The Trolls Return to the Fort

[Seals 111]

 

 

I had a thought while passing this basketball hoop. Mrs. Troll used to get angry at Junior Troll when the Troll Family would go out to a nice restaurant and Junior Troll would order something he could have at home.

 

Isn't this basketball hoop like that?

 

You're at the premier vacation destination in the WORLD and you're going to shoot hoops?

 

You can, you know, shoot hoops under an overpass in Miami.

 

Did you know there's a checkerboard in MK? Yeah. Pay $90 a person to get in a park and then play a crappy board game you can play on your phone for free...while stuck in traffic on I-75.

 

Fools.

 

 

 

 

 

I share these sentiments, and have said similar things to my children about eating and playing while on vacation. Even when I don't care where we eat on vacation my rule is it can't be a restaurant or fast food place we have in our town.  While I was walking touring around the Boardwalk one pleasant sunny morning during Thanksgiving week I passed by the fitness room at the Boardwalk Inn and couldn't believe how many people were walking and running on the treadmills.  I had to stop myself from banging on the window and yelling at them to go outside and walk or run in an actual place.  

 

Enjoying your report and look forward to reading more about what is happening right now. 

[dblr....Rennie 224]

Even when I don't care where we eat on vacation my rule is it can't be a restaurant or fast food place we have in our town.  

 

We started this rule a couple of years ago and it works out great, we have found some really nice places.

[Tri-Circle-D 2,059]

Amazing update, Troll.

 

With some amazing photos.

 

Who the heck are these Northern Pioneers, and why do they get to park that POS wagon on their loop, when I get a nastygram from the Idiot Rangers if I have one tire off of my site pad?

 

I love your coffee table.  Amazing.

 

And that sign?

 

Also amazing.

 

You don't deserve Mrs. Troll.

 

Oh, and I hate to burst your bubble, but B'rer Fox will not be eating B'rer Rabbit.  No way.  Not going to happen.

 

TCD

[Lou... 3,118]

Umm Excuse me Mr. Ranter, Doth my eyes deceive me or is that a BACKPACK in the stroller not another kid. duh. AND My DH carried my son all through The World in the baby carrier (in man colors of course) and Lukas loved it. I think we need someone to make a huge Troll carrier and carry you around for a bit. You will be singing kumbya before you know it. 

 

This is a great post, very funny.

[GaDawgFan.....Kelly 799]

Came by, but saw no Trolls out and about.

[Tri-Circle-D 2,059]

Came by, but saw no Trolls out and about.

Did you look under the bridge that goes to the group camping area?

TCD

[caveat lector 181]

Enough of this "Kinder, Gentler" Troll BS.

 

Old Troll is back!

........

Get ready to have your asses handed to you.

 .

Give us the full caffeinated version.....we can take it.

Also, I (and I like to think so would Ron Swanson) like your coffee table. I guess it eliminates concern for your coffee cup leaving a ring.

[The Troll 67]

The Troll IS back! Rant Troll! Rant!

 

I'm ranting! More ranting to come!

 

Amazing report so far Troll.

 

Thank you so much!

 

Your so right Troll, the commentary here is the best, you pull no punches. I would apologize but that's a sign of weakness and I don't need to give you anything else to feed off you find plenty on your own. Now rant on as that's why we read along.

 

Ranting on!

 

Umm Excuse me Mr. Ranter, Doth my eyes deceive me or is that a BACKPACK in the stroller not another kid. duh. AND My DH carried my son all through The World in the baby carrier (in man colors of course) and Lukas loved it. I think we need someone to make a huge Troll carrier and carry you around for a bit. You will be singing kumbya before you know it. 

 

No. Ask Mrs. Troll if you don't believe me. There were two brats being tended by this poor schlup.

 

I share these sentiments, and have said similar things to my children about eating and playing while on vacation. Even when I don't care where we eat on vacation my rule is it can't be a restaurant or fast food place we have in our town.  While I was walking touring around the Boardwalk one pleasant sunny morning during Thanksgiving week I passed by the fitness room at the Boardwalk Inn and couldn't believe how many people were walking and running on the treadmills.  I had to stop myself from banging on the window and yelling at them to go outside and walk or run in an actual place.  

