The Trolls Return to the Fort

[h2odivers...Ray 952]

We are considering buying a DVC. It might be a couple more years. Sil really wants to stay at the Deluxe resorts. She loves the feel and look of them. I know with the number of points we were looking at buying we could have 2 weeks at AKL every year. Count us among the ones who never want to see one at the Fort though.

If you have never stayed at one. I would recommend renting one. AKL can be rented for about the same price as a mod hotel, usually and sometimes even less.

[GaDawgFan.....Kelly 799]

I really loved the Poly, but I was also missing the Fort my entire stay. I just feel more at home in my RV, and I like the natural surroundings of the Fort.

But if I were going to do DVC, the Poly would be the place.

[h2odivers...Ray 952]

I really loved the Poly, but I was also missing the Fort my entire stay. I just feel more at home in my RV, and I like the natural surroundings of the Fort.

But if I were going to do DVC, the Poly would be the place.

We always do split trips. Last Christmas we stayed off property for 4 nights and then rented Donnie's 5er for 8 nights. It was awesome. We got the best of both worlds.

[h2odivers...Ray 952]

Kelly it looked like you guys had such a wonderful time at the poly.

The poly is the one MK resort I'm lost looking forward to staying at.

[dblr....Rennie 224]

We to are DVC owners and like it, we are also campers so when time does not allow us to tow the camper to the Fort DVC to the rescue. Just like camping is not for everyone neither is DVC, we bought almost 10 years ago and at todays cost we would not even think about it, anyway back to the Troll report and as always looking forward to the Rants.

[Travisma 1,317]

What we're forgetting is that included in your "membership" are maintenance costs. According to the example given on that official DVC site, the maintenance costs in the example are $900 per year. So now let's go back to the $24,000 you originally had to plop down. You owe that to the bank. After interest, if you financed it for, say, 30 years, you're looking at paying the bank at least $1,000 bucks for that note every single year. Add to that the $900 in maintenance fees and you're paying somewhere in the neighborhood of $2,000 per year for your DVC membership.

And what does that $2,000 per year get you?

Three nights -- yes, three -- in the Bay Lake Towers.

$2,000 bucks for three flippin' nights.

 

Troll, in the little time I’ve been following your RANTS, I have never seen you so wrong (except about Country Bears and Inflatables which we will discuss at a later date) as you are about the above statement!

 

You are not buying 3 nights at a DVC, you are buying points. 

 

Nay not just points, but MAGICAL,MYSTICAL,DISNEY POINTS (MMDP's).

 

Points that will have your co-workers at the water cooler point to you and say “That smart SOB is a DVC member.

 

Points that will cause your boss to give you a promotion, a generous raise, and extra time off to enjoy your points!

 

Points that will have your perfect 2.1 children, Skye and Brad greeting you at the door every night with your slippers, robe and martini.

 

Points that will have your trophy wife Bambi making sure you get “lucky’ numerous times a week.!

 

Points that will make you as powerful as Thor, Darth Vader and Tinkerbell all rolled into one!

 

Magical, Mystical Disney points…

 

Until you try to use them anytime at WDW from January 1 thru December 31.

 

Points that will enable you to get a sheep shed at Disney of Turkmenistan for 1 night  on February 3 during their yearly government overthrow.

 

Points that you realize you don’t have enough of to get you any acomodation at WDW better than the Value Resorts.

 

Points that you will go bankrupt trying to purchase more of, so Bambi comes back to you, and Skye and Brad no longer will have to stand on the side of the road with their “Will work for points” signs.

 

Magical, Mystical, Disney points

 

(No offense to the smart DVC members that bought MMDP’s at the beginning)

[caveat lector 181]

It's refreshing how our friendly neighborhood Troll rides the fence on so many issues. Makes for some fun reading. Keep up the good work

[The Troll 67]

Great pix.

There is one thing you are forgetting about the DVC...there are enough people out here that think its a great deal, and will continue to buy them. And for some people, because of they way they like to vacation it is,

I'm just not one of them.

 

Agree. But my concern is that it all may just be a bubble, like the housing bubble. That is, the demand may dry up and many of the buyers may grow weary of paying the maintenance fees and the mortgage year after year and just "let it go back to the bank," as they say.

