The Troll

Welcome back, fellow Fiends. I got so worked up in that last rant, I forgot to mention something about our monorail ride as we approached the new construction at the Grand Floridian. Before we get into that, here's a picture of a monorail riding past the Grand Floridian, just to orient you: What I forgot to mention is the fact that there's a new narrator's voice onboard the monorail. Have you heard him yet? I'm not sure how long the new guy's been on the job, reading those same lines over and over and over again, day in, day out, but he was new to us. I kind of miss the old guy. Change is bad

I'm glad, because there's so much more to come! Ha ha! And here I thought I was kind of safe ranting about DVCs on a Fort Wilderness site! Thank you! We love those dogs so much. More to come! Thanks for reading along! Thanks, Andrew! Yes, the 1900 loop certainly showed off its floodability on that trip. It was obvious Fort Wilderness was built on top of a swamp. Ha ha...yeah, I am very anti-DVC. Can you tell? Yeah, when she got back to her hotel, she probably had to drain buckets of sweat out of those boots!

Can't remember why I took this shot: Or this one: Now we're in the 1900 loop: So we decided to hop out of the cart to take the dogs for a walk: Notice we have those new leashes made out of fiber optic glass! You can barely even see them in this photo...they're almost invisible! If you didn't know better, you'd think we were allowing our dogs to roam about the 1900 loop loose! I've been told that there's lots of flooding in the 1900 loop. Well, it's true: Notice, however, that these sites were constructed properly -- i.e., the site is above the water, not in it. OK, that's all for this ins

All right, folks, it's time for another exciting installment of the Troll's Trip Report! Actually, there are two of us trolls, so it should be Trolls' Trip Report, right? When we last off, the Trolls were indulging in some toothsome $12 cocktails at the Polynesian Resort bar, just outside of the legendary Ohana's restaurant. Bet you didn't know that "toothsome" was a word, did you? See? The Troll entertains and informs! Well, we've now finished our toothsome cocktails and it's time to head back to camp to spend some quality time with the doggies. So we decided to hop back aboard the monorail,

Mmmm...Mojitos for breakfast... When they say in that menu that the "mixologists" travel the "world," I believe they're using exaggerative euphemisms. By "mixologist" I believe they mean "bartender." And by "world" I believe they mean Disney World. So the new bartenders rode the monorail around Disney World to learn how to make the drinks! OK, OK, that's enough. As the curator of this Trip Report I am announcing an end to all the vomit talk...you are making me want to vomit. Brain freeze and a serious buzz! And Jiminy Cricket is, indeed, OK, I must admit. Google is much cheaper. You can lea

OK, so picking up where we left off, Mrs. Troll and I are fighting our way out of the MK at parade time. Where's my Mensa membership invitation? Anyway, take a look at the photo below. See that girl in the yellow shirt standing in the middle of the sidewalk, facing away? Look: She's a cast member. Keep your eyes on her. Here she is, closer up: Why is she important? Because she yelled at me. I'm still to this day not sure why. I think I was supposed to be standing inside of the tape or something. I'm not sure. I just know she yelled at me. And then, not knowing why she was yelling at me, I wa

One of the many great things about a site like this is its awesome, ready-made audience. Start a website of your own and you have to build up an audience yourself, which ain't easy. Knowing this, I try to keep my TR's and comments rated PG. Ah, good call, Jon. I believe you're right! See below. Your kids are right! Here's that joker now: His name is J. Worthington Foulfellow. You know, wouldn't it be great if bad guys in real life had to have last names like that? We should pass a law. Then we'd have A. Thurston Pickpocket and T. Hamilton Drugdealer. Anyway, I'm glad we've finally identifi

OK, so the Trolls are once again headed toward the barbershop. This time, success! Here's Mr. Troll about to get his fur trimmed: I bet you're wondering how much I'm about to pay for this haircut. Well, here's your answer: As you can see, my haircut set me back $19, which was probably about $10 too much. As I was getting my hair head scalped hair cut, it struck me that I had a completely different illusion of what this barbershop was going to be like. I was expecting something like this: But what I got was much more like this: Only the haircut wasn't as good. Not that it was a bad haircut

Glad you're enjoying the TR! And I agree -- there's nothing speedy about these speedboats. But evidently, they're profitable. What the heck is a water mouse? Your wish will soon be my command! I do not like blowups. I do not like them in a house. I do not like them with a mouse. I do not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere. I do not like them Troll I am. Ah, yes, the cupcake. We haven't eaten it yet. It's still in the camper fridge! Read on, Andrew! The haircut is coming up next.