 

Enjoying your report and look forward to reading more about what is happening right now. 

 

Yeah! It's like, get out there and experience what you're paying for!

 

 

We started this rule a couple of years ago and it works out great, we have found some really nice places.

 

No McDonalds's! No! Try something new! There's a McDonald's on every rundown street corner in America!

 

Amazing update, Troll.

 

With some amazing photos.

 

Who the heck are these Northern Pioneers, and why do they get to park that POS wagon on their loop, when I get a nastygram from the Idiot Rangers if I have one tire off of my site pad?

 

I love your coffee table.  Amazing.

 

And that sign?

 

Also amazing.

 

You don't deserve Mrs. Troll.

 

Oh, and I hate to burst your bubble, but B'rer Fox will not be eating B'rer Rabbit.  No way.  Not going to happen.

 

TCD

 

Agree...Mrs. Troll is just too good for me. She's the amazing-est.

 

Perhaps you didn't get the memo. Check  my photo. B'rer Fox has that obnoxious little bugger by the ears and has his fork in hand. Dinner time! Hasenpfeffer, anyone?!

 

This is a great post, very funny.

 

Not funny at all.

 

Came by, but saw no Trolls out and about.

 

Great meeting you today, Kelly! At last you can put a face to the Troll!

 

Give us the full caffeinated version.....we can take it.

Also, I (and I like to think so would Ron Swanson) like your coffee table. I guess it eliminates concern for your coffee cup leaving a ring.

 

You're getting the fully leaded version of the Troll!

[The Troll 67]

Let's venture on!

 

As I've reported many times before, Mrs. Troll and I are big fans of the 900 loop.

 

It's one awesome loop.

 

Let's take a look:

 

 

This bridge leads from the 900 loop over to the group camping area:

 

 

The group camping area has a very special charm unto itself. An old world charm.

 

By "old world" I mean 1960s, 1970s charm.

 

Although I believe, if I have my Fort history right, that the group camping area wasn't added till later.

 

 

 

There's been much discussion about the split log benches around the Fort. Well, look what I found on the 900 loop dog walk:

 

 

Interesting yellow thing in the canal:

 

 

Since this is a hybrid trip report -- one that I started in September, the end of summer and am now finishing in winter -- I was able to photograph this tree and the potato vines climbing up it in two different stages.

 

Here it is in winter:

 

 

Notice the potato vines have been frozen dead.

 

Hey, I have a question. What happens to zombies when they freeze in the dead of winter up north? They don't die, right? They just freeze solid and then thaw out and continue zombie-ing later, right? Do they think while they're frozen? Or do their brains go into hibernation?

Do the potato vines have to start all over again in spring or do the brown, dead-looking vines turn green again?

I really like this photo. It just screams, "Fort!":

 

 

 

What is the point of a pine cone, anyway? Is it a pine tree seed?

 

If yes, why do so few of them turn into pine trees?

 

 

OK, sorry that this is such a short update, but it's Super Bowl Sunday and Mrs. Troll is yelling at me that she wants to go looping before kickoff!

[alexwyattmommy 181]

Hope you had fun looping.

 

Nice update.

[The Troll 67]

Hope you had fun looping.

 

Nice update.

 

We did!

 

We also did some night looping. We even took a loop through the abandoned RC area at night. It's kind of spooky back there!

[alexwyattmommy 181]

I think looping is our number one favorite past time at the fort.  My husband likes the looping part too.  It is one of the first and last things we do.

[The Troll 67]

Time for an update!

 

I wanted to have dinner over at the Contemporary at least one night on this trip.

 

Many things have a special place in my heart, and the Contemporary is one of them.

 

It's amazing to think how much Disney World has changed since I made my first visit in 1974. I was 5 years old then. I remember walking out of the MK at just past midday and asking my mother, "Why are we leaving?" and she telling me, "Because you need a nap."

 

And you know what my response was?

"But I'm not tired."

 

For many, many generations, the reply to a mother's statement that a 5-year-old needs a nap has always been, "But I'm not tired."

 

Anyway, it's hard sometimes to think that there was a time when there were only four attractions at Disney World: MK, the Contemporary, the Polynesian, and the Fort. And I knew every restaurant and bar on property. There was Trail's End at the Fort. There was the joint at the top of the Contemporary. There was a burger joint in the arcade at the Contemporary. And if you wanted a beer, there was Crockett's at Pioneer Hall (but configured differently than it is today) and the Outer Rim at the Contemporary.