 

In my mind -- and I could be wrong, of course -- but in my mind, for many of the buyers (perhaps most) it's an impulse purchase. They're Disney first-timers, fall in love with the place, get all starry-eyed, and in an instant decide, "Oh, yeah! We'll come back here for our vacations forever!" even though they live in, like, Arizona.

 

Eventually the charm wears off, especially when the bills pile up.

 

I am one of those suckers and Love it.  When I bought in it was a lot cheaper and I get more then 3 nights.  I typically get 14 nights out of the points that I have.  Also, BLT uses a lot more points then Villas at Wilderness Lodge.  It all depends on the season you go.

 

However, I do believe they are putting in way too many DVC's and hope they NEVER build one at the Fort.  Hopefully the 2 (Plus GF and Polynesian) that they have around the Magic Kingdom area will suffice.

 

jon

 

Don't get me wrong -- if you just like the DVC experience, more power to you. Most folks here on Fort Fiends are Disney diehards like me and vacation here regularly. So for those folks who have the money, a DVC may be worth it. I just don't think most people who buy in are fully aware of what they're getting in to.

 

I was curious as to whether "geysing" is an actual word, so I Googled it.  That was a mistake.  I'm throwing my turkey baster out. 

 

I won't Google it, either. I'll take your word. But you painted enough of a picture...thanks.

 

I agree it's a good deal if you like to stay at the upper end resorts. We are on a mission to stay at every resort. Value to treehouse villas.

I've actually run the numbers on buying one in the secondary market. Without going into to much detail.

If you stay at the deluxe resorts every year, your break even point is about 8-10 years.

 

Maybe if you buy in on the secondary market where you're buying a foreclosure or something. But if you're buying new, I just don't see how anyone can make the numbers work.

 

We are considering buying a DVC. It might be a couple more years. Sil really wants to stay at the Deluxe resorts. She loves the feel and look of them. I know with the number of points we were looking at buying we could have 2 weeks at AKL every year. Count us among the ones who never want to see one at the Fort though. 

 

I don't object so much to a Fort DVC, so long as it's built in the undeveloped area between the Lodge and River Country. They could even reclaim some pieces of River Country, and that would be cool. I am concerned, though, that they're overbuilding the DVCs.

 

If you have never stayed at one. I would recommend renting one. AKL can be rented for about the same price as a mod hotel, usually and sometimes even less.

 

Mrs. Troll and I have stayed in many timeshare units in the past. But we just rent them as hotel rooms. You're right -- they tend to be very, very nice.

 

I really loved the Poly, but I was also missing the Fort my entire stay. I just feel more at home in my RV, and I like the natural surroundings of the Fort.

But if I were going to do DVC, the Poly would be the place.

 

I think we'd do the Lodge.

 

We to are DVC owners and like it, we are also campers so when time does not allow us to tow the camper to the Fort DVC to the rescue. Just like camping is not for everyone neither is DVC, we bought almost 10 years ago and at todays cost we would not even think about it, anyway back to the Troll report and as always looking forward to the Rants.

 

Maybe the prices 10 years ago can make the math work. But I just can't make the numbers work at today's prices.

 

What we're forgetting is that included in your "membership" are maintenance costs. According to the example given on that official DVC site, the maintenance costs in the example are $900 per year. So now let's go back to the $24,000 you originally had to plop down. You owe that to the bank. After interest, if you financed it for, say, 30 years, you're looking at paying the bank at least $1,000 bucks for that note every single year. Add to that the $900 in maintenance fees and you're paying somewhere in the neighborhood of $2,000 per year for your DVC membership.

And what does that $2,000 per year get you?

Three nights -- yes, three -- in the Bay Lake Towers.

$2,000 bucks for three flippin' nights.

 

Troll, in the little time I’ve been following your RANTS, I have never seen you so wrong (except about Country Bears and Inflatables which we will discuss at a later date) as you are about the above statement!

 

You are not buying 3 nights at a DVC, you are buying points. 

 

Nay not just points, but MAGICAL,MYSTICAL,DISNEY POINTS (MMDP's).

