The Troll

Let's continue our journey. Does anyone play hopscotch anymore? BTW, I did not place that Ripstick there for photo effect. There were some annoying kids nearby who had left it there. Now I know I tend to be sort of hard on kids for a laugh, but in this case, no, the "annoying" label fits. They were being annoying...and a bit destructive. I got bad vibes from them. But I didn't let the bad vibes stop me from my trip reporting duties. After all, I am about 20 times stronger than they were...so if they gave me any trouble, I would have just gorilla pressed them into the lake. What's

That's never stopped you before.

Ha ha! Isn't this fun? This whole site is fun. Interesting. Is it still done today? See below. Yes...a Mickey Ear is what Trolls call a Mickey Bar. I object to calling it a "bar," as it is not bar shaped. Well, this makes perfect sense. Looking at the controls and XLR connection, it didn't look old enough to be a leftover from the railroad. I have a question: When it rains now, what do they do? They go on with the sing-along, don't they? But where? So glad you and your husband like the pictures. On the matter of FB, we still use it the way you do, but it was much bet

OK, so I must, before anything else, offer up a few apologies for the long delay since the last update. After two weeks at the Fort I had lots of work to catch up on. That's my excuse. So let's get the report back rolling again. As I've mentioned several times before, I like to do photo theme sets. One I'm working on for this report is called Unique Perspectives, where I try to take photos of common Fort scenes and objects from an unusual or unique perspective. Well, in this update, I proudly bring to you another photo theme set -- an in-depth look at the Meadows Trading Post building. Soun

I want a well carved, real Jack-o-Lantern. With a real candle in it. Star Wars theme? What does that mean?

Yeah...mmmmm...ditto machine! I can smell the chemicals now. I wonder who got stuck with the job of turning that handle? Did you have to make the copies yourselves, as teachers? You know, turn the handle crank? Or did someone do it for you? Is that even possible? When was the word "nerd" invented? I think you may predate it! You're very welcome. Thanks for reading. Thanks for the encouragement. This is fun, isn't it? Yeah, I wanted to do Ditto machine lines. What was the point of clapping the erasers together, anyway? Did the erasers not erase when they were full of ch

Awesome report. I'm really enjoying it all. Fun to see a report of the things I saw while on our trip there but from someone else's perspective.

Let's do another installment! I have a few more Settlement photos to share, so let's knock those out. If you're a fan of the Crockett porch but not a fan of Crockett prices, just do as Mrs. Troll does -- bring your own drinks and bar snacks: Like I said, Mrs. Troll is always super prepared. It's so nice to always have whatever you want, whenever you want it. Mrs. Troll rules. Here comes the cool wagon: If you so desire, you can pay money to ride on this. Or you can just buy the Troll a beer and hop on the backseat of his golf cart. You know what's cool? This: What

Thank you! Yes, I noticed the new fence going up in the 900 loop. I have photos of that coming up soon! Agree. The Fort is supposed to look weathered and rustic. It's like when they replace a section of the sidewalk. The new section is too white and clean. Thanks for reading along! Make no mistake -- while I act cantankerous at times and poke fun, I love Disney World. It's my favorite place on earth. Seriously.

Well, as I mentioned in the comments above, the Trolls are back at home. Our Fort trip is over. But the report has only just begun! So it's a little known fact that the Troll typically begins his reports while the Trolls are still at the Fort. So the photos you've been enjoying are hot off the presses. And as I mentioned in the most recent installment, I still have a bunch of pictures of the Settlement to share. So let's get started. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm on the side of the Settlement Trading Post. There's a walkway, of sorts, that leads from the side door out into

Yeah...that's a good point. Don't get me wrong -- I love Meadows. But from a profit perspective, you'd think they'd expand Settlement. Dirt roads? I'm afraid I'll have to defer to TCD for the answer to that question. My family and I were hardcore Fort visitors in the 70s and 80s, but I don't remember the roads being dirt. They may have been, but I don't remember them that way. Thanks for the encouragement! So great that so many people are reading along and viewing! Thanks, TCD. We are back home. Today was the first day back at work. Boo. But, hey, guess what? It's no secret that the

Well, the Trolls are home from the Fort. Let's have some fun with comments: Good one! Better guess than my Mr. Peanut. Bingo! You win the prize. It's an extreme closeup of the remnants of the Lawnmower Tree lawnmower. Bingo! Troll no like. Thanks for the props! The Troll disapproves of double-wide strollers, especially those being ridden by children old enough to Tweet. Close but no cigar on the gear and metals pieces -- it's the remnants of the Lawnmower Tree lawnmower. Corrrect! Too many experts here. Thank you! I thought folks would like them.