 

The World was a small world after all.

 

Today it's not small at all.

 

There are countless places to get a beer and a restaurant dedicated to every type of food you can imagine.

 

Chinese? Check.

 

Norwegian? Check.

 

Japanese? Check, check.

 

Cuban? Check.

 

How about Russian, Troll? Can you find Russian food at Disney World?

 

Russians don't have their own food. I believe they just eat wheat. I mean, seriously, how many Russian restaurants do you see around town?

 

Anyway, as I said, the Contemporary has a special place in my heart because, well, it's a World Original. And it hasn't changed much over the years.

 

Well, it has changed some, and the changes were for the worse, in my mind. But it's still the Contemporary, so we headed over there for dinner.

 

And that presents a bit of a challenge. There's the ripoff restaurant on the bottom floor called, creatively enough, "The Wave." $30 for a steak. No thank you. Then there's some ritzy place at the top of the hotel where you have to pay for, like, napkins. That leaves Chef Mickey's Fleecing Station and the quick serve place. As I'm sure you can guess, we ate at the quick serve.

 

We had chopped chicken salads. They were delicious, healthy, and affordable. Our entire dinner came out to under $17 for both of us!

 

Here's what the salad looked like:

 

 

Speaking of Fleecing Stations, they have DVC Fleecing Stations all over Disney World. And every time I see one, the Fleecer on Duty isn't talking to anyone. See:

 

 

She is clearly checking Facebook. And probably paid on commission.

 

Fail.

 

How do they fill those DVC things? I never see any of these amateur hucksters selling one! Never!

 

I bet, in fact, that if you walked up to inquire about one, that "sales" lady would get annoyed.

 

Here's The Wave place:

 

 

There used to be the World's Greatest Arcade in this location. Now it's just a run-of-the-mill, ho hum expensive Disney restaurant.

 

So the bottom line is there isn't much to do at the Contemporary besides eat and shop. There's an arcade but it sucks. The Outer Rim still exists, but it's been relegated to a corner of space connected to Chef Mickey so that the parents about to be fleeced can pound back some booze before their kids start screaming bloody murder in terror when a teenager in a Mickey Mouse costume comes up to their table.

 

Money well spent!

 

Let's make some memories!

 

So I have a question for the young parents reading along. If all you've got is a 2-year-old, why do you bring them to Disney? I mean, the kid isn't going to remember it. And all you're going to do is hate life, pushing a double-wide stroller through a park that wasn't designed for double-wide strollers. And your kid is going to scream the whole way, annoying me.

 

So, hey! Did you hear about President Obama's publicity scheme grand populist policy of officially "responding to" any petition that gets 100,000 in 30 days?

 

Key words: "Responding to." Notice the words aren't "Take action upon."

 

Translation: Circulate a petition on the Internet, gather 100,000 signatures, send it to us, and we'll have an aide write up a very nebulous "official" response!

 

Taxpayer money well spent!

 

Anyway, where am I going with this, you ask?

 

Actually I'm not sure. I forgot...

 

Oh, wait! Now I remember. Let's start one of those petitions to get the two-year-olds banned at Disney! Think of how much better it would be for everybody! Less double-wide strollers! Less baby harnesses! Less screaming and crying! No dirty diapers! No baby butts up in the air when I walk into the men's room!

 

Someone start that petition!

 

Anyway, so since there's nothing to do at the Contemporary other than eat and shop and since we already ate and never shop at Disney, it was time to leave. We rode the boat back to the Fort:

 

 

 

Notice the lights over her left shoulder. Don't you just feel like you're there?

 

Now I say we never shop at Disney, and that's true, but we love to window shop at the Meadows.

 

Stuff:

 

 

Here's today's Troll Tip: If you value your credit score, do not buy any of this.

 

Little plastic things that kids want for some reason:

 

 

Farmer Mickey:

 

 

It's so nice that violence has been exorcised from American history. We defeated the Nazis by sprinkling water on them.