 

Points that will have your co-workers at the water cooler point to you and say “That smart SOB is a DVC member.

 

Points that will cause your boss to give you a promotion, a generous raise, and extra time off to enjoy your points!

 

Points that will have your perfect 2.1 children, Skye and Brad greeting you at the door every night with your slippers, robe and martini.

 

Points that will have your trophy wife Bambi making sure you get “lucky’ numerous times a week.!

 

Points that will make you as powerful as Thor, Darth Vader and Tinkerbell all rolled into one!

 

Magical, Mystical Disney points…

 

Until you try to use them anytime at WDW from January 1 thru December 31.

 

Points that will enable you to get a sheep shed at Disney of Turkmenistan for 1 night  on February 3 during their yearly government overthrow.

 

Points that you realize you don’t have enough of to get you any acomodation at WDW better than the Value Resorts.

 

Points that you will go bankrupt trying to purchase more of, so Bambi comes back to you, and Skye and Brad no longer will have to stand on the side of the road with their “Will work for points” signs.

 

Magical, Mystical, Disney points

 

(No offense to the smart DVC members that bought MMDP’s at the beginning)

 

Ha ha! You got me. I was expecting a very serious rebuttal to my DVC rant. Instead you pushed the envelope even further!

 

It's refreshing how our friendly neighborhood Troll rides the fence on so many issues. Makes for some fun reading. Keep up the good work

 

I'm here to serve. Hey, I can't justify the DVC expense in my mind, but I sure do enjoy mooching the amenities when I can.

 

But you know what? Again, mark my words -- demand is going to dry up and Disney is going to be desperate to move their DVC inventory. Desperate times will turn to desperate measures...can you say, "Extra Magic Hours for DVC members only?"

[alexwyattmommy 181]

3 Troll Posts, I can now opt in to the thread.

[DaveInTN 3,247]

 

Points that will enable you to get a sheep shed at Disney of Turkmenistan for 1 night  on February 3 during their yearly government overthrow.

 

Bambi put her foot down and is insisting on the Villas at Somali Bay this year.  But hey, the pirates are real, and the prayer mats have extra padding. 

[fort4evr 0]

Great troll rants so far....

[The Troll 67]

OK, picking up where we left off, I'm at the Lodge. I just finished a workout at the Sturdy Branches gym and now I'm exploring the Lodge grounds.

There's a really, really nice beach at the Lodge. They keep it pristine. It's a selling point for potential DVC victims touring the property. Let's take a look.

Notice they have shaded cover things. I don't think you have to rent them. I think you just plop yourself underneath one.

Look at that sand:

So perfectly combed and manicured. You know how you open up a new jar of peanut butter and the peanut butter is so perfectly smooth on top that you regret having to dig a butter knife into it? I had that feeling about walking across that perfectly combed beach sand.

But you know what? I'm a troll:

That's one small step for a troll, one giant leap for all trollkind.

Some happy people were on their way to MK:

Notice all the rain clouds:

They would soon dump their payload on the Trolls.

Let's take a look back toward the Lodge:

Notice the construction going on. Let's take a closer look:

Flowers are also a big selling point:

See, if they build a DVC at the Fort, maybe they'll bring back some more theming. Like that moose topiary I want so badly. I mean, suppose you were shopping for a DVC and you saw a moose topiary. Wouldn't that make you want to buy a DVC at said resort? Of course it would. No one can resist a moose topiary.

After a few minutes of looking around and tracking up the pristine beach, I decided to head back to camp. The girl's bike was at the bike rack, dutifully standing by:

That bike is a girl's bike, but it sure does ride nicer than my Walmart special.

On my way back, I realized I hadn't noticed this:

How in the world had I missed it? Maybe I was busy looking over my shoulder, worried that the surrey was gaining on me.

And that got me thinking...

Just who the hell is Bob, anyway? I dare someone to call that number and ask.

Anyway, so when I got back to camp, I realized it was a good thing I went to the gym. Why, you ask? Because we had a plan.

We called it Operation Beignet.

What is a beignet, you ask?

