like the buses that's one reason we like staying on property. We go see yee haw bob, piano bob to some, almost every trip and always take the bus to DTD, grab a beer for the boat ride to POR. Easy as pie and no drinking and driving.

[GaDawgFan.....Kelly 799]

That is the only time a bus is acceptable, when you plan to drink.

[DaveInTN 3,247]

That is the only time a bus is acceptable, when you plan to drink.

 

So buses are always acceptable? 

[h2odivers...Ray 952]

Yes, yes they are.

Buses are the best designated drivers at Disney.

[Thrill Shakespeare (Andy) 58]

Sorry the beignets SMB and you had a bad bus experience. We like the buses that's one reason we like staying on property. We go see yee haw bob, piano bob to some, almost every trip and always take the bus to DTD, grab a beer for the boat ride to POR. Easy as pie and no drinking and driving.

 

I do enjoy the boat ride from DTD to POR.  It's an attraction in itself.

[alexwyattmommy 181]

How do the French Donuts compare to say elephant ears or funnel cake?  No tickets so I can't go to Epcot for real funnel cake.

[Jennifer41 19]

So buses are always acceptable? 

 

This made me :laugh:.  

 

Also- hey, Troll... What's up?  I'll play. 

[The Troll 67]

Well that was the biggest let down ever. I've been in beignet suspense all day and come to did out they suck. I'm disappointed for you.

And I'm predicting hairy troll leg sighting in the next update.

 

I'm sorry...I know that was a big buildup for a letdown. Unfortunately, in real life not every story finishes with a happy ending!

 

I went to a party once years ago in New Orleans at one of the warehouses where they store the Mardi Gras floats. It was actually pretty cool and did not SMB. Of course, that could be the alcohol-infused memories talking.

 

Alcohol makes everything and everyone interesting and fun. In France once I had the greatest conversation about the weather there. It was a very stimulating conversation...after 13 beers.

 

Not a fan of the Floatworks either.  We stayed at Port Orleans - Riverside for our 10th anniversary a few years back.  We had Tables in Wonderland which gave us a discount at the Floatworks because French Quarter does not have a table service restaurant.  DramaMama and I thought we would eat a few meals over there, enjoy the discount, and enjoy the beignets.

 

Not so much.

 

One meal was all it took.  My burger was okay - it was one of those Frankenstein fried shrimp, hamburger, and whatever else was in the kitchen combination things.  The beignets were okay, certainly not up to New Orleans standards but edible.  A C- grade sounds about right.

 

As far as the buses, I like them for direct resort-to-park or park-to-resort trips.  Going resort to resort?  No way.  DramaMama and I had quite the adventure when we tried to go over to Boardwalk late to buy some pastries as a surprise birthday treat for my dad.  I didn't think we were ever going to make it back to the Fort.  I pondered sleeping out on the Boardwalk and giving the place a little "local color".

 

Exactly. That's exactly how we felt the other day trying to get back from PO to the Fort. It would have been faster just to walk. Seriously.

 

Guess I can cross them off my to do list for November

 

Yeah, I wouldn't waste my time. Much better ways to spend the calories!

 

The beignets at Disneyland were very good.  Stinks that the ones at Port Orleans are that bad.  It sounds like the whole restaurant is not up to par.

 

In fairness, we didn't try the restaurant, just the beignets. But from everyone else's reviews, it sounds like there are many better places to eat at DW.

 

I agree on the ones at DL being good. Sil was also extremely disappointed in the beignets at POFQ. She had already been to NOLO and had them at Cafe Du Monde. I was a rookie so I was less disappointed in them. 

 

In fairness, it's almost impossible to measure up to the beignets at Cafe Du Monde.

[The Troll 67]

Don't get me wrong, though.  If you deep-fry dough and cover it with powdered sugar I will probably eat it anyway.

 

True that. That's exactly what we did. The beignets were overcooked and chewy, but we chewed them up and swallowed them anyway.