 

Notice here that Mickey is wearing a 2014 t-shirt:

 

 

So that made me wonder -- in 2015 will they round up all these Mickeys and just change his t-shirt? Or will they toss them all in the dumpster and issue entirely new made-in-China Mickeys?

 

And if you buy one, what do you do with your 2014 Mickey when 2015 rolls around? It's dated!

 

Kind of like going to a Miami Dolphins game wearing the old logo. You look poor. Like you can't afford a new hat and jersey with the new logo on it.

 

They sell that crap out of these:

 

 

There's some lollipop factory somewhere that works around the clock, pumping these things out. I wonder if that factory is in China? Just imagine! There's a factory in China, un-air conditioned, with industrial lighting overhead, and there's scores of Chinese peasants putting these things together. And then they get stacked into crates, loaded onto cargo ships, and then shipped from Songxia to Lake Buena Vista! And then they wind up in your two-year-old's mouth and all over his face and shirt! Then he drops it and it falls into the sand and the two-year-old starts screaming! And then the Troll is walking by and gets annoyed.

 

America!

 

Keeping the wheels of progress turning!

 

They sell coffee:

 

 

If you buy it, you're stupid.

 

And then I found this very interesting:

 

 

Admit it -- that's the bizarre-est packaging of a lightbulb ever. What happened to the cushy boxes that the lightbulb slips through and breaks when it hits the floor?

 

More junk:

 

 

And here it is, ladies and gentlemen -- the Magic Band Con Job:

 

 

Now here's a bit of a Troll Teaser for you: There will be an EPIC Troll Rant about the magic bands in this trip report. Troll Rant of Troll Rants. We'll get to that soon enough. But let's suffice it to say that I am not a fan.

 

Stupid wristband thing that makes you sign up for a Fast Pass online instead of getting one at the ride. If you forget to sign up? No Fast Pass for you!

 

And here we have extraordinarily, insultingly overpriced junk that -- I think -- you can "attach" to your Magic Band. Now, seriously, what fool would buy this? And there's rows and rows of it!

 

Now...examine the photo above. See the thing Mrs. Troll is modelling Price-Is-Right style? (You know, where you pretend you're using it?) Yeah, that thing. It's called a "Memory Maker."

 

Let's see how much they want for one:

 

 

$200 bucks! OK, has to be something good. What could it be? Special all-access to the rides? Extra hours after normal park closing? Characters come visit you at you hotel room and provide a personalized show for your kids?

 

Let's find out! Let's Google it. Ah! Here we go:

 

 

With Memory Maker, your whole family can be in the picture at Disney PhotoPass locations—plus select attraction and dining locations—throughout Walt Disney World Resort. All of the photos you take are magically yours forever, like memories of your family posing together in front of Cinderella Castle, screaming down Splash Mountain, hugging Mickey Mouse and so much more.

Forget about having to purchase each photo individually—you can get digital copies of them all.

 

Um...wait...what?

 

It...what?

 

Let me get this straight -- $200 for crappy digital photos taken by high school kids?

 

I especially like this part: "All of the photos you take are magically yours forever, like memories of your family posing together in front of Cinderella Castle."

 

I did not make this up. I copied it directly from the Disney website.

 

Here's another Troll Tip: The next time you're at the MK and you want some artificially-posed pictures of you and your family in front of Cinderalla Castle, just find the Troll. I will take said photo of you for 1/10th the price. And for $200, I'll follow your family around the park and be your very own dedicated photographer!

 

Disapprove:

 

 

Wall-to-wall junk:

 

 

By the way, who buys merchandise with Dopey on it? I mean, I understand Mickey and Donald and Goofy and Chip and Dale and even that annoying Simba (the Arnold Jackson of the cartoon animal world), but who the hell wants Dopey?

 

I mean look at his ass:

 

 

I mean, he is NOT cute. Not in any way, shape, or form.

 

And he wasn't even a very good dwarf. He was a crappy worker who annoyed his coworkers. You know, a disruptive employee who saps productivity and kills morale. A guy who just shows up and collects a paycheck.

 

So much more yet to come!

 

Oh! And according to Mrs. Troll who just checked the view count, we are officially over 10,000 views!

 

Look out, TDD!

[Tri-Circle-D 2,059]

Wow, that was good, Troll!