A beignet is 2,000 calories of deep fried goodness, all smothered in powered sugar, that's what.

Seriously, a beignet is a French deep fried pastry. It's the French version of a donut. And when done right, they are some of the most delicious things ever invented by humanity.

Mrs. Troll and I learned before we set off for this trip that they sell beignets at the Port Orleans at the Sassagoula Floatworks food court. Mrs. Troll and I are beignet connoisseurs, as we've made many trips to New Orleans, home of the world famous Cafe Du Monde. Cafe Du Monde sells two things -- beignets and chicory coffee. If you've never been there, imagine an outdoor bakery that's just covered in powered sugar mess.

A cockroach mecca.

But the beignets can't be beat.

So our expectations were very high and are hopes were way up when we set out to get some of Mr. Disney's beignets.

By the way, evidently Walt was a big fan of New Orleans. I mean, so much of the Disney kingdom is modeled after New Orleans.

Anyway, so the plan was to ride the bus from the Fort to Port Orleans to enjoy the beignets...

...and this, folks, brings us to a Troll Fail.

What's the Troll Fail, you ask? I just said it: Bus.

OK, this is actually going to be a combined Troll Fail and Troll Rant all rolled up into one. Let's get started.

[TROLL RANT]

The Disney buses suck. They suck! They absolutely, unequivocally suck. They have been rendered completely impractical and ineffectual as a form of mass transportation. Why, do I say that, you ask? Let me count the ways.

Back in the 70s and 80s, the buses were great. They were air conditioned and they worked like this: Everyone orderly stepped on the bus, the bus drove to your intended destination, and then you got off and spent your money.

They don't work like that anymore. Instead they work like this: You get on board the bus at the Fort. If you're lucky the Fort Depot isn't crowded. You then roll to another resort and stop at one of about three dozen bus stops they have at that one resort. At each bus stop is a mass of people, half of whom are either pushing a double wide stroller or are riding on a not-so-disabled person scooter.

So the bus driver has to put the bus in PARK, unbuckle his seat belt, and then yell at anyone sitting in the reserved "disabled" person seating area to move out of the way. He then has to lower a ramp and then instruct the person riding the scooter how to drive it up the ramp. Invariably, the scooter has a suspicious little placard on the front of it that says, "Rent Me!"

Now, I ask you, if you're disabled, don't you own a scooter of your own? Why are you renting one?

Anyway, so the scooter rider drives the scooter up the ramp and then rams the scooter into the bus driver, pinning him against the wall because, you see, the scooter rider is new to scooters and doesn't know how to operate them.

So then the driver says to the scooter rider, "Can you sit in a seat?" and the scooter rider says, "Sure!" The rider then swings a leg over the scooter, hops up, and takes a seat in the preferred reserved seating. The rest of the rider's family then join the rider in the "reserved" seating, while the mom with the two-year-old who was sitting in the reserved seating is now standing in the back of the bus with the two-year-old on her hip.

The bus driver hooks the scooter to some straps, heaves a deep, exhausted sigh, and then opens the front door to the bus as he announces, "OK, folks, come on in."

Then half a dozen dads start fumbling with the double wide strollers, desperately trying to get them to "fold." When it finally does fold, it isn't much smaller than it was to begin with, and the dad then clumsily tries to cram it through the bus door. When he finally gets it through, he then lugs it down the aisle, smashing the Troll's knees along the way.

So now the aisle is stuffed full of folded double wide strollers, backpacks, diaper bags, and plastic toy lightsabers that are being brought to the park for some inexplicable reason. If the bus catches on fire or flips over, all the riders are dead, you see, as there would be no possible way to escape the burning wreckage.

So that's the first stop at this resort. Only six just like this to go before we leave this resort and get to the next.

About two hours later, maybe, if you're lucky, you'll be at your destination.

[/TROLL RANT]

So the Troll Fail was the fact that we decided to ride the bus to Port Orleans, which meant we had to ride a bus to a park (we chose Epcot) and then transfer to a bus going from the park to Port Orleans. Don't ask me why we did that. We knew better. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I was just being dumb.

