The Troll

Thanks, yes, we've learned our lesson about the buses. The only time we'll take one is if we planning on having Happy Hour at our intended destination. Agree. I saw elephant ears at Epcot today and they were awfully tempting. Agree...Vinalmation sucks. They had one of some character wearing a floaty ring with the River Country logo on it. That was kind of cool...but a bit strange. Why, other than nostalgia purposes, would you advertise a defunct waterpark? You're right. Typo on my part. I wasn't thinking. Well, now, again, how does the muffaletta measure up to the real deal

This trip report is on track and rolling full speed ahead! Thanks to everyone for reading along and commenting. Hey, where's the Santa Claus guy? Shouldn't he be commenting by now? Picking up where we left off, Mrs. Troll and I were "enjoying" some nice, chewy, tough beignets at the Sassagoula Floatworks. Lots of folks commenting here on the Troll Trip Report have reported that the Sassagoula Floatworks food sucks major simian buttocks. I'll buy that for a dollar. But the place does, at least, have a cool sign: By the way, those of you who've been reading along since the very beginnin

True that. That's exactly what we did. The beignets were overcooked and chewy, but we chewed them up and swallowed them anyway. A good beignet is definitely worth waiting for. Good plan. We want to see the Yee Haw Bob sometime during this trip. We've never seen him. Agree. We haven't done it in a long, long time. We should do it again. A Cafe Du Monde beignet blows away an elephant ear, any day. Glad you're here for the ride. There's still so much for me to report!

I'm sorry...I know that was a big buildup for a letdown. Unfortunately, in real life not every story finishes with a happy ending! Alcohol makes everything and everyone interesting and fun. In France once I had the greatest conversation about the weather there. It was a very stimulating conversation...after 13 beers. Exactly. That's exactly how we felt the other day trying to get back from PO to the Fort. It would have been faster just to walk. Seriously. Yeah, I wouldn't waste my time. Much better ways to spend the calories! In fairness, we didn't try the restaurant, just

Time to continue our Troll-tastic journey. When we last left off, the Trolls had committed a grave error by riding the horrible Disney buses to Port Orleans for an order of beignets, which is France's version of a donut. It ended up taking us about an hour and a half to get to Port Orleans from the Fort, a trip that would have taken us less than ten minutes in our own car. Oh well...that's an hour and twenty minutes of my life I won't be getting back. But think of the grand memories! Where else can you endure two eight-year-old children screaming at the top of their lungs in excitement and

At the peril of giving away the crux of the next update, I agree that the Sassagoula Floatworks sucks. More details in the update below. Thank you so much. Thanks for reading along. Indeed. I can rant about a lot and I can fail even more. Um...ladies? The buses suck. Yes, you're paying for it, but that doesn't change the fact that it sucks. The buses are a great way to waste a big chunk of your vacation. See? You're legit. No "Rent Me" scooter for you. I hate the buses. Monorail is OK. Boat is OK. Bus sucks. I think we may have seen your 82 year old mom at th

OK, picking up where we left off, I'm at the Lodge. I just finished a workout at the Sturdy Branches gym and now I'm exploring the Lodge grounds. There's a really, really nice beach at the Lodge. They keep it pristine. It's a selling point for potential DVC victims touring the property. Let's take a look. Notice they have shaded cover things. I don't think you have to rent them. I think you just plop yourself underneath one. Look at that sand: So perfectly combed and manicured. You know how you open up a new jar of peanut butter and the peanut butter is so perfectly smooth on top that you re

Agree. But my concern is that it all may just be a bubble, like the housing bubble. That is, the demand may dry up and many of the buyers may grow weary of paying the maintenance fees and the mortgage year after year and just "let it go back to the bank," as they say. In my mind -- and I could be wrong, of course -- but in my mind, for many of the buyers (perhaps most) it's an impulse purchase. They're Disney first-timers, fall in love with the place, get all starry-eyed, and in an instant decide, "Oh, yeah! We'll come back here for our vacations forever!" even though they live in, like, Ari

OK, pressing on. When we last left off, I was on my way to the WL for a quick morning workout at Sturdy Branches. One thing about me as your resident Troll Reporter, I take notes for the report along the way. Otherwise I'll forget lots of juicy details that happened, like children that play with ketchup bottles as play toys in the food court and then get yelled at by their mother, "You better not spray people with that ketchup bottle again!" Yes, that really happened. I'll be sharing that story soon. But for now, know that as your dedicated reporter, I keep notes. I've been chastised by a few

Yeah, I think I know why the roof is taking so long. I have photo evidence of it. I'll be posting it soon... They're coming! Don't worry. I have two of the most photographed dogs on the planet. Ha ha...good one. I almost ran over a runner guy not wearing a shirt yesterday! Glad you're in! Thanks for joining the party! Um...this is a compliment, right? Right. Moving on. Well, the Indy Racing League can have it back. Ha ha...it's coming, it's coming. Thanks for joining! We're only just getting started!