 

Very funny stuff!

 

I had no idea that the Memory Maker thing-a-ma-bob costs $200.  Holy smokes.  Good luck with that, Disney.

 

Yup, you're over 10,000 views on this TR!  Very good.  Keep it up.  You're still a little ahead of the latest TDD TR.  Of course, you had a three month head start, but you're still doing good.  Don't slack off, though, because I have some bonus material I'm going to start adding to my latest report.

 

BTW, it was good to see you and Mrs. Troll on Saturday.  It looks like the weather is improving nicely for the second part of your visit. Enjoy. 

 

TCD

[AC in A2......Aaron 693]

I really like the 900 loop too.

Thats where we always stayed when i was a youngling.

You might even say that the 900 Loop is "Amazing."

[GaDawgFan.....Kelly 799]

That was some quality ranting. But if parents only have a 2 year old, they wouldn't have a double stroller. Well, unless they are just dumb. I did see a lot of dumb people on our trip.

[Travisma 1,317]

Double Strollers are the work of the devil... especially the ginormous and dreaded DOUBLE JOGGING STROLLER, being pushed by someone that looks like they would drop dead jogging for more than 20 feet.

 

The dated merchandise probably ends up going to the outlet stores over on Vineland.  But if they were smart, they would just order 2015 shirts and redress the Mickey's, then they could  sell the 2014 shirts as collectables!

 

The boxed candy makers finally got smart a few years back and now print the holiday greetings on a plastic band that the store can slip off after the holiday and keep selling the candy instead of having to mark it down.

 

Good trip report and wonderful pictures.

[Seals 111]

 

So I have a question for the young parents reading along. If all you've got is a 2-year-old, why do you bring them to Disney? I mean, the kid isn't going to remember it. And all you're going to do is hate life, pushing a double-wide stroller through a park that wasn't designed for double-wide strollers. And your kid is going to scream the whole way, annoying me.

 

 

 I'll jump in and answer your question. In 2003 I brought TWO 2 year olds, actually they were 2 years and 50 weeks old, to WDW because I didn't have to pay for them.  And, they don't count toward room total number of people restrictions for rooms.  So we stayed in one room in All Star Movies with 3 kids and 2 adults and only had to pay for one kid and two adult tickets.  Plus, they don't eat very much. Plus, two year olds don't really care what souvenir they get as long as they get something.  It was our cheapest trip to Disney by far.  We couldn't afford to go back for 5 years after that.  You are right, however, they don't remember that trip at all. But I do. And now that they are teenagers I enjoy looking back at the photos of that trip.

 

So, the question should really be why bring 3 year olds to Disney?  

[DaveInTN 3,247]

Magic Bands SMB.  I'm looking forward to your rant. 

[alexwyattmommy 181]

Great ranting so far.

This.... "All of the photos you take are magically yours forever, ....is hilarious.  I guess the photos we take ourselves and the memories associated with them are now less magical than they used be.

[The Troll 67]

Wow, that was good, Troll!

 

Very funny stuff!

 

I had no idea that the Memory Maker thing-a-ma-bob costs $200.  Holy smokes.  Good luck with that, Disney.

 

Yup, you're over 10,000 views on this TR!  Very good.  Keep it up.  You're still a little ahead of the latest TDD TR.  Of course, you had a three month head start, but you're still doing good.  Don't slack off, though, because I have some bonus material I'm going to start adding to my latest report.

 

BTW, it was good to see you and Mrs. Troll on Saturday.  It looks like the weather is improving nicely for the second part of your visit. Enjoy. 

 

TCD

 

Yes, the weather has FINALLY improved. Rain, rain, rain, and more rain. It was nonstop. Just that constant, miserable drizzle.

 

So I imagine you'll post this past visit as "bonus material" in your New Year's report?!

So unfair.

 

I really like the 900 loop too.

Thats where we always stayed when i was a youngling.

You might even say that the 900 Loop is "Amazing."

 

There's that dreaded word. Read on. There will be Troll Rant about it that shouldn't be missed!

 

That was some quality ranting. But if parents only have a 2 year old, they wouldn't have a double stroller. Well, unless they are just dumb. I did see a lot of dumb people on our trip.

 

We have seen double-wide strollers used by single 2-year-old parents. The second seat is a cargo hold.