Here's a veteran's tip: If at all possible, do NOT ride the Disney buses to get somewhere. Just drive your personal vehicle instead. You'll get there much faster and avoid so much terrible frustration, angry parents, and screaming children. Trust me on this. Just drive. It's worth it.

The buses are FAIL. You'll burn several hours of your day onboard some fail bus, which is a completely fail business model. Think about it -- there's nothing to be bought on the bus. The more time guests waste on a bus is less time in a park, spending money.

OK...up next, we finally get our beignets. Will they measure up to the Cafe Du Monde originals? Tune in to the Troll Trip Report and find out!

[DaveInTN 3,247]

Sassagoula Floatworks SMB.  But I haven't tried their beignets, so maybe you had a better experience. 

 

And you raise an interesting thought.  Disney has designed most of their attractions so that you have to exit through a gift shop.  I'm surprised they haven't designed the buses that way.  Imagine...you enter through the front of the bus and take a seat.  But you then exit through the mid-bus doors, around which a nice selection of Disney Transportation merchandise could be sold.  A little gift shop right on the bus.  No more lost revenue from the times people are stuck riding those things. 

[shoreline99 137]

Excellent trip report, Norm. Keep up the good work!

[caveat lector 181]

Wow, a hybrid "rant and fail."

Unfortunately there is plenty of fodder as you've astutely observed.

[Beckers 1,136]

We always do split trips. Last Christmas we stayed off property for 4 nights and then rented Donnie's 5er for 8 nights. It was awesome. We got the best of both worlds.

We do split stays too. Love them. Normally value for the bulk and then 2 nights DVC rentals.

[Nicki aka Rebelstand 272]

Funny how different people see WDW transpo.  We rarely drive anywhere on property and have only once truly regretted it.  Sure there are some annoyances but mostly the ability to not drive (and annoy Lou by getting on a bus) is relaxing.  I figure that we pay for the transpo, might as well get some use out of it.

[mouseketab.....Carol 1,261]

Funny how different people see WDW transpo.  We rarely drive anywhere on property and have only once truly regretted it.  Sure there are some annoyances but mostly the ability to not drive (and annoy Lou by getting on a bus) is relaxing.  I figure that we pay for the transpo, might as well get some use out of it.

Agreed, plus when we do go out, we hop quite a bit, bus to a park for an hour or so, bus to a resort restaurant, bus back to a park, that is a lot of in and out and lots of driving, and quite a bit of gas. Also, the main reason is Rick's scooter is so darn heavy getting it in and out of the truck is a real nuisance, so it's the buses for us :) Yes Troll, it is our own personal scooter, and both of us can park that thing on the bus like a pro!!!! (I park it for him on the few remaining RTS buses, because of his back, turning to see backing up hurts him)

[CCIntrigue...aka Gwen 547]

Funny how different people see WDW transpo.  We rarely drive anywhere on property and have only once truly regretted it.  Sure there are some annoyances but mostly the ability to not drive (and annoy Lou by getting on a bus) is relaxing.  I figure that we pay for the transpo, might as well get some use out of it.

 

I agree.  Since we got the moho we don't have a car there.  We rent one for a couple of days halfway through our trip and go to Lakeland to visit my aunt and uncle.  Then we make a grocery run and once in awhile to Camping World for anything we might need.

 

On our last trip we decided to drive over to DHS.  Big mistake.  It was raining, and the trams were soaking wet.

 

We usually have excellent bus service, and since we're paying for it might as well use it and not have to deal with the trams.

[Laura 17]

Great Trip report so far!  I love Cricket sounds! So much so I bought an additional baby sound machine that has a "Summer Nights" setting that sounds just like the Wilderness Lodge Cricket sounds. <heavy sigh>  

I never have been able to get the mental math for a dvc membership to work. But I am no genius. So more power to those who can make it happen.

I have a feeling I may and up in one of your bitching sessions rants soon, as we are now a Scooter AND <gasp> a Stroller Family!  2 things I never thought we would be. My petite 82 year old Mom is hell on wheels in her scooter. She drives pretty much like a blind Mr. Magoo on amphetamines so you might want to hang onto your camera and run if you see us heading your way at a bus stop. She could never walk the parks and we want her with us so we bought her a scooter (plus we can throw all our stuff on it!). Let the world beware. And NOW we have been blessed with Lukas, 10mo who kinda has to come with us  <---- Enter STROLLER. I am no longer one of the people who say "What the h.e. double hockey sticks is that mother thinking bringing an infant to Disney World"  I understand now. Mothers need their Disney fix or someone at home may die.