OK, time for an update. In our last episode, we left off with the Trolls getting inundated by a sudden downpour. Fortunately, the downpour left us almost as quickly as it arrived. It was just enough rain to get everything nice and wet. And make it nice and steamy and humid. Ugh. But that wasn't going to deter us. I had a hankering for a Dole Whip after my pickle -- plus I really still wanted to get a haircut at the Main Street barbershop. So Mrs. Troll threw the ponchos in the backpack and we headed out. Back to the Magic Kingdom! Before we left, however, look what Mrs. Troll bought while she

Yes, I was so forlorn. Fortunately it let up pretty quick. And we did get steaks for one of the nights we were there. I have a portable gas grill that grills them up great. Ah, the blowup fiasco. I got in so much hot water over my position on blowups. I still do not like them. Winn Dixie, believe it or not! Thank you! I'm so happy you're enjoying the TR and reading along! I hate the speedway...almost as much as I hate blow... ...never mind! It was friggin' delicious. I wish I had one right now. Thanks, Andrew! Yes, stay tuned, there are several more Troll RantsTM coming up...one that tou

So I just finished nearly getting run over by a Disney cast member in a Hyundai Sonata. Come to think of it, I missed my big opportunity. I should have let her hit me; I would have been able to live at the Fort for the rest of my life! Assuming, of course, that I survived getting run over. Anyway, I was heading back to the campsite when I encountered a family walking along the cart path that leads to the Settlement area. They had an older gentleman trailing behind them. He was a really big, tall dude who looked like he was well into his 70s. He looked like he had once played for the Green Bay

No, fortunately, there are no pictures. It was a most unpleasant experience...trust me, I was in no mood to whip out my camera! Honestly, it's not a fate I'd wish on my worst enemy! Goodness gracious, how could you not notice it? It's enough to make a sane person want to jump in a green, mucky canal and drown himself. Yes, we Trolls do have a conscience. We try to make the bridge tolls very affordable. And you're right -- I should be more active here on the boards. I lurk a lot...I read almost all the trip reports...and, of course, Mrs. Troll and I never miss a TCD trip report. Did you jum

OK, it's time to take a Troll spin around the Settlement area! It was still very early in the morning and Mrs. Troll was still in the camper, sipping her coffee, so I decided to grab my camera, hop in the Kenny cart, and snap some quick photos. The first thing that struck me was how empty the Settlement area was. Sure, it was early, but still! Check out the empty golf cart parking lot: And, as always expected in a Fort trip report, here's the Lawnmower Stump: That is a stump, right? It's not what enters your mind when someone says the term "tree stump." But it's the bottom end of a cut down

I agree with you that a lot of the ambient sounds around the Fort -- the EWP, cowboy sing-alongs, distant MK train whistles, boat horns, etc. -- definitely add to the character and charm of the Fort. But I draw the line at NASCAR speedways. Nothing charming about incessant engine noise. For that I could pitch my camp next to I-4. Yes, agree, the Fort is the Fort, but that doesn't mean I like roaring car engines. Let's start a petition or something! You know, it's fine that they wanted to build a speedway. Fine...build it miles away from the resort areas. Thanks for all the great comments, e

OK, so as I reported in the last installment, the rain had mostly dried up. The dogs love going for a walk in the mornings, so I grabbed the leashes and my new coffee mug and decided to explore the 700 loop a bit. As I mentioned at the very start of this report, the Fort was almost deserted. It was kind of nice and kind of not nice. Nice having the Fort all to yourself...not nice in that the place had an eerie, uncharacteristic emptiness to it. Here's an empty site now: This was one of those flooded sites we discussed earlier. Notice how looks are deceiving. Coming up on this site, you'd prob

I think I stipulated in the rules that I do NOT drink the cheap stuff. And some loopin' is in store...don't worry. We did plenty of that! Yes, I take many, many crappy pictures. Heck, I take a lot of pictures that I think look good in the camera but then when I get them off the camera and onto my computer, I realize they're awful. Thanks! I'm glad you like it. Thanks for reading along! No surprise, you are correct! You have to wonder why they even still light that place up. You'd think they'd want to hide it, not illuminate it. Sorry we missed you! I'm looking forward to reading your TR.