 

Double Strollers are the work of the devil... especially the ginormous and dreaded DOUBLE JOGGING STROLLER, being pushed by someone that looks like they would drop dead jogging for more than 20 feet.

 

The dated merchandise probably ends up going to the outlet stores over on Vineland.  But if they were smart, they would just order 2015 shirts and redress the Mickey's, then they could  sell the 2014 shirts as collectables!

 

The boxed candy makers finally got smart a few years back and now print the holiday greetings on a plastic band that the store can slip off after the holiday and keep selling the candy instead of having to mark it down.

 

Good trip report and wonderful pictures.

 

Yes. I just had a double jogging stroller experience the other day. Lady was jogging, pushing said double wide on the walking path. Behind her was husband. Troll was walking the Troll dogs. Husband shouted over wife's shoulder, "Excuse us!" which is a-hole for, "Move out of the way of our double-wide stroller as we hog up the whole walking path!"

 

 I'll jump in and answer your question. In 2003 I brought TWO 2 year olds, actually they were 2 years and 50 weeks old, to WDW because I didn't have to pay for them.  And, they don't count toward room total number of people restrictions for rooms.  So we stayed in one room in All Star Movies with 3 kids and 2 adults and only had to pay for one kid and two adult tickets.  Plus, they don't eat very much. Plus, two year olds don't really care what souvenir they get as long as they get something.  It was our cheapest trip to Disney by far.  We couldn't afford to go back for 5 years after that.  You are right, however, they don't remember that trip at all. But I do. And now that they are teenagers I enjoy looking back at the photos of that trip.

 

So, the question should really be why bring 3 year olds to Disney?  

 

So does this mean you won't be signing the petition?

 

Magic Bands SMB.  I'm looking forward to your rant. 

 

Oh, it's coming.

 

Great ranting so far.

This.... "All of the photos you take are magically yours forever, ....is hilarious.  I guess the photos we take ourselves and the memories associated with them are now less magical than they used be.

 

Yes! I was thinking the same thing. Or, like, it's possible to take digital photos that don't last forever. Only Disney digital photos last forever.

[Tri-Circle-D 2,059]

Yes, the weather has FINALLY improved. Rain, rain, rain, and more rain. It was nonstop. Just that constant, miserable drizzle.

 

So I imagine you'll post this past visit as "bonus material" in your New Year's report?!

So unfair.

 

 

I know.  Me adding to a report that is already a month old.

 

And now my TR has more views than yours.

 

It is very unfair.

 

I know it must be discouraging.

 

But, you're the Troll darn it!

 

Rise to the occasion.

 

Break out the Troll rants.

 

Take more pine cone photos.

 

Whatever it takes.

 

You can do it!

 

TCD

[momof3kids-Yvonne 596]

That was some quality ranting. But if parents only have a 2 year old, they wouldn't have a double stroller. Well, unless they are just dumb. I did see a lot of dumb people on our trip.

We had a double stroller when we just had DS. It was not one of those wide ones though just long. The seats could both fold down flat and worked great for when we were out somewhere and DS needed a nap. As Troll mentioned below it was also used for toting items and if a friend and I who also had a 2 year old were shopping together we would just use the one stroller for both boys.

Poor thing didn't get to use it at Disney though. He didn't get a trip there until he was 4. His sisters had to wait until they were about 8 and 9. Obviously we love him more. :rofl3:

[DaveInTN 3,247]

Do you gentlemen need me to resurrect my Moscow To Mickey trip report and start adding new photos of Anna to up the view count?  Don't think I won't do it.  :rofl3:

[GaDawgFan.....Kelly 799]

We had a double stroller when we just had DS. It was not one of those wide ones though just long. The seats could both fold down flat and worked great for when we were out somewhere and DS needed a nap. As Troll mentioned below it was also used for toting items and if a friend and I who also had a 2 year old were shopping together we would just use the one stroller for both boys.

Poor thing didn't get to use it at Disney though. He didn't get a trip there until he was 4. His sisters had to wait until they were about 8 and 9. Obviously we love him more. :rofl3:

Obviously, you like your son the best! Ha ha! I actually saw a long triple stroller on this trip. The Troll would LOVE it!!!