I have never had a terrible experience with the bus system, the most irritating thing is listening to my husband crab about the scooter people having to be loaded. I wonder who that sounds like? Now that WE are a scooter family he does not say much, but I can see it boiling in his eyes.

I like the Welcome Home we usually get when we pull up to the Pearly Gates Guard Shack.  We work so hard to get there, and to us it is home. The guy forgot to say it once and we all looked at each other in horror. I hope they keep saying it.

Laura

[momof3kids-Yvonne 596]

My mom has MS and uses a cane to help her walk. At this time she does not have her own scooter for extended walking so, when she went to Disney World a few years back she rented a scooter. I asked her how she did with it and she was fine.

[Tankpilot 9]

In my mind -- and I could be wrong, of course -- but in my mind, for many of the buyers (perhaps most) it's an impulse purchase. They're Disney first-timers, fall in love with the place, get all starry-eyed, and in an instant decide, "Oh, yeah! We'll come back here for our vacations forever!"

I can attest to this. When my family and I stayed at Kidani Village 2.5 years ago, it was our first family trip to Disney and we were very tempted. Then we started looking at the money and the "points" and realized we were not buying a spot in Kidani for a week stay whenever we wanted.

So now we have a 26' TT for 10k less than the buy in, we can camp whenever (and wherever) we want, and we are staying for 7 nights at the fort for less than what it cost for one night at KV (and that's including the 40% military discount used at KV).

But, man do they make the experience look great.

[The Troll 67]

Sassagoula Floatworks SMB.  But I haven't tried their beignets, so maybe you had a better experience. 

 

And you raise an interesting thought.  Disney has designed most of their attractions so that you have to exit through a gift shop.  I'm surprised they haven't designed the buses that way.  Imagine...you enter through the front of the bus and take a seat.  But you then exit through the mid-bus doors, around which a nice selection of Disney Transportation merchandise could be sold.  A little gift shop right on the bus.  No more lost revenue from the times people are stuck riding those things. 

 

At the peril of giving away the crux of the next update, I agree that the Sassagoula Floatworks sucks. More details in the update below.

 

Excellent trip report, Norm. Keep up the good work!

 

Thank you so much. Thanks for reading along.

 

Wow, a hybrid "rant and fail."

Unfortunately there is plenty of fodder as you've astutely observed.

 

Indeed. I can rant about a lot and I can fail even more.

 

We do split stays too. Love them. Normally value for the bulk and then 2 nights DVC rentals.

 

Um...ladies?

 

Funny how different people see WDW transpo.  We rarely drive anywhere on property and have only once truly regretted it.  Sure there are some annoyances but mostly the ability to not drive (and annoy Lou by getting on a bus) is relaxing.  I figure that we pay for the transpo, might as well get some use out of it.

 

The buses suck. Yes, you're paying for it, but that doesn't change the fact that it sucks. The buses are a great way to waste a big chunk of your vacation.

 

Agreed, plus when we do go out, we hop quite a bit, bus to a park for an hour or so, bus to a resort restaurant, bus back to a park, that is a lot of in and out and lots of driving, and quite a bit of gas. Also, the main reason is Rick's scooter is so darn heavy getting it in and out of the truck is a real nuisance, so it's the buses for us :) Yes Troll, it is our own personal scooter, and both of us can park that thing on the bus like a pro!!!! (I park it for him on the few remaining RTS buses, because of his back, turning to see backing up hurts him)

 

See? You're legit. No "Rent Me" scooter for you.

 

I agree.  Since we got the moho we don't have a car there.  We rent one for a couple of days halfway through our trip and go to Lakeland to visit my aunt and uncle.  Then we make a grocery run and once in awhile to Camping World for anything we might need.

 

On our last trip we decided to drive over to DHS.  Big mistake.  It was raining, and the trams were soaking wet.