 

Andy, I am with you.  However, the ones at Disneyland were fluffy, not overcooked.  I think that line was the longest I waited for anything when I was there.

 

A good beignet is definitely worth waiting for.

 

Sorry the beignets SMB and you had a bad bus experience. We like the buses that's one reason we like staying on property. We go see yee haw bob, piano bob to some, almost every trip and always take the bus to DTD, grab a beer for the boat ride to POR. Easy as pie and no drinking and driving.

 

Good plan. We want to see the Yee Haw Bob sometime during this trip. We've never seen him.

 

That is the only time a bus is acceptable, when you plan to drink.

 

Agree.

 

I do enjoy the boat ride from DTD to POR.  It's an attraction in itself.

 

We haven't done it in a long, long time. We should do it again.

 

How do the French Donuts compare to say elephant ears or funnel cake?  No tickets so I can't go to Epcot for real funnel cake.

 

A Cafe Du Monde beignet blows away an elephant ear, any day.

 

This made me  :laugh:.  

 

Also- hey, Troll... What's up?  I'll play. 

 

Glad you're here for the ride. There's still so much for me to report!

[The Troll 67]

This trip report is on track and rolling full speed ahead! Thanks to everyone for reading along and commenting.

 

Hey, where's the Santa Claus guy? Shouldn't he be commenting by now?

 

Picking up where we left off, Mrs. Troll and I were "enjoying" some nice, chewy, tough beignets at the Sassagoula Floatworks. Lots of folks commenting here on the Troll Trip Report have reported that the Sassagoula Floatworks food sucks major simian buttocks. I'll buy that for a dollar. But the place does, at least, have a cool sign:

 

 

By the way, those of you who've been reading along since the very beginning may remember that I reported that I'm trying out a new image hosting service called Minus. Well, I'm very happy to report that Minus is a steaming pile of crap. It sucks dirty swim pants. Don't bother. It gets a Troll Grade of D-. So I need to find yet another image hosting service.

 

Anyway, as I was saying, the Floatworks joint's sign is pretty cool:

 

 

After I threw the largely uneaten beignets in the trash -- which was very much like taking a $20 bill and throwing it in the trash -- Mrs. Troll and I decided to take a look around the rest of the PO Riverside lobby.

 

 

 

 

 

Surprise! There's a gift shop at the POR. Mrs. Troll decided to take a walk through. Honestly, I'm not really sure why we do this, as we almost never buy anything from the Disney gift shops. Why? Well, for the same reasons why we're not DVC members. That's one of the interesting things we've paid attention to on this trip -- just how many people have shopping bags when they come back from the parks.

 

This company just rakes in the cash. I bet they couldn't print money faster than they rake it in.

 

Here's another Troll Tip, folks: Hop in your car, drive just outside the gate, and pay a visit to the Dollar Tree. They have official Disney merchandise there for 1/10th the price. Mrs. Troll assembled gift bags for our nephew and niece -- jam packed full of official Disney stuff -- and she got it all at the local Dollar Tree. Those sucker darling children won't know the difference!

 

I might even dig a Disney shopping bag out of the trash to put the gift bags in to really make it look legit!

 

Here's Mrs. Troll not falling for Mr. Disney's trick:

 

 

And here are some $5 lollipops that we did not buy:

 

 

Now, someone please riddle me this -- what in blue blazes do you do with these:

 

 

Play with them? Stick 'em on a shelf? I mean, what? They're ugly. And kind of creepy looking.

 

Speaking of creepy:

 

 

What is up with that guy? I mean, is he supposed to look inviting? Is he supposed to make all the skittish 5-year-olds want to play video games in his arcade? I mean, look at him. He kinda looks like President Obama dressed up as a court jester.

 

Kidding! Kidding!

 

Please don't report me to the NSA.

 

And here we see a new fashion trend amongst teenage boys:

 

 

That is, no shirt. Evidently duck facing is out and showing off your unbuff pecs is in.

 

Notice also the ponchos. It was raining foxes and hounds.

