The Troll

Did Twin #1 take over the photography duties of much of this last update?

We interrupt this inactive trip report for this late breaking news report. The evil Disney Galactic Empire has awarded another Iron Cross...this one with Oak Leafs: Congratulations, evil Gaston impersonator guy. Free Disney Internet virality (i.e., advertising) gets you an Iron Cross. A promotion is in order. Appearances on Ellen Degeneres are soon to follow. As we speak, soccer moms all over America are checking availability at Disney's Pop Century to get insulted in person.

Oh, by the way, this is a castle: Suck it, California tree hugger people.

These photos are gorgeous. That Elsa gets an F. Looks like the real one called in sick and they had a Minnie Mouse actress fill in for her. That Anna gets an A, however. Who the hell was the chick in the stroller? Medieval Lady? Confused. Hopefully your little boy never grows up so we continue getting these reports.

Waiting for updates to this report is a lot like the break in between seasons of "Breaking Bad."

One word: Chiggers. Awesome photos.

This trip report kicks ass, BTW.

Whoa! Stop the bus! Stop the bus! Back up the damn boat! Snow White had to WALK?! That's bullsh*t! Let's face it, people, it all did NOT start with a Mouse -- it started with a princess and her name was Snow fricking White. If there was no Snow White there would be no Disneyland, no Disney World, no Fort, no Space Mountain, no rotting River Country, no gargantuan lodge, no hotel/blimp hangar with a monorail running through it, no geodesic sphere with a boring ride narrated by a lady with an annoying British accent, no Obama android, no dude getting a rhino horn crammed up his butt, no raci

I actually see some of this as neglect at Disneyland. I loved Mr. Toad, but let's face it, it wasn't a draw. And it didn't move merchandise. Was there ever any Toad swag? I don't think so. So replacing it, from a business perspective, was logical, in my mind. Same holds true for the subs. That ride SUCKED. They spent a boatload of money to develop that ride and make it safe for what amounts to a very unconvincing, dull experience. I don't think they achieved the illusion they were trying to create with it. Being able to plainly see the surface and then all the cheap underwater props held in

This has the potential to be the best TCD trip report in a long, long time. And that's saying a lot.

I have to say the facades for the Fantasyland rides are much, much better at Disney Land than at Disney World. The facades at Disney World are not convincing that what lies beyond the facade is just a warehouse. The Disney Land facades do look much, much more convincing that way. Plus all the Fantasy Land rides at DW seem all "connected" while the ones at DL seem more stand-alone and autonomous, if that makes sense. It's done better at DL, I must say. Surprised to see that. It's like they went a chintzy route when they built DW, surprisingly. The DW Haunted Mansion is way better...at least t

Both.

Your pictures make me appreciate Disney World oh, so much more. That place sucks. Disney World rules. What the hell is with seeing that Matterhorn ride from Main Street? Whuuuut? Looks like a cheap Chinese knockoff. More, please.

Traitor. That place sucks. Where is the castle? Do they even have one? It should dominate the view from Main Street.

You've come to the right place for ride reviews and recommendations. And you can always count on your friendly neighborhood Troll to give you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And here it is: The Harry Potter ride sucks. It sucks major monkey reproductive organs. Allow me to give you a roundup of what you'll experience. First, you'll attempt to enter the queue and some very poorly trained Disney reject Universal castmember will curtly bark at you that you may not take your camera bag, purse, or backpack on the ride. You have to stuff that in a locker...that you hav

I agree. I think we should all embark on a letter writing campaign. I think one of us should locate the physical mailing address to Fort management and then each one of us write a physical letter and mail it to them. Email is great, but trust me, well-written snail mail still grabs more attention. Imagine if you were the manager of the resort and suddenly letters start flooding your desk. Here are some topics I'd suggest addressing in the letter: Multiple vehicles on each site. I believe there should only be one vehicle allowed per site. Anything else should be moved to the overflow lot.

Some seriously beautiful photography in this report. Probably the best I've seen in any trip report.

Amen. Preach on. What is wrong with people? The bizarre flurry of horn blowing as you loop the park...? Bomp...ba...ba...ba...bomp...ba...ba...ba..ba...ba... WTF? They need to disconnect the horns on those things.

I'm joining this party very late, but better late than never. Some more things to add to the "Missing Fort Magic" list: - Rocking chairs at the Trail's End - Moose topiary - Late night DIY pizza buffet at the Trail's End - Full featured arcade at Trail's End - Campground "feel" rather than trailer park "feel" Seriously, that last one. Just got home from our most recent trip two weeks ago. While looping with Mrs. Troll, I got thinking, "I might as well just loop the overflow parking lot." Two, three, and sometimes four vehicles parked at each site; Aerosmith-caliber touring busses; work

A note about the stupid bat house. Mrs. Troll and I got to talking with a family that had just taken the stupid Segway tour. $120 per person. Did you know that the bat house is now an "attraction" on the Segway tour? Yep. And River Country. Yes, River Country. For the low, low price of $120 you, too, can ride a Segway and see a green construction fence concealing a mosquito infested, rotting water park. And they still brag about it being the "first" water park. Some bragging rights, huh? And to solve the mosquito problem caused by the rotting water park, they built a bat house. Has the

Leslie and I are on the tail end of a Fort trip right now. On our first night here, we looped the loops and saw the TCD setup in the 100 loop. I looked forward to seeing you, but evidently you guys bugged out the next day. Darn. Believe it or not, I actually prefer the Barnstormer over the piece of jit Mine Train. I appreciate its simple austere theming. It is what it is. Simple and clever. The Mine Train, on the other hand, is a con. Like pro wrestling. They're trying to trick us into believing it's something that it's not. I mean, seriously. It's a ripoff. I feel the same way about the ent

Double post. Sorry.

Please remain calm. This thread is being hijacked by the Troll. I have some Troll Rants to share. 1. The Toy Story Mania "ride" opened in 2008. Over the past six years, Mrs. Troll and I have been to DW dozens upon dozens of times but were never able to "ride" it because the standby line was always over two hours long and all the walk up fast passes for the entire day had been hogged up by 7AM. But thanks to the magic of the not-so-magical Magic Band, we were able to finally "ride" it. Let's be clear -- it is not a ride. It hardly even rates as an attraction. In fact, the queue qualifies as

I agree with you about the name of the Haunted Mansion gift shop. "Master Gracey's Mementos" would have been an awesome name. Would reflect the backstory of the ride, which few casual visitors are aware of. The chosen name sucks. Remember death? For real? I disagree with you that there is such a thing as a free lunch. That offends my libertarian eyes. Fantastic report.

This trip report kicks ass.