 

We usually have excellent bus service, and since we're paying for it might as well use it and not have to deal with the trams.

 

I hate the buses. Monorail is OK. Boat is OK. Bus sucks.

 

Great Trip report so far!  I love Cricket sounds! So much so I bought an additional baby sound machine that has a "Summer Nights" setting that sounds just like the Wilderness Lodge Cricket sounds. <heavy sigh>  

I never have been able to get the mental math for a dvc membership to work. But I am no genius. So more power to those who can make it happen.

I have a feeling I may and up in one of your bitching sessions rants soon, as we are now a Scooter AND <gasp> a Stroller Family!  2 things I never thought we would be. My petite 82 year old Mom is hell on wheels in her scooter. She drives pretty much like a blind Mr. Magoo on amphetamines so you might want to hang onto your camera and run if you see us heading your way at a bus stop. She could never walk the parks and we want her with us so we bought her a scooter (plus we can throw all our stuff on it!). Let the world beware. And NOW we have been blessed with Lukas, 10mo who kinda has to come with us  <---- Enter STROLLER. I am no longer one of the people who say "What the h.e. double hockey sticks is that mother thinking bringing an infant to Disney World"  I understand now. Mothers need their Disney fix or someone at home may die.

I have never had a terrible experience with the bus system, the most irritating thing is listening to my husband crab about the scooter people having to be loaded. I wonder who that sounds like? Now that WE are a scooter family he does not say much, but I can see it boiling in his eyes.

I like the Welcome Home we usually get when we pull up to the Pearly Gates Guard Shack.  We work so hard to get there, and to us it is home. The guy forgot to say it once and we all looked at each other in horror. I hope they keep saying it.

Laura

 

I think we may have seen your 82 year old mom at the Lodge lobby yesterday. A lady came booking through there at, like, 20 mph, nearly mowing down 4-year-olds along the way! And I agree -- cricket noise is awesome.

 

I can attest to this. When my family and I stayed at Kidani Village 2.5 years ago, it was our first family trip to Disney and we were very tempted. Then we started looking at the money and the "points" and realized we were not buying a spot in Kidani for a week stay whenever we wanted.

So now we have a 26' TT for 10k less than the buy in, we can camp whenever (and wherever) we want, and we are staying for 7 nights at the fort for less than what it cost for one night at KV (and that's including the 40% military discount used at KV).

But, man do they make the experience look great.

 

I agree...pulling a travel trailer or 5th wheel is definitely the way to travel. You pull your very own DVC behind your truck and you're not restricted in where you can go. Plus you can make all your own meals. We love it.

[The Troll 67]

Time to continue our Troll-tastic journey.

 

When we last left off, the Trolls had committed a grave error by riding the horrible Disney buses to Port Orleans for an order of beignets, which is France's version of a donut. It ended up taking us about an hour and a half to get to Port Orleans from the Fort, a trip that would have taken us less than ten minutes in our own car. Oh well...that's an hour and twenty minutes of my life I won't be getting back.

 

But think of the grand memories! Where else can you endure two eight-year-old children screaming at the top of their lungs in excitement and it all being egged on by the parents...who evidently now believe that children should be encouraged to "express themselves" and "be true to themselves," whatever the hell that means.

 

And where else could I have met the elderly couple from Alberta, Canada who, I think, told me a long story about their van. I say "I think" because the Mrs. was a low talker and I could barely hear her. It was something about a regular van and sleeping in it without A/C. That was a valuable life experience, right?

 

Anyway, by the time we got to the Port Orleans, I needed a shave.

 

We were also starving, so we were very pleased when we walked through the lobby doors and spotted the Sassagoula Floatworks place immediately off to the left.

 

Oh, before we do that, I forgot to post this picture of our bus stop:

 

 

Bet you're glad you didn't miss out on that.

 

And check this out:

 

 

Oh, and check this out:

 

 

That last photo is a good introduction to a photo theme I'm working on for this report. Troll Trip Reports always have multiple themes and subplots. This report promises to be no different. One of the themes I always shoot for is to create a unique photo set for the report. Like one time I did a set of "Point of View" photos where I took photos of myself from a first person perspective to give you, my loyal readers, the sense that you were doing the activity.