All right, as promised, I have a few more of those grainy nighttime boat ride photos to share with you. Here's one: Keep in mind it was almost pitch black night at this point. The sky looks blue because of the ultra fast ISO speed I was using. Very grainy: And here we are, pulling up the Wilderness Lodge dock. Yes, we had to stop there before our Fort destination. Now, just to give you a sense of how dark it actually was, here's another photo of the same subject NOT using such a fast ISO: Can anyone guess what this one is: And here we are, approaching the Fort dock: That one above is fai

You got it! Darn, I thought everyone would guess that one straight away. Splash Mountain rules. It rules! Prepare for much Troll praise for Splash Mountain in an upcoming installment! Wrong. We trolls might live under bridges, but that doesn't mean we're dullards. You owe me a beer just for suggesting that. Go Mud Hens! You got to pull for them just for their mascot. Yeah, ha ha ha, Nicki...I do believe I made it clear that PBR was not on my beer selection. Stay tuned! The next installment of the TTR is on the way!

It's that time again, folks! Time for the next exciting episode of the TTR! In our last episode, we had just finished an awful hot dog at Casey's Corner. We had also taken a fun ride on the newly refurb'd BMTRR. TCD pointed out that the final room at the end seems to have changed with the refurb. In the past, the idea was that you're riding through the mine and the mine is collapsing. Rocks are supposed to be falling all around you. The Imagineers effected this effect -- or I should say, attempted to effect this effect -- with shadows of "falling rocks" projected on the walls. Now I don't thin

Thanks for kind words, and thanks for reading along! I can't steal the glory of inventing the term "party stick" -- that's a Mrs. Troll term! Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner. One of the greatest movies of all time. I owe you one beer...even though you cheated. River Country was the bomb. And yes, you really must check out the waffle sandwiches. We love them. You're right! I much prefer the refurb'd Nugget Way over the old one. They definitely found a better rope tier guy. These birds are all over the place. They're actually almost a nuisance. I'm glad you like the BTMRR pictures. I'm r

OK, saw we just took a ride on the haunted railroad. Now, Laugh Floor. I like the Laugh Floor. A lot. I think they ported the idea from that bar at Pleasure Island where the masks on the wall would interact with the bar patrons. What was that place called? It's closed now, but I thought it was clever. I like attractions that are a little different every time you experience them. So we're on our way to visit the Purple Guy. This guy: I love this guy. But before we left Frontier Land, I snapped a shot of this: This is new, isn't it? Look at how they attached the shovel to the post. Who still k

Yes, you are right -- we trolls have very thick hides. No offense taken -- I just liked your choice of description! Some of the crooked shots I plan...others I just hold the camera up, snap, and pray. Remember back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and we had those old "film cameras"? You couldn't really use the "snap and pray" method with those cameras...not unless you were rich. Never saw the movie?!? Oh, you don't know what you're missing. Greatest movie ever made.

Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater! Great, now someone's going to Google it and say, "I didn't Google it, Norm...I knew it all along...you owe me a beer!"

On with the show! BTW, did you know there's a limit to how many quote blocks you can have in one post? It's true. I just found out the hard way. Had to split my post into two. We last left off with us Trolls on our way to Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. We hadn't ridden it since it was reopened after its refurbishment, so I was excited. I really like that ride. It opened right about the same time River Country did. Same rocks. On the way there, I snapped this shot of the saloon in Frontier Land: Notice the saloon was opened in 1878. I wonder how they picked the year each "business" was opened?