The Troll

Wow. I was totally in the dark about that. Didn't know. What a shame! I guess they're confident they'll make more money from Starbucks than their own bakery? How ironic -- once again a mega corporation is destroying a hometown main street business...even a faux one owned by a mega corporation.

In typical troll-like fashion, I must protest. The matter is still not closed, sir. May I introduce the following exhibit into evidence: Yes, I am using your own weapon against you! And notice that in classic Disney Meadow/Meadows fashion, they have spelled the restaurant's name two different ways in the same advertising space. So I contend that O'hana remains a proper spelling for this dining establishment. Either that or the 19-year-old college student working as an "intern" did not know how to spell the name of his place of employment when he typed up the menu in Microsoft Word.

OK, OK...hold the phone. The parking lot location looks questionable to me. Why would they put the parking lot right there when there's so much available property just west of the remains of River Country? And ten stories? How many stories tall are the Wilderness Lodge buildings?

Agree. It's as I've said many times before -- the Fort management lets the inmates run the asylum. It's pretty much do whatever you want...except burning a campfire in one of these safe fire pits with a metal mesh cover on top: If you DARE do this, one of those Fort "rangers" will most certainly show up and douse your fire with the hose. Everything else, though, is fair game. Like driving against traffic down one way roads, ten-year-old children driving golf carts, golf carts equipped with diesel train horns that get blown over and over and over and over again, and allowing your children to h

Ladies and gentlemen, we made it! We made it! 10,000 views! TCD said we'd make it easily, and at first I was doubtful, but he was right! "The Trolls Run from Isaac" is now ranked number 15 most viewed trip report here on Fort Fiends.net! Thank you, everyone, for your help! Thanks for reading along! Thanks for all the great comments! To celebrate breaking 10,000 views, we need to celebrate with... ...another Troll Trip Report! Believe it or not, work has already begun on the next Troll Trip Report! That's right, folks -- get set for another round of Troll Rants, cutting social commentary, com

Thank you so much! Thanks for reading along. Um...yeah. We have vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry. Thank you! Trip reports are fun, aren't they?

Beer at the MK? Dislike. Dislike very, very much. [TROLL RANT ON] Walt very explicitly and emphatically said, "No booze at MK!" What can't the jackholes running the joint honor the man's wishes forever? [TROLL RANT OFF] Make no mistake -- I like my beer. But I like tradition better. Poor Walt...there he goes, tumbling like mad in the Maytag front loader.

OK, folks, so I'm only about 500 views short of my 10,000 view goal. We can't let this trip report fall short when we're so close...so I'm going to pad the number a bit. I've been meaning to reply back to some folks who've had nice things to say. Let's start with TCD: A classic? Wow! Now that's a compliment! Thank you so much, sir. I'm so glad you enjoyed it and were reading along. A Troll Report rookie! Thanks so much for reading along. Whispering Canyon can be lots of fun with the right mix of people and good servers. When everything is right, I really enjoy it. Did you get the DVD yet? H

I want to say a big thank you to everyone for your kind words and to everyone who read along. It was a lot of fun writing it and I'm so glad folks enjoyed reading it. Trip reporting is a fun hobby. It's a great way to extend your Fort trip! We haven't quite made it to 10,000 views, but we're only about 900 short! Maybe we'll make it with some residuals! Or hijacking! Hijack! Hijack!

TCD, I'm all caught up. I must admit I skipped over some sections because I didn't want to spoil the new Fantasy Land for us. Great TR, as always! Yep. I effing hated that effing place. Crappy zoo-like place with very little to "discover." Get ready to be bored to tears. And sweat. And get eaten alive by mosquitoes. Hated that place. No surprise it was closed. Good bye. There's so much that could be done with that island. Only problem would be ferrying people over. Stuff like this worries me: Perhaps I'm paranoid, but many, many years ago, I worked in the health club business. One thing we a

OK, so this is it, folks. This is it. The end. I hate the end of a Fort trip. Think about it -- the very start of a Fort trip is one of the happiest times of life. You snap dozens of pictures of things you already have thousands of pictures of -- the welcome sign, the purple directional signs, the Fort sign, the Fort guard shack, the Reception Outpost...you're just on a natural high. But then when it's time to leave, it's just the opposite. You feel depressed and deflated. Trip reporting is much the same. The last installment is sad to write. In the last installment, I told the story of very w

Woops, one comment I missed: Nope. No chicken and waffles this time. And no waffle sandwich. Next time. I really like those waffle sandwiches!

Thank you! Trip reports (good ones, anyway) take lots of time, thought, time, energy, time, planning, time, work, and time. But they're a lot of fun all the same and definitely worth it. My thanks go out to all the other trip reporters out there who do this, too. Yes, that includes the TLC guy, too. I know! I could really milk my last update -- break one update into four or five -- but that TLC guy would probably call foul. Thanks, TLC. I'm back! I'm back! It's a very short list, indeed. The Troll has high standards. Correct, TLC, I do NOT like cheap beer, unlike certain people I know. I

An update is coming folks, I promise!