 

In this report, the photo theme I'm working on is "Unique Perspectives." That is, I'm going to be shooting photos of common subjects around the Fort but try to take them from different, unusual angles. In the photo above, I took it by standing on one of the fence posts along that fence. Awesome, isn't it? Now I ask you, who would think to do that? I'm so creative.

 

Here's a flier for that Mickey's Not So Affordable Trick or Treat Session:

 

 

The flier was posted up at the bus stop.

 

I'm sure that whatever Disney exec thought up the Mickey's Not So Scary Whatever is permanently esconced on Disney's Employee of All Time wall. I bet he has a window on Main Street by now.

 

I can just imagine how that went down in the Disney boardroom. It was probably something like this:

 

Junior Disney Exec to the High Ups on the Board: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have an idea. Let's go to Dollar General and buy up all their bags of Halloween candy. Then we'll close the Magic Kingdom early and then re-open it for a Halloween party where we give away the Dollar General candy!"

 

Skeptical High Up at Head of Table: "What would be the point of that?"

 

Junior Disney Exec: "Money, sir! We close the park early. Actually, we don't really close it at all. We make the guests buy another ticket to stay in! We kick out anyone who doesn't have the extra ticket! Then we just give out the Dollar General candy and the guests will think they're at a special event!"

 

High Up at Head of Table (No Longer Skeptical): "Brilliant! Son, you're going places! This is the type of out-of-the-box thinking this company needs! What other great ideas do you have, son?"

 

Junior Disney Exec: "Well, sir, I do have another idea. I call it the Disney Vacation Club..."

 

Anway...how did we get talking about this? Where were we? Oh, yeah! The beignets. Back to the beignets.

 

As I was saying before I got distracted by Mickey with rat fangs, the Sassagoula Floatworks place is immediately off to the left as soon as you enter the Port Orleans lobby:

 

 

The Floatworks joint is themed to be a workshop where they build those creepy floats for Mardi Gras. Why on God's blue earth would you theme a food court after that? Mardi Gras parades suck. Disney's Electrical Light Parade blows any cheesy Mardi Gras parade out of the water. But, hey, whatever.

 

Here's some pictures:

 

 

 

So the whole point behind Mardi Gras is it's one last drunken, depraved blowout festival where the women bare their private parts in preparation for Lent. You know, to, like, get it out of your system before you buckle down for the Lenten season.

 

I wonder how God feels about that?

 

Somehow I bet he doesn't approve. Mardi Gras revelers should read the stories about the Golden Calf and the Great Flood.

 

That's all I'm going to say about that.

 

Moving on.

 

We ordered our beignets and I then proceeded to make the women who cook the beignets feel self conscious by taking pictures of them as they did it:

 

 

Ladies, less talking and more deep frying, please.

 

It was cool that the beignets were made to order, even if it meant we had to wait for them.

 

Finally they arrived:

 

 

So, now, perhaps I should rehash. We had to endure an hour and a half torture session on the Disney buses to get here. We were starving, as we hadn't eaten any breakfast or lunch to save space (and calories) in our bellies for some delectable, fluffy, doughy beignets...and guess what?

 

Yeah, you guessed it.

 

The beignets sucked.

 

Tough. Chewy. Rubbery. Overcooked.

 

Fail.

 

To eat one, I had to pick it up, sink my back molars into it like a set of pliers, and then twist and turn it until a piece tore off.

 

Let me just put it simply, folks: Not recommended. The Troll gives the Port Orleans beignets a C-.

 

I mean, they weren't terrible. They were, after all, edible, and we were starving. But I wouldn't go out of my way to get them, folks. Don't waste your time or money.

 

Anyway, oh well. 

 

Coming up next, the rain rolls in and Mrs. Troll and I hit Mr. Crockett's Magical Porch for the first time of this trip.

[Beckers 1,136]

Well that was the biggest let down ever. I've been in beignet suspense all day and come to did out they suck. I'm disappointed for you.

And I'm predicting hairy troll leg sighting in the next update.