 

It was now approaching happy hour and Mr. Crockett was calling our names. So we made our way back to the bus stop to get our knees smashed by strollers and our toes run over by "Rent Me!" scooters.

 

Here we are, waiting:

 

 

And waiting:

 

 

Finally, the Epcot bus rolled up:

 

 

So we hopped aboard.

 

It was a horrible experience. The bus was wet. The seats were wet. The floor was covered in puddles. When the bus made a wide turn, the puddles rolled toward me and I had to lift my feet to prevent them from getting even more wet. Oh, and the A/C was so cold, you could hang meat in there.

 

It took forever and a day, but finally we arrived back at the Fort and grabbed the internal bus to the Settlement.

 

And here we are, at our favorite place on earth:

 

 

See that draft beer on that table? Six bucks.

 

Jikes.

 

And see this:

 

 

Seven bucks.

 

Crockett's is great...but just remember to BYOB:

 

 

 

Rain, rain, go away. Can you just imagine if you're some European dude and you save up for two years to afford the $1,500 per person plane tickets to take your children to see Mickey in the "Sunshine" State...only to arrive and it rains the entire flippin' time?!

 

 

Check this out:

 

 

See those white things that look like pebbles? Those are raindrops I captured by setting my shutter speed to 1/2000 a second. Pretty cool, huh?

 

OK, well, I must wrap up this update. Mrs. Troll is telling me she's sleepy. So much more to come tomorrow.

 

Like what, you ask?

 

How about a Troll Review of the Coronado Springs resort for starters?

[DaveInTN 3,247]

Ironically, after our horrible Sassagoula experience last year, we wandered into the gift shop to wait out a huge downpour as well.  Only, after the rain let up a bit, all we had to do was walk to our car and make the short 10 minute ride back to our campsite at the Fort. 

 

Yes, I'm rubbing that in. 

 

Oh, and that crap on the shelf at the gift shop looks like Vinylmation.  Another of Disney's ideas that look incredibly stupid on the surface, but somehow have raked in millions for the company and got some manager promoted to Chief Something Officer. 

[DramaMama .......... Janet 75]

How do the French Donuts compare to say elephant ears or funnel cake? No tickets so I can't go to Epcot for real funnel cake.

. In my experience the French donuts and elephant ears were similar. I am a funnel cake girl myself- less chewy and easier/less messy to eat. Of course I would have trouble turning down much of anything deep fried and covered in powdered sugar...

[Laura 17]

I love the raindrop picture! And now I need a drink.

 

What is it with Vinylmation? We like pretty much anything Disney, but this I do not understand. My daughter who is a toy monger does not even take a second look at them. They are not pleasing to look at. And what DO you do with them? Put them on a shelf? My house gets so dusty they would look like vinyl yetis within a month.  I have been wondering if these were geared towards the Asian crowd?  I have a girlfriend who just loves them, I am going to ask her if it is an Asian thing.....

[Katman1356...Jason 1,140]

Love following along Troll. One comment. You were at POFQ. Not POR. Dont want to confuse some poor readers. The food court at POR does not SMB. They do not have the beignets there but they do have a great variety of food.  

[Thrill Shakespeare (Andy) 58]

Love following along Troll. One comment. You were at POFQ. Not POR. Dont want to confuse some poor readers. The food court at POR does not SMB. They do not have the beignets there but they do have a great variety of food.  

 

Agreed.  I think one of the reasons I was so unimpressed with Floatworks is because of how pleased I was with the Riverside Mill.  And they do have a muffuletta if you need a taste of a New Orleans classic.

[DaveInTN 3,247]

Love following along Troll. One comment. You were at POFQ. Not POR. Dont want to confuse some poor readers. The food court at POR does not SMB. They do not have the beignets there but they do have a great variety of food.  

 

Yes, and that one has a design-your-own pasta bar. 

[Katman1356...Jason 1,140]

Yes, and that one has a design-your-own pasta bar. 

 

One of my favorite features. Load that thing up and it is more than enough to split.