Well, the holiday weekend had arrived... ...and so had the crowd. And when I say crowd, I mean crowd as in can't get from point A to point B in any of the parks. Mrs. Troll and I both heartily agreed that we'd stay as far away from the parks as possible over the weekend. Labor Day, if you don't realize it, is very, very busy at WDW. So we lounged at the Fort. We did some looping. I forget what loop this was in, but notice the brand new fence: And it's nice to see there are still plenty of Musket Mickeys around the Fort, even if they're on private campers and not actually "authorized" by Disne

How I so agree! It would be so awesome to have a fun, quaint water park at the Fort. Yes, the Epcot visit was complete, utter fail. I considered not including it in the report, but I had some good material for rants, so what the heck. Yeah, the scientist/robot act was classic. It went like this -- the scientist announced loudly (no microphone) to the people milling about the Communicore, "Hey, everyone! Come see my new robot!" The robot was, of course, just a mime. The scientist would "control" the robot with a big remote control box, complete with a telescoping antenna. At one point in the a

So...after some pool hopping and looping, it was time to head back to camp to eat and shower. Once we were cleaned up and in dry clothes, we decided to hop over to Epcot. That's the subject of this installment -- our trip to Epcot and my Troll commentary about Epcot. And, warning, this will not be a Troll Tribute. Don't get me wrong -- I love Epcot, but there are a few things I think need tweaking. And you get to hear about it. All for the price of admission. If you're staying at the Fort, you have three ways to get to Epcot 1) Drive your own vehicle 2) take a boat to the Contemporary and then

Something really had to be done about that child. See, here's the thing. A lot of folks mentioned that they would have said something to the child, but let's do the hypothetical. Suppose you said, "Hey! Stop that, right now!" but the child just sneered at you and said, "Shut up!"? Then what? If he's your own child, you tear his butt up. But someone else's child...what then? Oh, yes, I remember the zip line. It was awesome. We'd ride it all the way to the end until it hit the stopper and the vibration would vibrate your hands off the handle! Was the zip line there in 2000? That sounds about r

OK, picking up where we left off, the Trolls were at the "quiet" pool over by the cabins. It was, indeed, nice to get away from all the noise and lame pool games. Eventually, though, we got waterlogged, so we decided to head back to camp and take the dogs looping. We headed over to the group camping area, which, at the moment was entirely empty. Our dogs like the group camping area: Notice again that we're using those newfangled fiber optic glass leashes that are almost invisible! The pups got thirsty: Elma was having a ball: Those glass leashes are long! I really like the group camping

I really wish more parents were like you! Welcome back! I remember the lifeguards being at the top of the slide. I'm surprised that there isn't one still. Agree. But it just seems more and more people are taking the "hands off" approach to parenting. Glad you liked it, Misty. I'm just happy I escaped the demon child alive! Ha! You don't have to ask me twice. Free beer? I'm there.

OK, let's journey on! When we last left off, the Troll and an innocent Chinese family on the vacation of their lives were being haunted by a type 3 minor demon. I needed to get away, as I was afraid of this child. Maybe you're saying to yourself right now, "Oh, come on, Troll! Stop your silly exaggerating? Are you really suggesting that a 43-year-old man who served in the military is really afraid of a 9-year-old little boy?" Yes. So I had to escape. And this was the fastest way: So the Chinese family in front of me decided to take the same route -- down the slide. Only problem was we couldn'

Actually, I wanted to get away. I was afraid of the child. Ever since watching that terror-inflicting horror known as "The Exorcist," I have a terrible phobia of demons...and attics. Hoo boy, don't like going up in the attic! I'm glad you like the trip report! You have some guts. I admire people who are still willing to take some authority. I'm too chicken, admittedly.

Time for more Troll goodness, folks! Two updates on one day! I want to get caught up for the days I didn't post an update. Sorry about that. Anyway, as we learned in the last update, today Mrs. Troll and I decided to spend the day at the Fort. We started with a fun Kenny cart ride around the campground. Then we headed back to camp to change into our bathing suits. We rode over to the Fort pool and set up at a table under an umbrella. Trolls don't like sun, if you remember. So we'll start this update out with a POV shot: You're sitting by the pool, relaxing, and taking in the sights! I probabl

Wow, your pass does sound like an excellent deal if you use them! Golf alone can be very expensive. So glad you're enjoying the TR!

I'm glad so many Fiends like the promotional sign. I think I'll post it on Facebook to encourage more membership! And welcome, Cloudswinger! Let's get on with the next installment of the Trolls' Trip Report! When we last left off, we had just paid a visit to our dear friend, B'rer Fox. Does anyone else agree that B'rer Fox sounds a heck of lot like Eddie Murphy? I believe that the same actor who played Uncle Remus did B'rer Fox's voice. Anyway, so it was now pretty late. It had been a very busy day. Time to head back to camp and recharge. On our way out, I decided to experiment with some more