I'm a bit surprised no one chimed in to defend the Treehouse Villas. Good. That means we can move on. By the way, before we proceed, thanks to everyone who's still reading along and commenting! Readers and comments are what make a trip report! As I mentioned, we escaped the Old, Dated Key West resort and made our way back to our beloved Fort. It was time to spend some time with Mr. Crockett. While we were sipping libations, I decided to sneak away to snap a few photos. Look! It's Honey Boo Boo! I don't care what you or anyone else says, I like Honey Boo Boo. I think she's cute and funny. Some

The treehouses suck. The beignets suck. The SS sucks. Plenty more stuff in this report will earn the grade, "Sucks!" I guarantee you! Boomer State! Oklahoma does NOT suck. Yep. Mind you, I wasn't around during the phase you documented in another thread where weeds and potato vines were eating the place up, so I agree that that had to be straightened out...but I suspect they may have taken the cleanup a bit too far. Hopefully it'll fill back in over time, but how long can it take? Our first trip here as adults was three years ago now, and it still looks mostly just as bare. Me, thre

All right...it's time for a quick Troll Update. You know, I've noticed that the Fort Fiends website is running much better lately. I'm not getting SQL errors every time I try to post something anymore. So my thanks goes out to the landlords of Fort Fiends Dot Net for getting that straightened out! Thank you! Let's journey on. We had just taken a walkthrough of the unspectacular Saratoga Springs. Since we were in the area, we decided to take a ride through the Treehouse Villas area, as that place has some history to it. As I understand it, the Treehouse Villas were opened in 1975, closed

You missed out on something very special. Typhoon Lagoon is very similar to it, though. I think a lot of us who hold River Country so near and dear to our hearts feel the way we do for two reasons: 1) Nostalgia and 2) Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Like in 1984, when Coca Cola did away with Classic Coke and replaced it with the "better tasting" New Coke. The Coca Cola company should bring back New Coke as a throwback, kind of like how the NFL has teams play games in their really old uniforms. Yeah, that Disney Institute thing was a corny, idiotic idea. Fail. Sorry! See below.

Well, to each his own. Yes, it's clean. And drab. I'm glad, too. I feel much better now. The Dark Side is so much nicer than the Light Side. Sooners were the conmen who crossed into the unsettled territory before it was proclaimed legal to do so to grab up all the good land for themselves. They were cheaters...thieves. Kind of like the dogs who go down to the Meadows pool and throw towels on a half dozen chairs to claim them for later so that no one else can use them in the meantime. Why in the world the good state of Oklahoma chose to adopt that as its moniker is beyond me. It shoul

OK, you know what time it is? It's Troll Time! Let's get started. I hope everyone enjoyed my review of the Coronado. I've been taking too much heat of late for being too negative, so all that positivity I poured out to the CS should make me good for the rest of the report. That means I have a free ticket to really let the negativity, pessimism, and cynicism flow! And you know where we're headed next? A DVC! Yeah, baby! I am going to verbally burn a DVC up! You know, Mrs. Troll and I get these postcards in the mail that say that if you go to this presentation of some "real estate opportunity,"

You're welcome for the review! Mayans were good pyramid builders, but Disney is so much better. Free refills? Just drive your POV! No buses. It's definitely at a minimum taking a tour of it. Agree. The theming of the place is marvelous. No doubt. Stupid Mayans. I'm gonna have to check this guy out!

Let's carry on! I have lots more Coronado photos to share: The pool area is called "The Dig Site": The focal point is an Aztec pyramid. Or maybe it's Mayan. To be honest, I don't really know the difference between the two. Let's take a closer look: Notice the water is flowing down the pyramid steps and dumps into the pool. How cool is that? Someone very smart thought that up. Did you hear that just a couple months ago, workers in Belize smashed a 2,300 year old Mayan pyramid for rock for a road they were building? Believe it or not, it's true. Nitwits. Notice the lush

No. Sorry. As I said, no four-year-olds allowed in this report. While we live under the bridge, we do have to come out and go on top to sweep them off and maintain them, from time to time. Otherwise, no one will come to cross. I'm so glad you're here! Late is always better than never. And don't worry...there will be duck face photos later on in the report! That's a little known fact about us trolls -- we have good vocabularies. Yes, you're right -- I have to be careful about heaping praise on something. I don't want to ruin my image. And the Troll was not the one who

OK! Time to continue on in our journey. When we last left off, we were taking a look around the Coronado Springs and gorging ourselves on nachos and chicken burritos. Let's see what other trouble we can get into. If you're a fan of Troll Trip Reports, you know I'm a fan of signs, bridges, and lanterns. So here's a lantern: Evidently, the Disney designers are also fans of lanterns, because they're everywhere...and all themed differently. Here's another view of the Pepper Market restaurant. Notice the place is pretty empty: You know, there's sort of an ideal Goldilocks balance to

Thanks so much for reading along! I hope you'll like the future installments even more. So I looked up the Pyramid of Greatness and it's hilarious. Now I have to ask, is the Ron Swanson character a parody caricature? In other words, are they denigrating libertarians through the character by making a joke of him, Archie Bunker/Stephen Colbert-style?

The food is good. Well, at least the chicken burritos are good! Yeah...why don't they sell Krispy Kremes at the Trading Posts? They'd make a mint. Instead they sell those cardboard-tasting Entenmann rings from a baby's Tower of Hanoi toy. Stay tuned. You'll find out about the socks in the next installment! The burrito was definitely tasty. Highly recommended. A good way to eat something good that isn't deep fried or smothered in cheese. I love a good Muffeletta! Where I live, there are many sandwich shops where we can get them. So I wouldn't order one here. You're welc

Welcome back! Or, as the DVC "security guards" would say, "Welcome home!" When we last left off, Mrs. Troll and I were enjoying a $20 happy hour at Crockett's magical porch. It was raining, and we were wet. My shoes were water logged. We were cold and wanting hot showers. But before we departed, I snapped a few more interesting pictures. One loyal Troll Trip Report reader requested hairy troll legs up on the porch hand rail. Well, here you go: More raindrops captured in flight: Note that it was not nighttime. It's just so dark because I had to set my shutter to 1/2000 a secon