The Troll

Thank you so much for the kind words and for reading! Your comment bubbled this report back to the top! Maybe it'll get a few more views and I can break 15,000! Ha ha.

I'm shocked. I thought you would have paid much more than that. You got a steal! Especially for Europe! I'd go for that price, if I didn't have to endure the agonizing flight. And then this: Gotta say you let them off the hook way too easy, Andrew. Look at that crap. No "Pardon our pixie dust" sign, no "Sorry for the inconvenience" sign, not even a fricking arrow pointing to a different direction to go. Just, "Closed, bitches. Get out of here." Communists. Walt Disney, if he were alive, would issue an Executive Order to close DLP and then personally bulldoze it.

Excellent point, Shannon. I have to think a lot of this is simply tied to the living and income standards of Europe. According to the OECD better living index, the average household net-adjusted disposable income per capita in France is USD 28,799 a year. In Germany it's USD 31,252. In the US? It's USD 41,355. Americans simply have more disposable income that Europeans. God bless America. Actually, wait -- he evidently already has. So, thank you, God. I give thanks every day that I was born in Miami and not in Marseille...or worse.

Fascinating. Just a few questions/observations. - Just from looking at your photos, the Crockett Ranch, to me, doesn't feel like it's really set off in the woods someplace. It feels more like it's surrounded by a bunch of "backstage" Castmembers Only areas that are shielded by a few trees here and there. Did you get that impression, too? Or am I misinterpreting the photos? - I am sure everyone here has seen the abandoned Soviet space shuttle photos. I get the same sort of feel looking at the Crockett Ranch photos, except the ranch is still (sort of) in operation. It seems like they had a mu

Man, this is like a TCD trip report of old...TCD wandering alone into uncharted territory! Bad ass.

TCD, thanks again for this awesome report. This knockoff mini Fort place is fascinating. Now I have to do some Troll RantingTM. Please know that I am very envious that you got to go here and experience all this. If I had the bucks and the vacation time, I'd love to do it, too. That said, something needs to be announced. <TROLL RANT> This place effing sucks. There. I said it. It's not even up to Universal standards, much less Disney. To prove this point, let's look at TCD's exhibit: Look at that effing display case. Now I ask you, is there any square inch on WDW proper

Whoah! Stop the train! Study this photo: Is it my imagination or did the Imagineers actually create a scene where the draw bridge is opening while a busload of children is going over it?!? WTF?! How did this design become a reality?! Why do all the kids on the bus look happy?! Why aren't they screaming in terror?

Here's the interesting thing -- DLP outdraws Universal! And back in 2009, DLP outdrew Epcot! Attendance actually looks pretty good, according to the "official" (i.e., Wikipedia) gate numbers. And in 2008 and 2009, the place was a powerhouse.

Wow, Andrew, what a fantastic report. Just when I thought you had pretty well locked in the #2 Greatest Report of All Time with that Disneyland report, you land this one. (The #1 Report of All Time was that one by that guy who broke into River Country all those years ago...whoever that was...that one will likely remain untouched for all time...like the Miami Dolphins Perfect Season) Anyway, great stuff. Not crazy about the Europe stuff. Mrs. Troll and I have been there, done that, and now dislike Europeans very much. Or, well, I do. I shouldn't speak for Mrs. Troll. She's nicer than I am.

Great report! Really, really great stuff. Damn good writing.

Great trip report so far.

I'm not sure how anyone could like that place. Nerds yelling. Ridiculously overpriced drinks. Ridiculously overpriced drinks that don't taste good. No where to sit. Extremely loud, obnoxious "special" effects. Drinks that take 20 minutes to arrive because it takes the bartender that long to decorate them. Tourists taking flash pictures of the junk on the walls and then getting yelled at by the nerds for taking flash pictures... But, hey, to each their own, I suppose. OK, now the latest item up for excoriation: Ventanas Restaurant at Coronado Springs You know...something about me...I'm no

That's a fair point. I can see how management saw the fountain as NOT profitable, so it had to go...which, I suppose, makes sense. Anything that costs more money than it generates should be removed. I remember something I was told by a very intelligent, very well-informed bus driver: That Disney operates its resorts effectively as separate entities. That is, they largely compete against each other for customers, thereby forcing them to stay on top of things to remain competitive. Perhaps WL and GF were drawing a lot of the casual guests like you and me who like to go to those grand lobbies f

Continuing the Troll's Book of Grades... Fireworks Herding Viewing Area WTF? Seriously, WTF? Moderators, may I please use the full eff word for this post to drive home my emphasis? This is just downright bizarre. Disney has long been criticized for its resemblance of a fascist police state, what with its stanchioned queues, its militant college girls with oversized Mickey hands and flashlight wands directing foot traffic, and its constant "No flash pictures please...when the car stops, please step out to the right" broadcasts...but now evidently they've fully embraced it. They have turne

One thing I didn't mention about Liberty Tree is that it's a la carte at lunch. The all-you-can-eat-meat goodness only occurs at dinner. You know how I roll. It's a really great place. Wasn't crazy about the "Hear ye, hear ye" nonsense at seating, but once we got to our table, it was off-the-charts good. Yep. We're done with 'Ohana. Perhaps if many more people do the same, things will change. But I doubt it. The location and reputation of the place is enough to draw the Tourist Horde. I see a pattern developing... I know who you are, pod person. What have you done to m

Most Fiends know me. For those of you who are new, I'm Norm, the Troll. I call my wife Mrs. Troll. Why am I called "The Troll"? Well, you're about to find out. One thing I've done a few times in trip reports is rate Disney attractions. I call it "Troll's Book of Grades." Mrs. Troll and I just returned from a one week trip to the World to celebrate our anniversary and my birthday. It afforded us a few opportunities to experience a few attractions that are new or new to us, and so now I proudly present to you the 2015 edition of Troll's Book of Grades. Warning: Some people like to rea

A Pirate's Adventure.

Trolls make everything better.

Double post. Damn it. But while it's here, I thought of something else. You remember those creepy ass old movies where a ventriloquist dummy would come to life and kill people? This thing reminds me of that.

Look at that creepy ass hand on poor Z's shoulder. The poor child is traumatized. And what happens if children get the guts to talk to the thing? Does it talk back...with that dead, blank, zombie look on its face? Or does it just mime around like Minnie Mouse? You know, hands on cheeks, hands covering eyes, hand covering mouth as if laughing, etc. And where is Kelly, anyway? Why isn't she here to explain all this? I do not like this thing. And I bet Z did not either. I bet the exchange went something like this: Kelly: "Ah, good, look, Z, there's a character over there. I don't know what

Good God...look how horrible the place looks!

As usual, you beat me to the punch. We need regulation because it's perfectly fine for me to hop in TCD's backseat and then pass him a $20 for gas and to make it worth his while, but if we dare arrange the deal via a cell phone, it must be regulated to "protect the public." Indicative of a very sick, duplicitous society we live in today. WTF? What is that thing? Damn, that thing is creepy. Shame on you, Kelly, for forcing your child to go near this thing for a trip report photo opp. Seriously, why not just the "College Girl in a Pretty Dress" thing? It works for Anna and Elsa...and

I think we Star Wars fans should temper our enthusiasm. JJ Abrams is known for doing really, really cheesy stuff, like "Super 8" and the really cheesy Star Trek reboots. And "Big Hero 6" sucked. Bad.

Disney hourly CMs have a union? And is Disney not empowered to do layoffs? *Edit* Wow...I'll be darned. They do have a union.

Hey, you ever notice that in popular culture dads are always portrayed as complete dipwads? Even on Peppa Pig. Yes, I'm a major Peppa Pig fan.