It's on! The Troll Trip Report is underway! Just click here: http://www.fortfiends.net/forum/topic/11127-the-trolls-return-to-the-fort/

All right! Thanks to everyone who's joined in so far! Time to get this Troll Report on wheels. As I mentioned in my first post, we arrived on Saturday and spent most of the day setting up, shopping, and washing the camper. The love bugs are out bad right now, and we drove all the way through the thick of them from almost the tip of the Florida panhandle down to the center of the state. Needless to say, when we arrived, the camper was just coated in love bugs. So I had to drag out the rags and scrubbing brush to make that right. I took a before and after photo. Before: After: By

That's what Mrs. Troll says. Well, it's raining plenty right now, and let me tell you, as soon as a smidgen of daylight pokes through the clouds, they roll those frickin' racecars out onto the racetrack. When there's money to be made, Disney's there. Tons! The Fort is a virtual ghost town right now. I've made a video. I'll be posting it soon. Trust me...it's bad. Absolutely. I say we start a petition and letter-writing campaign to silence the noise. Don't get me wrong -- I like NASCAR. I also like grizzly bears, but I don't want them in my backyard. I like oysters, but

Better be turning around...if only you could... That's right, Fort Fiends, it's time once again for a Troll Trip Report. And no matter how hard you try to resist the train wreck that is a a Troll Trip Report, you just can't. Oh, you may be one of those people who say, "The Troll is nothing but a troll! I won't read his trip reports. I don't like how he makes fun of It's a Small World, the Tiki Birds, and the Swiss Family Treehouse." Yeah, you might say that, but then you can't resist all the Troll goodness. So I understand there are some newbies here on Fort Fiends who may be unfamiliar

False. There will be no mercy for the newbs. None. No mercy for the newbs...or Lou...or the Santa Claus imposter...or the TDD guy... Welcome, foolish newbs, to the Troll Trip Report Experience. If you are a fan of "It's a Small World," the Swan and Dolphin "resorts," that infernal Tomorrowland Speedway, or the "Country Bear Jamboree," brace yourself. Your beloved attractions are about to be trashed. What else is in store for you in this upcoming Troll Trip Report? - Lots of cantankerous Troll RantsTM - A review of the Coronado Springs resort in the same vein as the Troll's review of the "S

Same here. I always thought the wings were slapped up after they realized how popular the Contemporary was and realized they didn't have enough capacity. Guess I was wrong. Oh, oh, yeah...I forgot something: They look like crap.

Ha ha. Lady had no idea who she was talking to. It's like saying, "I think I'll go to the park and play a game of chess against someone," and then sitting across from Bobby Fischer.

Sorry for the double post, but I'm on a roll. The statement above is true...except for one thing -- steel firepits. That rule, trust me, IS enforced. Bizarrely. Want your 12 year old child to drive the golf cart and mow down innocent people? No problem! Want your 8 year old child to ride a motorized scooter in flipflops? No problem. Want to drive your golf cart snockered drunk? No problem. Want to drive your golf cart with your 1 year old in your lap, pretending to drive? No problem. Want to go against traffic on a one way road? No problem. Want to tether your dog to a tree and leave it in t

And don't forget Mrs. Troll. She loves to zip around on the golf carts, too...perhaps even more so than the Troll. HOWEVER, the Troll does hate... - Diesel powered ATVs with all-terrain tires that are passed off as golf carts - Golf carts operated by children - Golf carts equipped with horns. The horn is supposed to be safety device but instead it's turned into a party favor - Golf carts equipped with train horns. Owners of such abominations should be tarred and feathered - Blowups of anthropomorphic alligators That said, I agree with Mr. Travisma -- there really should be separate golf

Correct. Travisma, it's great to meet you and I'm very happy to see you posting here, but I'm afraid I must rescind your invitation into Troll-kind. Sorry. Oh, hey, everyone! You know what Santa is bringing the Troll for Christmas this year? A Red Ryder BB gun! I hope he delivers it early so I can put it to good use.

Ah, so good to see a fellow member of the Troll-kind. Please also tell us how you feel about all the blowup decorations around the holidays...

TDD fan boys.

Sheesh. 26,000+ views. When TDD sets the bar high, he sets it too high. If you threw in some bonus "discovered" content, you'd break 30K, easy.

Yes. And I'm enjoying every word of your trip report!